Me(F25) and my partner(M25) have been together for 10 years. For the past 1,5 year I’ve noticed that he really never initiates to hang out.
These days I have to BEG him to do anything with me, he will rather watch YouTube or play video games by himself.
I suggest activities like hiking, going to the movies, going dancing, museum, eating out etc. but his response is always:
“Ugh… that sounds boring, no thanks.”
This is especially when we are invited to a dinner by my family, I have to FORCE him to tag along, he zones out in conversations, spends 20+ minutes in the bathroom playing chess on his phone and makes sure to complain when we get back home.
1 out of 3 times he refuses coming to family dinner at all and it makes me so embarrassed making excuses for him.
We both need alone time, I love reading and he loves gaming, but for the past 6 months he has taken no interest in spending any time together. It’s difficult to even have meals together.
Should I keep initiating hanging out
or leave him alone so he can recognize what he’s missing out on?
Tl;dr boyfriend doesn’t want to hang out with me anymore and thinks everything is boring.
5 comments
Have you talked to him about how you feel like this is a trend in his behavior, and told him how it makes you feel?
Dragging a childhood relationship into adulthood is a mistake.
Y’all hitched your wagons to the first person who showed interest.
Now, ten years on, you are wildly different people than you were when you met. At twenty-five, you have more expectations than you did at 15 or 20.
I would cut bait and go see what else is out there.
Sitting around watching a romantic partner play video games and attending family events alone doesn’t seem to be the life that you want.
As someone in a 10+ year relationship, and not married, let me say that I don’t just give breaking up advice easily. That being said, you need to put on some big girl pants and point blank ask him what is going on. You tell him how you feel neglected and how he has rejected your initiations to spend time together. His response is what you will base your next actions on.
Does he open up and want to work on this? Is he going through a rough patch and need some time to get back into this groove? Or is he apathetic to what you’re saying and doesn’t seem to care. Don’t allow yourself to stay in a relationship where you have become overlooked because you’re just there and he thinks he has the security of you not leaving.
If he isn’t willing to work and put in true action you need to be willing to leave. People only treat you the way you allow them to treat you. No relationship is guaranteed for you to stay together. There are rough patches ofc, but no partner should be lifting the entire load and being taken for granted for half a year.
A few things it could be:
– he’s depressed
– he’s cheating
– you’ve outgrown each other.
Who you guys were at 15 isn’t who you are now. Maybe you’ve grown apart.
Telling you there’s nothing wrong though feels like a red flag. He’s either hiding something or just doesn’t care about your feelings at all. That’s not being in a partnership.
This does not seem like anyone has mentioned it yet, but how much does he game usually? It sounds like this could be caused by a gaming addiction.
Does he watch a lot of YouTube videos about games he’s playing? Gaming addiction can be the cause of a lot of neglect that’s not caused by a loss of interest in you, but rather an irresistable need to either play games/a specific game, or be looking at other content (youtube, twitch, Reddit,…) related to the game.
If this is all he’s thinking about every moment of the day he’s awake, it could be difficult for him to want to step away from it, e.g. to go to family gatherings or outside activities, and when he does he might still be thinking about it (and using long toilet breaks to consume content related to it)