Today my girlfriend and I were arguing. My girlfriend is a wonderful person, however, she is very dependent on me for her well-being and it can be very draining. We have been dating for about a year and a half. After a lot of arguing in the past, I eventually worked out a schedule where we hung out 4 days a week and didn’t see each other for 3 days. This was because we were seeing each other almost every day. Today was a day we agreed we wouldn’t see each other. She kept saying things like “How I wish you were here today” and “Are you coming over to hug me”. I would tell her “No Im sorry, we aren’t hanging out today I’ll see you tomorrow. Eventually this devolved into “I need proof you love me”. after she blew up my phone for a while, I just couldn’t take it and blocked her bc I was going to the gym and just wanted to focus on lifting. After I walked out, she was waiting in the parking lot with her car parked next to mine wanting an apology. I said that we need to take a break and would talk to her again on Friday. I feel like I was maybe a little mean, but I also feel like this was a step way to far and that she doesn’t respect me or my boundaries
25 comments
I think you did the right thing. You need space sometimes and she needs to respect that. She violated your boundaries and expected you to apologize for that, is ridiculous.
You’re both horrible to each other. She’s obsessive, and you should never block your partner. You fed into her insecurities and made it 100x worse than it needed to be.
I always tell people that if their partner *ever* blocks them, break up with them.
That’s not acceptable. Honestly, she needs therapy, it sounds like, because your relationship was sounding very codependent. And you should stay broken up
Edit: that being said, it’s a dick move to ever block your partner. Don’t do stuff like that in the future to anyone you’re dating
Break up with her. You know if you get married, it will be more than 4 times a week together, correct?
You don’t sound like a good fit tbh. You don’t want to see her that much, and then when she asked to see you, you blocked her? Yikes.
If you have to limit your time with her to 4 days a week, what kind of future do you guys have together? Seems like you’re simply tolerating her – and if you don’t want her, why not let her go?
Sounds like she needs to understand what boundaries are. I am currently in a very similar situation where we are only two weeks in and I keep getting told I’m the best man she has ever met and how she doesnt know how she deserves me etc etc. it’s very draining. I even ghosted her for 2 days because I needed a break but she wouldn’t accept it. She showed up to my house and sat in the driveway for 5 hours knocking on every window and door. We were supposed to hang out so I felt extremely bad but that was eye opening. I hate conflict and don’t want to hurt her feelings but I’m miserable and just putting on a show basically pretending to be interested but it’s to a point I can’t even fake what’s on my face. Also every time we hangout she needs to have sex and is ALWAYS trying to make out with me every 5 minutes. She will leave and go home and talk about how she misses me so bad already and is counting the seconds until she’s back in my arms. I feel so bad but it’s way too much and is so draining. I get so anxious and stressed trying to make up lies why I can’t hang out. I’m a single dad with full custody of my 3 yr old so it’s not hard to find an excuse but I don’t want to lead her on. She also is a huge overthinker from day one and always needed reassurance that I liked her.
Sry to rant on your post but this really hit home in my current situation.
It sounds like she has a very insecure attachment style and doesn’t respect your need for time alone to decompress.
You don’t want this in your life man. I’ve been down this road, quite recently actually. It will only escalate and get worse as time goes. Best to leave now.
You did right if you ask me. If she doesn’t want to take “bad news” and keeps on asking “please please please” after you told her she can’t have something, she really has to grow up… Seriously.
I think when you are at the point where you block someone, the relationship is over. She had no right to show up at the gym, that could have gone sideways. So, I’d remove myself from this situation. You are not compatible.
You are not comparable and she needs help
Yeah, that’s seriously clingy. If the genders were reversed there would be a pile of people posting those stupid little red flags all over this post and asking “is he controlling?” “Does he try to keep you away from your friends and family?”
She sounds kinda insecure and needy. You sound like you’re not into that. You can’t “fix” this with a schedule and boundaries. It’s going to be a constant sticking point until the relationship eventually ends.
My heart hurts for her. Clearly she has some problems that she needs help with. What she did is not healthy for either of you. If she’s willing to get some help and make changes, it’s your decision if it’s worth the time and effort it will take on your part. Blocking her while she’s upset and sounding like possibly having a panic attack was a cold move but I understand we all react differently when we feel pushed into a corner per say. Sorry for the long rant , in short yes , what she did was wrong.
