Being a single income family, we are tight on budget, credit card debt keeps pilling up. I don’t want my wife or kids go through financial stress. I feel like if she can find parttime job, that is not stressful to her. That would help our situation.

Am I thinking it wrong?

32 comments

  1. I’m 36, my wife is 34. We are finally at a point where we feel financially ready to have a child. We’ve been married for 5 years, dated long distance before that. So we wanted to spend the first years of our marriage truly getting to have that dating lifestyle, settling student loan debt, etc. Our plan was to get through a family vacation in June, and then start trying to conceive. Sounds great, right?

    Yeah, then I found out I had testicular cancer on July 1.

    Plan all you want, life is going to throw curve balls at you. If you want a 2nd child, have a 2nd child.

  2. If you plan for the perfect time it’ll never come. There are many ways to budget to have a kid, and if you’re on a single income, you dont have to worry about child care costs. If you want another kid, have one and rejoice!

  3. Certain kinds of debt are okay and even useful (e.g. a fixed-rate mortgage that is within your means). Credit card debt has a high interest rate, and will eat you up. Pay it off as fast as you’re able, then never charge anything if you can’t afford to pay it off in full each month.

  4. Life finds a way, and your finances/lifestyle will find a way too. No right time to have a kid. Best time is probably soon so your kids can play together though.

  6. There is never a perfect time to have a kid. If everyone waited the population would be much less than it is today

  7. Have your kids sooner rather than later, regardless of the money situation. It will be much better in the long run.

  8. You should definitely refinance your credit card debt into something significantly lower interest like a line of credit. And avoid using your credit cards after that.

    As for your wife working part time: make sure to include child care costs into your calculations. It’s possible that after paying for that, the income from a low stress part time job will be negligible. It will just take precious mom-child time away for little financial gain.

  9. You will always be an debt as parents. Make a timeline to pay off certain things and stick with that. She is on a timeline, wether wanting to have the kids closer in age, being able to bounce back to prebaby or just get the baby making out of the way, she has her reasons.

  11. There are more advantages to having kids closer together than disadvantages.

    If your career is stable I would have the kids sooner rather than later.

    Your income is likely to go up over time while your debts go down. You’re postponing this a bit with a second kid but you’ll be glad you did when you’re older.

    (I have 3 young kids for reference)

  12. Can you get your income up instead? There really is no right time and you may get a big surprise one of these months.

  13. Getting credit cards paid off and then not using them for anything you can’t pay off as if they were checks is the smartest move. That interest rate is usury plaiand simple.

    That said, work on that, but childcare costs will set you back more than most part time incomes can make worthwhile.

    If you can’t afford to pay down those cards and stop using credit cards as if it were income, then probably wisest not to have another kid til you can say that. I grew up in poverty and it sucked.

    I have several kids, and we got by only because we got a super cheap mortgage in a bad area with no yard. It has it’s uos and downs but better than renting would have been. We don’t have any credit card debt we can’t pay down pretty quickly if we need to.

    Drowning in debt is a trap that swallows you whole if you have no choice but to use them to buy food and necessities..that’sreal poverty. Try not to put yourself or your kids in that position.

  14. If you’re carrying CC debt, you guys need to sit down and talk about budgeting and personal finances. That sub has a wonderful wiki and sidebar and flowchart you can use.

  16. “Men plan and god laughs.”

    I had coworkers who waited and tried to budget for kids and by the time they were ready they were on the wrong side of 40 and it just didn’t happen

    We waited to have more kids and we wound up getting separated (unrelated). Life happens. No guarantees for tomorrow.

  18. So factors you have to think about…
    1) if your spouse gets a PT job 2 ways to view it a. She works to pay for sitter if she works same time as you or b. She works when your home from work to take care of baby- missing out on family time it is a double edge sword.
    2) if you don’t have a savings account get one and immediately put 10% of everyone of your paychecks in that account while still paying bills, once enough money is saved to payoff one of your CC debit then apply that normal payment to the next one each month and continue to save your 10% until you can cover the next one and repeat until you get debit free- stay away from consolidation loans. Once all CC debit is payed off pick the one with the best deal or lowest APR and close the others and then request that one to be increased to make up the difference so you have the ability to have the Oh Shit card. Then save your 10% plus the money saved from paying the CC this will allow you to be debt free and have saving.
    Hope this little bit of info is helpful.

