I’m a junior network engineer currently working at GE Aerospace as a contractor for CBTS. The job and pay are good, but the social interactions are questionable. I should mention that I have ADHD, social anxiety and mild depression. I’m also in the Southern part of the USA and part of the LGBTQ club (married). Anyway, ever since I started this job the work climate just feels off and I’m not sure what to do to improve my work relations.
People barely talk to me, I gather it’s most likely my fault because I’m really shy and I do have a tendency to glance at people and not engage in conversation. I wouldn’t call it staring because I don’t continue to look more than a minute but I guess it could be perceived that way. However, I do glance and have begun at-least waving and saying hey to people to try and break the ice but nothing major other than surface level stuff. You see conversations are my weak spot, I’m so afraid of failure because my desire to be liked and accepted is so great. Things are improving I guess, but today I waved at a female co-worker today and she just rolled her eyes in awkwardness. This is after I complimented her on her hair and told her about myself and why I’m there and asked her about herself. People look the other way if they see me acknowledge them. I guess it’s my fault but if I had a shred of the self confidence I’m sure these other people have I would go out of my way to make them feel more comfortable.
I think I’m unofficially labeled the office weirdo or something because people’s body language and confidence to approach me for introductions are virtually non-existent. The majority of guys there I feel are either homophobic or just too scared to try and befriend me barring a very select few. I wouldn’t give it much thought but this is a pattern I see in my life. Connecting with other guys in life and at work isn’t easy for gay men even if you haven’t come out at work like myself. But because I kinda look like a kpop band member minus the noticeable makeup, people can tell. That’s my perception of the events in my workplace, any advice or strategies I could try?
2 comments
Its the culture
The culture sucks. However they need you. When I got my first job out of college I was slightly homophobic and living in a red state. Fortunately after some time I got to be friends with my socially awkward coworker and he eventually came out to me. I credit that relationship with changing my perceptions and that relationship is one that I hold dear. Looking back I realize the rest of the staff avoided him like the plague and mocked him. I hate that for him but I’m glad he kept himself open to a friendship with me because it changed my life for there better.