Boyfriend only cums like 30% of the time. [28/m, 27/f]

45 comments

1. Is everything smooth in your relationship?

2. Have you talked to him about this? Has this been always the case for him?

3. Does he smoke a lot of pot? That could be one cause. Medication could be another or he could have death grip, meaning he does it by himself and can only do it that way but not with sex.

4. So I’ll preface this with I’m a dude, same age-ish as y’all- Also I’m sure I’ll get some stfu/you lying or whatnot for this but I know my body lol so whatever- but I’m the opposite to where my body will just go so I can gtfo/leave (I know this doesn’t help the part about you not feeling used) but I mention it bc I think whatever it is, it’s in the metal, or is for me anyway 🤷‍♂️

   In the 2 relationships I’ve had where I’ve experienced this, it’s bc i was on a different planet mentally. Like I won’t say your S/O doesn’t wanna be there on a diff planet or anything; I don’t know y’all like that, but for me-

   in situation 1, it was because I wasn’t over the last relationship. In situation 2, tbh it was just terrible vibes in the sense I usually wound up feeling used in a sense, albeit different than what your saying but it started happening again after a few months then too.

   I say all this because if y’all really like each other, I know ya don’t feel good right now, but if ya can find some way to talk about it! In situation 2 I outlined above, I really liked that girl. But we both sucked at talking and it fucked us both up in the end.

   If it ain’t that deep that’s cool too lol, but I’ll also say it wasn’t that deep for me with #2 above at first, but we ignored it and 💥💥 (in a bad way).

   Hope this helps somewhat! But main thing – be open, empathetic, and honest 😬

5. I would ask your partner about porn consumption and how often he masturbates. A combination of the two could be making it difficult for him to cum. I know those can be two difficult topics to talk about, but it could make all the difference. Best of luck, OP!

6. Maybe he has a death grip thing going on.
   Also, pounding all the time?? He doesn’t mix it up?

   Have some passion, don’t just FUCK, have him go down on you
   Beforehand, and maybe do the same.

7. And what does he do for you? Yes it’s true that plenty of women don’t cum from PiV but sex isn’t just all about him! Does he touch you otherwise? Go down on you? Care at all if you get to cum too? Sex should be satisfying and enjoyable for both of you and honestly all we’re hearing is making him sound pretty damn selfish:-/

   As for him does he masturbate? If so how? It sounds a lot like death grip where a guy is so used to jerking himself off with a really tight handhold that he struggles to cum from PiV or blowjobs

8. Oof, I’m sorry you are dealing with that. It sounds like you have very different expectations than what is happening and it is leaving you disappointed. It sucks that you feel used/ugly after… do you know why that is?

   I know many women take their partner’s orgasms/erections/arousal as a compliment; i.e., he got hard because I am sexy/he couldn’t get hard because I am ugly. This may be true some of the time, but just like your arousal and orgasms, men’s physiological sexual responses are complex and can come from different reasons. There’s lots of reasons why he might not cum. It could be from drugs (antidepressants, weed), mental state, what he is used to sexually, etc. I would talk to him about it and explain how you feel. See what he says

9. It’s called delayed ejaculation. Not much research on it but it’s more common than most realize. He’s probably disconnected from himself in some way and that’s not about you. But you can request a change in how he has sex with you. Could be more enjoyable if you’re treated how you want, and if you can call “the end” when you’re ready to be done.

10. Maybe needa spice it up with some new attire or some more effort

11. Is he on any medications? I’m (31M) on SSRIs which can have a similar effect.

    My advice would be to ask him to change it up in the bedroom so there’s more variety rather than him just ramming you and to accept that sex is amazing for a man even if he doesn’t cum. It’s about the entire experience, not just about two seconds of shooting goo at the end.

    It could be death grip, or it could be something else. But sex is enjoyable and worth it as a man even if you don’t cum.