  19. I think you are cognizant of finances and a planner. But there won’t be a perfect situation.

    When my wife and I started family planning, all we knew was that we wanted them all close in age. We wanted all the stages of child rearing close together. Finances were a little tight at times but we made it happen. But my income grew as the kids got older. And my wife started working just 1-2 evenings a week, mainly to get out of the house, and gradually worked back into full time by the time the youngest was 10 or 11. I couldn’t have planned it any better.

    Fortunately your income can support a family because childcare prices is hellish expensive.

  20. The other day I was going to a truck stop bathroom. As I opened the door these two little boys rushed out and literally ran over me. I laided there… on a truck stop bathroom floor and watched theses two boys run away… and then there mom popped around the corner.. and she said “I’m so sorry” and I was like: “it’s ok.” And it was. My little brother is like a year younger than me. It reminded me of that. I’m 38. Having a younger brother was great. You should do that too.

  21. Children are God’s greatest blessing. After 40, you will wish you had more in your earlier years. (I do). Especially after they start leaving the house. You have a stay at home wife? How does more children create a hardship? By the time the second one is born the first one will be out of diapers and eating solid food. With a stay at home wife, you can have children and still meet your finance goals if you make a budget and keep to it. Especially if she breast feeds. If your wife works even part time you’ll end up needing daycare, and that cost is more than housing in most areas.

  22. The “don’t have a kid you can’t afford” folks are right but so are the “don’t wait, have them while you’re young” folks are too. I am in the latter camp having had ours later and then wanting more but not being able to.

    The critical question is your financial TRAJECTORY. The whole credit card debt piling up thing doesn’t sound good but needs some context within the rest of your finances. Are you guys spending above your means right now? By how much? Can family help? How stable is your job? Do you have a reasonable chance of comp increase(s)?

    If you have a reasonable path to doing it with increasing your risk of homelessness or poverty then do it. Don’t put it up against a plan for retirement or whatever.

  23. Get the 2nd one. Getting out of debt is a long term project and it should work out just fine. How much debt do you have ?

  24. Definitely thinking it wrong. You may never reach this goal, or more likely you will end up moving your own goalposts

  25. I love my daughter, but we should’ve had her 10 years earlier. Having more time to tighten your belt and enjoy life with your kid is worth it in my opinion.

  26. yes (imo), unless *she’s* brought up this concept (housekeeping & baby/childcare is pretty much a fulltime job already, hmm?)

  27. Sit down and talk finances. She has the right to know where you stand financially and how you feel about conceiving now. Also look into free childcare from the state, calculate your tax breaks (my 3rd saved us $13k just because of the tax bracket she put us into) and see when you can actually afford a person. Also she should explore a part time job

  28. It depends. Is this amount of debt going to keep you from providing for your family? Making sure everyone has a roof over their head and are safe etc, etc. If yes, you could not in good conscience have another child IMO. If no, and you’ve got smaller financial problems to iron out, there are ways to make/save money.

    The responses that are like “go have another kid and just live off the government if you have to!!!” are very weird and worrisome lol.

  29. Some debt is good debt, I wouldn’t worry about your mortgage debt below a certain interest rate. Consumer debt like credit cards, student loan, and auto maybe pay off, but auto and student debt depends on your rate again.

  30. I’m not really in any position to offer advice since I’m neither a parent nor am I married. But I guess my advice, since you’re seeking it, is that if you feel that you’re already in a crunch, hold off on another kid for a couple of years. Get yourself better situated, then have the second baby. There’s no reason to rush.

  31. Im actually in a very similar situation to you only a couple years older – as you move into your 30s the amount of possible complications grows exponentially.

    I don’t know about your profession, but 6mo in the middle of my career is likely going to be far less time at the end of my career; more income and less debt.

    We’re healthy, so I don’t really buy the “I could keep up with kids better younger,” but since our next kid will be after my wife turns 35, thats a “geriatric pregnancy,” and they have to take a lot of additional steps… Women unfortunately do have a clock and I feel like a lot of people put “financial responsibility” above the health of their wife in these conversations.

  32. Don’t do it. Neither one of you remember the amount of work and stress a newborn is to have in the house. You have an older child who might need you sometimes and others they want to be alone. A baby/toddler/small child need you for everything. There is no escape from it. And they’re expensive. Formula and diapers? Goodness they’ve spiked in prices from when my kids were that age group.

    Listen, in the end, do what you want. We are all strangers here giving a piece of our mind. Take what we say with a grain of salt. I make my suggestion to you based off two friends of mine I’ve seen have older kids and then have a new baby and while they love that baby, they regret it at the same time. You give away your freedoms when you have a small baby around.

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