Why do you share/don’t share with your friends that you and your spouse had a fight?

10 comments

1. I don’t share our fights with anyone. They generally only last an hour or two, a day tops. In that time I busy myself with other things.

   I don’t want my friends or family to dislike my partner based on my biased account of a fight when I’m emotional

2. 1) Most of the things they will say are noise and will confuse me more
   2) I think we(my partner) can handle it privately
   3) I share depending on the issue: If it’s something you know the guy fucked up bad like cheating, hitting u etc, ofc I will tell them.
   4) I share so I will have more insights or suggestion (but still depends on the situation)

3. My general rule of thumb is to keep a tight lid on issues within my relationship from everyone except for my therapist, since she’s more capable of giving me unbiased and honest feedback.

   That said, this move kinda backfired for me in my previous relationship. My ex and I had a lot of issues on and off (including some behaviors of his that bordered on emotional abuse), but I always put on a good face. Unfortunately, that meant our breakup caught everyone by surprise and because he was not as tight lipped about our issues, a lot of people took his side.

4. Yea but only with my best friend. And only if I can’t figure out the fight. Or if I feel like I might have gone over board. And my best friend isn’t afraid to tell me that I was in the wrong and I should apologize. My best friend is also male so at times he can see things from a way different perspective than I can. I know he also does this with his best friend. And I am okay with it. His best friend is a super down to earth guy

5. Prefacing this by saying **my views don’t apply to abusive relationships**, and I am only speaking for myself.

   The best person to talk about fights with is my partner. When we have disagreements, I usually have the emotional capacity to process them on my own. I either just need to sleep, eat, go for a walk, or journal about it, and then I’ll be ok.

   The only external person I’m ready to share our fights to are a counselor or therapist. Seeing a professional gives me reassurance that I have the space to process the situation with minimal projections or unsolicited advice.

   I don’t share to friends or family because I don’t want them to project their stressors, past trauma and experiences to our relationship. As much as I love them, I want to protect my partner from negative perceptions from people close to me. I don’t ever want to be in a situation where all they remember about him are things I said while I was emotional and in distress.

6. My partner and I don’t really fight. We have minor disagreements and sometimes get frustrated but we talk things out. I often tell my friends about it and they help me see his perspective.

7. Because we’ve never had a fight that was big enough to make me feel like I needed to get any outside opinion. We have minor little spats here and there, but they’re rarely worth more than a roll of our eyes once we’re finished.

   If we had an argument in which I started to feel physically unsafe, and then if that happened over and over again, I’d eventually start mentioning it to someone outside the relationship, but I don’t see that ever happening with my partner.

8. I don’t, because it’s private. As adults, we’ll resolve whatever issue it is between us when we both cool down. I think it’s disrespectful to go tattling to someone outside the relationship when your partner isn’t there to defend themselves.

9. I’m more on the overshare side. But usually with a lil sarcasm, humor and self deprecation. I feel like most people I know feel the pressure of putting on a front of the perfect relationship. Let me help relieve you of thinking my life is perfect 💀

10. I don’t share anything about my relationship with anyone other than basic shit. It’s none of anyone’s business and the more people that know about things, good or bad, the easier it’ll be for people to come in between you. A relationship is me and my partner not me, them, our families, and our friends.