I (20)f wants to have sex but I don’t know any guy I am close with to share this vulnerable experience with me. It would be ideal to have someone experienced in that department bc I want my first time to be exciting. I am fully aware that it may not go as planned bc after care would be something I’d want with a long term partner. I know that if I have sex with a random person they’d just leave right after & I don’t know if I’m alright with that. So my question to whoever reading this, should I wait for the “right one” or find someone who’s wants no strings attached?

26 comments
  1. Having been with a good number of virgins in my years, and having been told that their experiences were really nice, can I offer the third possibility of having both? If you find the right man, he will both be experienced and want you to have a memorable and positive first time, likewise, and that can easily be no strings attached. I do aftercare with literally any girl I sleep with, long-term and in love, or hookup hotness. The right man won’t just cum and run, and that also doesn’t mean it can’t be no strings attached. So, point being, waiting for the “right one” can still mean no strings attached, if that’s something you’d like. (For the record, I am older, and I tend to be pursued by younger women, and from what I’ve been told, my age has set me apart from the kinds of younger guys who are interested in NSA.)

    If you have any questions, feel free to ask!

  2. This depends. Losing your virginity could really make or break you. If you go in knowing you don’t want anything with the person, I think that’s best. As some people get attached to the person they lose it to. Make sure your interests are both the same before you try to lose it.

  3. Wait! It really is something you will always look back on. I didn’t wait; while my first time was exciting, I do regret not doing it with someone who cared about me more. Now that I’m experienced, exciting sex is fun, but the best sex is with someone who you care for and they care for you. Trust me, its worth the wait!

  4. You can have the experience you want so long as you negotiate them with someone who takes you serious

  5. I wish I could offer my husband but you’re way too young and he would never.

    I hope you find someone perfect who can make your intro truly unforgettable and incomparable.

  6. ” I don’t know any guy I am close with to share this vulnerable experience with me…”

    The older you get most people are just going to assume you’re not a virgin unless you tell them otherwise. Some guys don’t want to be “the first” because they’re afraid a virgin might confuse sex with love or make some assumptions, they are now a couple.

    Others may think it won’t be a great experience for either of you because virgins tend to be nervous and tentative in bed, so they are neither good at giving or receiving pleasure.

    “I want my first time to be exciting.”

    That’s almost the equivalent of winning the lottery!

    For most people the first time they have sex *doesn’t* live up to the hype.

    If you have sex with a guy who is virgin or has very little experience it will likely be over within a minute or two once he gets inside you. Very few women climax their first time.

    Sex is one of those things which tends to get better with experience, being able to relax, knowing what turns your body on, and being able convey your wants/needs to your mate.

    Generally speaking, even those with experience rely on their standard “go to moves” when they get with a new lover. However, over time they learn to adapt to that person’s pleasure zones.

    Therefore, don’t be too surprised if your *first time* doesn’t feel like “New Year’s Eve”.

    “I know that if I have sex with a random person they’d just leave right after…”

    That’s not necessarily true. Circumstances often dictate what happens immediately.

    Generally speaking, if someone takes a person home from a nightclub for example, they usually end up spending the whole night together. Some people snuggle after sex and others roll over and go to sleep and you’ll discover your relationship status doesn’t always matter.

    Best wishes!

  7. so i also was the same age when i first had sex, and it realllly just depends what you are looking for and how you view sex.

    i grew up religious and always viewed virginity and sex in the same vein- i wanted it to be with someone i really love and who can be a long term partner. flash forward, i was tired of waiting for the right moment and person(it actually could be a rlly long time before you find them), and just had sex with a stranger.

    I honestly do not regret it at all!!! i’ve been with a couple people since then and honestly cannot believe i waited so long!! like actually, it kinda changed my life lmfao, i’m rlly happy i did it and now get to explore what i like while im still in my early 20s. also, the thought of getting practice for when i do meet a long term partner is really fun to me cause then i can be well versed.

    ik you mentioned aftercare, but idk you can still cuddle afterward and watch a movie or something, they don’t have to leave rightt after! but yeah, like i said, it’s completely just whatever you feel is best for u, but i don’t regret not waiting!

    edit: when i say stranger, i mean someone i met randomly at school. we talked and had common interests, so it wasn’t a complete stranger- just someone who was an acquaintance.