This sounds like classic insecure – avoidant attachment. Most toxic pairing
Her response was pretty extreme, but you blocked her on your phone, ehich was also extreme. You’ve been together for a year and a half, and seeing each other “almost every day” was too much? After 1.5 years you only want to see her 4 days a week? Do you ever plan to move in together, or get married? It just sounds like this relationship is going nowhere and she needs more than you’re willing to give her.
You wrote she’s very dependent on you for her well-being, but didn’t really describe how. Does she just like spending time with you but she needs more time and attention than you’re willing to give? Tbh it just sounds like you’re not that invested in her or the relationship.
you both in the wrong. you need to communicate to her how you feel and explain that you need your own space, so you dont have to block her, and if she keep misrespecting you, drop it. she needs therapy, talk bout that w her and help her so you dont have to break up, if she refuse to go then, you will have to break up eventually
You’re a bad boyfriend in an incompatible relationship. She wants it one way, you want it another, and you both escalate on each other. This is not about her it’s about the core incompatibility, which includes you controlling everything.
Just break up. It’s not her. It’s the relationship. You 2 don’t belong together.
Don’t get into the “but I, but I, but…it’s her” routine. You do not come across well in your own story. Again, it’s the relationship–you 2 should both move on.
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Wait.. you created a schedule. You see her 3 of 7 days a week. Get the fuck out of here.. unless you both are still just casual and sort of dating, not normal.
You are clearly not ready to commit.
I think ESH.
If you want this badly to spend half of the week alone, she isn’t the girl for you.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to see your partner everyday or wanting to see them every second day or whatever it is. It is just down to compatibility. She wants someone who can give her more time. What you deem as “clingy” and “dependent” another man will deem it as “loving” and “caring”
Reddit is the wrong place for advice in these critical situations as most will just say break up. I think you guys need to see a therapist because you were BOTH toxic. It’s one thing to say a mature response and put your phone down and it’s another to say you blocked her entirely when she was obviously feeling unloved. Regardless of if you think it was reasonable, she actually felt those feelings. I wonder what is making her feel insecure or something in her personal life that maybe therapy individually would help as well. Maybe you will just find out that you are incompatible or maybe you will find a common language.
Please have empathy when approaching your partner and have a good discussion starting with a positive like that you love her and are committed (if that’s how you feel) and you just want to find a common ground as both of your behaviors were inappropriate.
I agree with most of the comments. However, I think you should take a moment and take her out and tell her how you feel truly. Very candidly. Tell her you love her, but it’s just getting a little overwhelming for you, and you need some time alone. Just need to figure things out. You can think about where to draw the line in the hanging out while away. Being in a relationship, naturally, you would want to spend most of your time together. But if that’s not the case, there should be boundaries drawn that are clear. You would save yourself from dating incompatible partners. A healthy relationship is one with clear boundaries that both partners agree on. Let her know your boundary. If she doesn’t respect it, then you know what to do.
If you need to make a rule that covers 43% of your waking life in order to avoid having to hang out with your gf… it’s a good indication the relationship is not a healthy one.
You two are clearly not compatible.
While I think her pulling up to the gym is a bit extra, I’m not really a fan of you either. If you’re at a point where you need to schedule days to see you girlfriend because you’re tired of spending so much time with her, what is even the point of dating her ? Usually when you’re in a relationship with someone, you’re hoping it’ll be long term whether it’s marriage or essentially that minus the legal aspect. Especially since it sounds like “love” has been a thing. I don’t imagine she want’s a relationship in which you find her so annoying that you straight up tell her “sorry you miss me but we’ve agreed we won’t be seeing each other today so see ya next visit” I mean that’s just ridiculous. Would you just never live with her and continue scheduling your relationship for years upon years ? I mean just break up already. She’s clearly not happy with this weird arrangement because she loves you and wants a normal relationship, and you don’t have any interest in seeing her beyond this schedule you’ve created. That doesn’t tend to equal healthy relationship. And now you’ve blocked her. Just end it so she can save herself from wasting more time on someone that she can’t see doesn’t like her, and then you can hopefully find someone that you do actually like being with
If you have to make a schedule and strictly only see each other on specified days something is wrong. Not saying you should spend every moment together, but you should want to see your girlfriend. I don’t think it’s fair to her. I would be pissed if my boyfriend blocked me. I wouldn’t show up at his gym, but I see how she feels unloved. She deserves someone who is excited to see her and wants to be with her outside of a schedule. She does sound codependent and needs to work on that but what you’re doing is not the way to help that. A break sounds like a good place to start. If you like how your freedom feels, breakup. If you miss her, get rid of the schedule and work things out.