**UPDATE AT BOTTOM**
(No names will be disclosed, ages are fake but have the same age gap.) (g/bsf – girl best friend, b/bsf – boy best friend)
My bf(M24) and I(F20) had been together for almost two months, in six days it would’ve been our 2 month. We’ve been best friends for about a year now and he knows me better than I know him. When we got together, it technically wasn’t confirmed until a week later. We started dating the second day of a three-day festival trip with our friends g/bsf and b/bsf, who are dating and have been for about 7 months. Our relationship moved pretty fast but we had good communication, or at least we did after we got together. Before we got together we didn’t talk about boundaries or preferences at all, which is why I ended our relationship now.
I want to get a lot of tattoos and possibly work in a club as a bartender. I’m sort of all over the place, dramatic about some things, and definitely not good at long distance and long-term commitment.
He is calm, logical, levelheaded, and plans for the future.
A few weeks ago, at the local carnival, he mentioned that he doesn’t like when his partners are covered in tattoos. At the time I brushed it off, figuring he might come around when I do decide to get the tattoos I want.
He’s been planning for us to move in together, get married, and have kids when he finishes college. I plan on trying to get my own place and living on my own for a bit around the time he would finish college(currently taking a break from school/work, my parents are more than happy to be getting extra time with me before I officially go out on my own) and I don’t want to be tied down with marriage or kids for at least 6 years yet.
The last day of the carnival I got jealous because I was standing with him and talking to one of my friends(they’re a few years older than us), when their friend came up to all of us to say hi. Their friend and my bf started talking about the fact that they’re both going to the same college in the fall. They exchanged numbers and kept talking for a minute. A few days later, I brought it up to him trying to communicate that it made me slightly uncomfortable and jealous. (I realize I sound controlling about that, but it was their body language and the fact that I don’t have a good past with partners, which he knows about) He said he was sorry and that he didn’t want me to be jealous or cry(again, I’m dramatic sometimes), which was nice but there was a lack of reassurance.
Every time we talk about possible future professions and I mention working in a club, he says that his family(and him) find that kind of work dishonorable and he says I shouldn’t pursue that type of job. I’ve explained that I don’t really care about if what I have the skills for is “honorable” and that pretty much the entirety of my mom’s side of the family has either worked in clubs or were constantly going to support the members that did work there so it wouldn’t be out of the ordinary in my family.
I sent the text before writing this, and he currently has his devices taken.(he’s not moving out of his parents house until he starts school, so they still control him) He has a “hidden laptop” , but he’s asleep right now(it’s 4 am) so he won’t see it until he wakes up. I apologized and explained myself in the text I sent.
Did I make the wrong choice? Should I have gone about it differently?
TL;DR I(F20) broke up with my bf(M24) because of a few “small” differences that are major problems for me
**Update!** Apparently he was awake, so I already have an update. We did end on good terms and are back to being best friends like we were before we got together. He was extremely understanding and kind about it. I appreciate the feedback I’ve already gotten. He’s a very traditional person, so his responses to those things is just personal preference but he wouldn’t have stopped me. And I did it over text because I wouldn’t be able to see him for a while and I’m not good at this kind of thing in person, I get too nervous and get scared that they’ll lash out. However, with me saying that, I should mention that he has never made me feel like he would lash out at me, I just don’t have the best past.
4 comments
You aren’t wrong to break up with someone who has different wants and life goals to you, or who judges things you like.
It’s wrong to dump someone by message, especially when it’ll be the first thing they see in the morning. But because I don’t know how old you are, I can’t really say if you did a morally bad thing or just an immature one.
Since you’ve faked your ages, there’s not really any other comment or advice anyone can make. If you’re 3 or 4 years younger than the fake ages, there’s a lot of concerning things about the relationship in your post.
Dude sounds like a control freak and it seems you dodged a bullet there. You guys want different things out of life and those differences don’t seem too small to me
you said you used fake ages – does this make you under 20 and your bf 20+? i only ask as it’s a red flag in itself without this weird, shitty behaviour. don’t look back you did a good thing trusting your gut and dumping him.
>ages are fake but have the same age gap
and
>been together for almost two months, in six days it would’ve been our 2 month
and
>when he finishes college
and
>I got jealous because I was standing with him and talking to one of my friends
…you’re still in high school, aren’t you?
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Anyway, slow your roll, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you, lean in to being single for a while, and get all those tattoos, girl!!