  8. M here, I had the exact same thinking in mind before I had sex the first time. I waited for the right person and never got it. One day I woke and said fuck it I I won’t wait anymore, I found a prostitute online and it was an extremely amazing experience for me. Lucky me she was hot af.

  9. Be patient bro, you should share your first time with someone that you like and that likes you back, make sure you know what you want and what you find attractive and don’t we afraid to say what’s up to them

  10. I mean, that’s going to depend on what you’re looking for. If you’re just looking to find out what all the fuss is about re: someone sticking their peen in your vajayjay, then any guy will do. But the vast majority of people, even the sex-positive ones, agree that sex with strings is better than NSA sex. If you want to reserve yourself for *that* experience, then it’s better to wait.

  11. Tone your expectations way down. There isn’t much magic on the first time at all.
    Also, you’re way too young. I lost my virginity at 25 and I don’t regret waiting.

  12. Please please please wait until it’s someone you really care about. Also make sure he’s down with the fact that he’s your first.

  13. Buy a toy. Get comfortable with your body. Get to know yourself. Then if ur up to letting someone else give you pleasure, let them. Don’t be scared of your body.

  14. Tbh it’s not fulfilling to be intimate with someone you have no connection to. Speaking from experience.

    Being a virgin isn’t a bad thing. It just means you have yet to unlock the secrets of the tingly bits.

    Whenever you do decide the time and person is right, make sure you both get std tests first so there are no surprises. It’s not exactly romantic but it is safe to unleash the tingly bits once a level of trust and undersanding is reached.

  15. Please wait for the right one. I didn’t realize how precious my first time should have been until I married my husband and didn’t have that to give him. I felt like I’d given away something that was precious and meant just for him, and I’d wasted it on a stupid boy in high school that didn’t give two thoughts about my well being. It is so special to make love to someone who truly loves and cares about you. It’s beyond a physical connection and trust is everything.
    Please cherish yourself in the ways I wasn’t able to cherish myself.

  16. 21yr old Virgin male I personally can’t do one night stands or fwb I crave a emotional connection/intimacy a best friend to feel safe with I know coming from a guy that sounds lame but that’s just who I am personally. Good luck on finding that special someone I’m waiting as well

  17. I’m a (26)f. I’m a virgin. Just like you I had decided to wait for the right one. Turns out the right person doesn’t exist or at least I haven’t met him yet. I didn’t even dare ever because of my idea of perfection. Thank God for one thing that I’m not a dependent person like that. Lots of my friends need to date because they constantly need a man’s validation.
    Coming back to your question, I chose to have my fair share of experiences two years ago. So, not sex but I decided to have a friends with benefits situation with this one guy. Did everything else but just mot sex. Anyway, he used to cum after making out so it wasn’t necessary.😂
    I would suggest you can do that. Don’t attach your feelings. Don’t have ultra high expectations of that becoming a Karan Johar love story. Just choose someone safe and respectful, have fun and make sure you don’t talk too much with this guy coz then feelings creep in.

  18. Sorry but this day and age not many want long term that young. My advice use an online dating site, I met the love of my life and now my wife on Match a few years ago.

  19. Wait.

    As a guy, not every guy cares about your pleasure, and would only use you as a cum bag (the same is true for women as well).

    My advice is live you life and fine someone who is not selfish in bed, who cares about your pleasure and will take their time with you. You can usually tell these guys from how they talk about sex, the language they use is ‘YOU’ centric and more than ‘lemme smash’ or ‘lemme rock your world’ and more like ‘what do you like’ and ‘what makes you cum.’ Of course you dont know, and these type of guys will be willing to explore it with you.

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