12. It is hypocritical. Just read your own post. Orgasms are great, but there’s a lot more to sex.

13. I had that problem too, still do sometimes. The upside is I can go for like three hours and make women cum repeatedly.

14. Drug use could be a possibility, whether prescription or illegal.

    Could be that you two have only ever had sex this one way and it’s not as stimulating anymore. Did he have this kind of difficulty when you first met?

    Do you ever take control? Are you ever on top? Does he at least give oral?

    Have you tried roughly pounding his butt?

15. Is he circumcised? Lots of guys who are circumcised lose sensitivity and need to pound in order to cum.

16. He absolutely needs to quit watching & whacking off to porn. He has conditioned himself to only be able to cum during those conditions. He is desensitizing his mind as well as his body by doing that so much. And he’s probably been doing that for a long time.

17. Oh I forgot to say that he should also stay off drugs & specially alcohol beforehand if he’s having this issue.

18. Ask him about his kinks find something that really turns him on

19. First yes you’re being hypocritical, bodies are different. If you can’t come unless a certain way, he may as well.
    Then had you two tried different things? Oral? Using your hands? Letting him jerk off? Lube? I personally love Lube and otherwise might not come often.
    And you guys talk? The relationship and intimacy is something you develop. Sounds like you two just go at it and have a rigid definition of what sex is – though I could be wrong and assuning

20. Men don’t need to always ejaculate or orgasm from sex, just like women don’t. Sex can be and should be a pleasurable experience that doesn’t always have an “end game”.

    In saying that, if his only attempt at sex is “pounding you in multiple positions without cumming” then you both probably need to sit down and discuss sexual expectations and interests, because obviously what you’re currently doing is not working for both of you. Find ways to increase arousal for you both so that getting to climax is easier and more attainable if that is both your goals. That would be a good first step.

21. Ask him if he is prescribed or is taking opiates… if so that’s likely the reason.

22. [deleted]

23. I (23m) have never had an orgasm from penetration. I don’t get off on my own much and rarely consume porn. I am otherwise a healthy, regular dude, but I can go for a couple hours and never finish.

    It honestly hasn’t bothered any of my partners, they tend to prefer it to the more common issue of not lasting.

    I don’t know how common it is among guys, but yeah. I’d say more likely the thing you’re upset by is that you’re not fulfilled by the way you’re having sex, so to not get the satisfaction of having him finish after all that is frustrating.

    Talk to him about learning to change it up. I usually start with a slow, circular rhythm, until my partner starts to thrust against me a bit, and that’s the sign to switch to thrusting. I’ll start with a medium pace using only about half my length, and vary the speed and depth based on my partners reactions and how I’m feeling. When she seems ready, I either rub her clit or grind on it depending on position, while mostly holding still inside her.

    The variation and clitoral stimulation are usually able to get a few orgasms out of my partner, and we’ll usually get cleaned up and take a break before they return the favor with hands or mouth.

    Hope this helps somehow! And remember, the orgasm is just one part of sex, it’s only as important as you and your partner want it to be.

24. I can pound my girlfriend for hours and not cum. Not because I don’t find her attractive or she has a great looking body.

    I feel 56 feet and broke my back. I have 2 titanium rods and 9 screws holding them in place.

    So I can’t cum at times sometimes I cum 3 or more times in her

25. Have you tried talking about this with him? If you don’t like the jack hammering you should tell him. I also am not a fan and it does nothing for me.

    Are you able to have orgasms through vaginal sex? Have you ever with other guys? Also why is it ok for you to never get yours? Unless it’s impossible to do, I don’t see why you shouldn’t be having orgasms on a regular basis.

26. I find it hard to cum if my partner’s not into it. By your description you don’t sound into it, I would probably seldom cum with you.

27. You are correct in my experience. I wouldn’t sweat it too much though. I have always had the same thing. It is kinda unusual, but communication is very helpful.

28. How have you made it to this age without ever having good sex 😩 you poor thing. Sex isn’t about pounding as hard as you can for as long as you can. Where’s the foreplay? The change in rythym? Oral? Sensuality in general?

