What’s it like being the breadwinner in a relationship?

10 comments

1. If the man is insecure and narrow minded, it’s unbelievably annoying. If he’s secure and comfortable with himself, it’s great.

   My ex was insecure about it. He worked in a warehouse and I’m a doctor. I didn’t set the salaries man. My husband and I are about on par, but he’s a contractor so he gets random bonuses, hazard pay, contractor fees, and a myriad of other random incentives so he can make way more than me in a year, then make less the following

2. It’s fine. It’s not something we think or talk about a lot. There’s no need to. We’re equal partners in this thing regardless of who makes what.

3. Not fun because even though I’m the breadwinner, I don’t make enough to support us both after all this inflation we’re experiencing. It’s a constant stress and we’re very stuck where we are.

   If I could earn more money we’d be okay. We’re trying to figure it out, I have a couple ideas that I am waiting to see if I make one or the other happen.

4. [removed]

5. It’s normal and a little exhausting.

6. My wife doesn’t mind. She’s better at handling the money though.

7. It’s fine. I make about 50k base salary more than my partner, but we don’t really discuss it much? We split bills in a way that makes sense of the disparity.

   I’ve always made more than him, but this is the first time the pay gap has been this significant.

8. I like it because my husband is not the best at saving money or budgeting, so I have a little more control on how the money is spent/saved. Sounds controlling, but I know if he had total freedom, we’d have zero savings.

9. It’s going ok but mostly for three reasons: 1) I actually make enough to keep us comfortable; 2) we have an extremely equitable relationship otherwise (domestic and emotional labor); and 3) our financial goals are aligned and we communicate well and consistently. I do get scared – it’s all on me so if I lose my job we literally have no income. That is terrifying. And I hate feeling like the “money gate keeper”. But this situation means my kid gets a wonderful stay at home dad so we are happy with our choices.

10. Depends if it is by choice or circumstances. I was due to my ex being unable to hold down a job.
    For me it was extremely stressful and I struggled a lot with my mental health.

    He did not contribute at all with household chores either and that would have definitely been a different circumstance.