Hello fellow Redditors
My girlfriend (23F) and I (24M) have been dating for about 1 year and 3 months. Throughout our relationship we have had very few problems overall, despite a shaky last month that we both agree is just a rough patch due to some overwhelming personal stress in each of our lives.
Anyway, before our relationship began I had a female friend, let’s call her Jenna, whom I had made friends with when I first relocated to the college town my gf and I met at in 2020. I met Jenna in December of 2020 and my gf and I started dating in May 2022. About one month into me meeting Jenna, we drunkenly hooked up twice. We each decided that we didn’t want to take it any further romantically and that was that. Truth be told, the sex was terrible in my opinion.
Jenna and I became very good friends. We were best friends.
Fast forward and my current girlfriend and I are dating. Her and Jenna have met and I assume they like each other and will begin a friendship.
Then comes *the* question.
“did you ever hook up with her?”
Me being the honest gentleman that I am told the truth, even including how bad I thought the sex to be and how I truthfully have no romantic interest in her at all. After all, Jenna had been dating someone for about 10-11 months after we hooked up the second time (these two times were about a week apart). So I didn’t see it as a big deal. My girlfriend and I joke about stuff like that and even cringe at some of each others stories. Never gave her newfound friendship (or not) with Jenna another thought.
About 6 months into my gf and I dating, Jenna and I had a big big disagreement. I won’t go into specifics, but it was stupid. We each had somewhat decided not to be friends as we could not resolve our disagreement and felt it was for the best. Then, when the dust settled, our minds changed. My gf on the other hand, told me when this first happened that I shouldn’t be friends with her anymore and that she doesn’t deserve me as a friend and that she never liked Jenna to begin with.
I have continuously tried to make amends with Jenna although I feel at times it is my romantic relationship that gets in the way of it. My girlfriend would be upset if I ever hung out with Jenna again, even if it were in a group, just due to our past about 2.5 years ago. I love my girlfriend very much and don’t want to upset her, but at the same time I want to make amends with Jenna, who used to be my best friend.
I’m not sure what to do or how to rationalize it to my girlfriend. I truly don’t have any intentions of cheating or breaking her trust. I just want to see my friend again.
What is the best course of action for me to take in order to make her happy, but still have a friendship with Jenna (if possible)?
Also Context: Jenna has no idea my girlfriend doesn’t like her
2 comments
Why do you want to be in contact with Jenna so much? Especially with you two having a falling out, I understand why your gf is freaked out you want to make amends with her so bad. I think you should let it go and move on with the relationship with your gf (assuming you love her and aren’t conflicted). If having a relationship with Jenna is more important then break up with your gf. I know thats not the answer you want, but, YOU cant fix this problem. The problem is how someone else feels, you cant change that.
Is Jenna more important to you than your girlfriend? That answer should tell you everything you need to know.