    Your bf needs to stop watching so much porn and read a karma sutra book or something.

29. So, just a bit of perspective for you. You are ok with not cuming from sex because you still enjoy it, but he enjoys sex and doesn’t cum and it’s a problem?

    Anyway, if you are having an issue with the roughness or maybe you just want some of the sexual focus to be on you, I would talk to him. But don’t make it an issue that he’s not cuming because that is just going to pressure him more. Have some nights where you’re the focus and he might actually cum more on the other nights.

    I know for me when I was young, rough sex was a way for me to blow off steam. I almost didn’t care about cumming but my wife pretty much wouldn’t accept it if I didn’t. I also had foreplay before sex everytime because there was no bigger turn on our energizer that making my wife cum and then beginning PIV.

    Find something that is a happy mix for both of you!

30. My old boyfriend almost could never cum even after 2 hours of me sucking him and giving him a hand job. I think it was because he was addicted to porn and jerking off all the time. I got a new boyfriend and he fucks me so good and cums in me. I love how so much.

31. I see everyone saying it’s normal and not to worry, but when this happened to me I was being cheated on and lied to about a porn addiction. He was busting like 2-3 times a day to really weird porn. I got STDs (luckily curable) from not addressing these concerns, and brushing off my concerns. IMHO you should at least talk about it. Could be nothing, but just wanted to share my experience with this.

32. It’s more than hypocritical it’s sexiest. You have the exact same thing but you find it’s a problem only for him.

33. You already found out yourself that you are being hypocritical here. It also reads a little bit like something powerplay related thing…

34. So why doesn’t he make you cum with your clit? Doesn’t care enough to give you pleasure? This has been going on for six years and your relationship “good and healthy”? Besides not caring about your pleasure,not listening to you or respecting your wishes:Respecting you in general. There are people out there that will care and show respect for you.

35. Why don’t he stimulates your clit during Sex.

36. Dude there’s something fucking wrong with this dude. Probably a mix of porn addiction/death grip. What you should be upset about is the clear lack of care he gives your body. If you feel used, even if you don’t state it, it should be obvious to most people. He just doesn’t sound like he cares. Leave.

37. Look up performance anxiety or death grip. Two different reasons guys might not come through vaginal sex.

    It’s not as uncommon as you might think.

38. Wow he sounds like he has no idea what he’s doing

39. Yes you are being hypocritical if he doesn’t mind not cumming from sex just like you don’t mind not cumming from sex why don’t you put your ego aside and let him enjoy sex how he wants to just like how he let’s you. As for the pounding havw you ever communicated with him that you’d like him to switch it up or are you just assuming he will pick up on the fact that you only don’t like it when he doesn’t cum from it.

40. So yall both not nutting enough. Maybe more lube? Play porn while doing it, more toys? Maybe more foreplay for both of you?

41. I’ve often had trouble reaching orgasm though vaginal penetration alone. But I learnt from counselling not to focus purely on penetration and the climax. Remember you’re not ugly and you’ve not failed just because he hasn’t come. Focus on exploring each others bodies, taking your time and trying out other forms of stimulation, e.g. mutual masturbation or oral. Sometimes the only way to climax for me is using my hand until almost coming then penetration to finish me off.

42. He isn’t making you cum with clitoral stimulation first? Like ever? To make you wetter and relaxed and satisfied so you’re less likely to be sore?

    What is the point of having sex with him ever if YOU never cum?

    I’m shocked more comments aren’t talking about that. Women’s orgasms really do not matter to a lot of people.

43. Its perfectly normal to not orgasm from sex as a guy, but if you want to have gentler or more intimate sex then you should tell him. He might think you only want it the rough way, or he might not know any better because he models the sex after porn he has watched.

44. Sounds like porn addiction

45. Tell him to stop wanking and watching porn. Problem solved 🙏