Hi Reddit, it’s my first post here and English isn’t my first language so I’m sorry for any mistakes
So I (24F) am with my boyfriend (28m) for 1,5 years. I feel in love very quickly but I didn’t say it for a long time because I was afraid he wouldn’t say it back. I know he used to say compliments to his first ex (he told me) ad was quite cute and stuff but he doesn’t say that stuff to me. I have to ask him what he thinks about my appearance and he usually say he thinks I look pretty. I meet that sort of thing in relationship and I told him that from very beginning. So to the main thing, I said “I love u” some time ago while we were goofing around and it was like “omg you’re lucky I love you” when he said something stupid (jokingly) and we were laughing but he act like he didn’t hear it. Some time past and we were out with his friend and girlfriend of that friend. We drunk a lot but I was fine on the way back to his flat . I said I love you when I felt brave (alcohol) and he again didn’t say It back. I didn’t react at that moment because we were still with friends but later I asked him why he didn’t say it back to me or something and he said he loved me very much and I should know it simply because he is in relationship with me. I get it but still I asked him why he has a problem with saying how he feels about me. He said it’s because he has some sort of trauma from his first relationship. Honestly I felt like shit after, I understand trauma because I have it too from past relationships (cheating and abuse) but I don’t treat him different because of it, he isn’t my exes so why I would make our relationship worse because of my past with somebody else. I know he loved her, when they broke up he couldn’t eat and stuff and I don’t think he still loves her but I just feel like I gave him all my heart and everything that nobody else ever even wanted to offer him but I get that detached version of him. I just feel like he wanted to give this side of him to others but I got that “I don’t believe in saying those things” kind of guy.
I tried to talk to him, don’t get me wrong I love him very much and I care about his feelings. I’m just afraid that I won’t ever hear that he loves me or that I’m simply important to him. I see it through his actions but words mean just as much to me.
I don’t know what to do
2 comments
Believe it or not but saying “i love you” is actually very very difficult for a lot of people. It makes them feel like they are weird (cringey) for saying it and it just feels uncomfortable. It would be nice if he said “i love you” to you, but remember that just because he doesnt say it, doesnt mean that he doesnt.
>He said it’s because he has some sort of trauma from his first relationship.
What steps is he taking to deal with this trauma?