Has anyone gone from living together to LDR? I(22F) am moving abroad for a year and feeling overwhelmed because I really love the way my relationship currently is.. debating if I should even go.

18 comments

1. Definitely do it. Take the chance while you’re young

2. I mean, it’s a risk. One positive is that you already have a healthy established relationship that is more likely to survive being apart for a year. Knowing it’s for a limited period of time also helps. However, being apart will have some strain on your relationship. You have to balance the benefits of your year abroad with the risks. That being said you are young and this is a pretty unique opportunity to experience living in a different culture. You will soon graduate, get a job and maybe a family and then it will be much harder to travel or move. If your relationship is stable and your partner is fine with it I would say go for it! Life is uncertain anyway, even if you stay there is no guarantee your relationship will be better so why not take the opportunity to have this experience?

3. Go study abroad. I did the same thing and lost a GF over it. Looking back, I got qualitatively more out of going abroad than I ever got out of the relationship.

   May I add that for a 22 year old, your need for comfort needs to be contained. Now is the time to put yourself in situations that challenge you, not ones that will enhance or protect your comfort.

4. I am 100% against LDR. I would never do one and I don’t know why people try these things.

   Be together or break up. If my girl just said, I’m moving out….see ya in a year then that is a break up. I’d start dating other women immediately. If I were going to move out and leave myself, I’d break up.

   Hey, in a year “IF” you ever move back and he still even lives in the same town……if you are both available you could try dating again but if you are leaving for a year…..do both of you a favor and end things, then you are both free to just move on and start dating other people.

   Obviously the relationship doesn’t mean that much….your career, or travel time, or whatever it is you are doing trumps him so just devote yourself to you top priority in life (him, career….whatever it is) and let the 2nd and 3rd priorities of your life fall away.

5. Lived with my partner for 2 years before me graduating uni pulled us apart for a year while she studied and I worked. It was tough but we are getting married this year after going back to living together.

   At no point was I worried the relationship would fail, I just knew it was going to be tough because we missed each other.

   Edit: forgot to mention that if OP and partners relationship is as strong as it sounds you’ll be fine

6. If you go, you’ll regret the strong, intimate, in-person relationship you’re leaving behind. If you don’t go, you’ll regret the experience abroad you may have had. Either way, you will assuredly exacerbate these fantasies. I’d say you have a better chance at keeping the relationship alive while abroad having already developed a significant foundation. Plus, in your case, there’s a timestamp of 1-year and that’s what makes LDRs doable.

7. Hey I kind of went thought this recently when I had to move away for my last year of college after living with my bf for a while. I was also feeling a lot like you in the beginning. I felt like everything was going to fall apart and the relationship wouldn’t survive. My bf was a lot more chill lol. The year is now over and we’re moving in together next week.

   It is much easier when there’s a set timeline like this. If you have the opportunity to visit during winter break do so. Otherwise, hang out on calls even if you’re each doing your own thing and not talking all the time. Find tv shows, movies or video games you can watch or play at a distance. Remind each other that you miss them and make plans for when you’re together again. Send pictures and text frequently even if you don’t expect an immediate answer. It’s not going to be easy but it’s doable and a strong relationship can survive it.

8. Do it.

   I had the ability to study abroad when I was an undergrad, but I was in a relationship that was going great and ultimately decided not to go. I ended up getting married that girl.

   We got divorced last year. And there is no part of me that doesn’t regret not going.

   You may break up, you may not. You may end up marrying them, you may not. But you will likely never have this opportunity again. If y’all are strong enough you’ll be fine with LDR, but don’t be like me and miss out on one of the best opportunities you’ll ever have.

9. I was in an unfortunate situation where studying abroad was incredibly hard to plan around for my degree do to my advisor being incredibly unhelpful (I wanted to go my sophomore year, she told me my junior year would have been better, and then come junior year, it was impossible to go if I wanted to graduate on time, and sophomore year would have been the better option. while my SO encouraged that I do it because I wanted to, I also really didn’t want to leave her alone long term. Even though it was slightly out of my control (I could have gone in the summer if I really wanted to) I do regret not studying abroad, as I know it’s something I would have loved to do. Fortunately, We were able to make up for it after graduation by taking a year off to travel, so I don’t feel like a fully missed out, but I would recommend going! If money isn’t a big issue, Maybe your boyfriend can meet you up there for a week and have a mini vacation together, and you can show him around like your a local!

10. I’m in academia. A lot of my friends have gone LDR to study abroad and leave their partner behind, and a lot have turned down opportunities to study abroad to stay with their partner.

    No one I know has regretted studying abroad. One person came back early because it wasn’t for them but they were glad they tried. A few people ended up losing their relationships but they felt it was for the best for various reasons. Not a single person regretted their choice.

    Most of the people I know who decided not to study abroad either regret it or are at least a bit sad they gave up the chance.

    My partner studied abroad and we went into a LDR and it sucked. But it was worth it for both of us and I’d probably do it again. We were both really busy during the weeks and basically only really had one proper catch up every week or two on the weekend, and just sent cat pictures or whatever during the week. That worked well for us, though I know a lot of people would struggle. Being busy definitely made it easier! In some ways it felt like the relationship was on hold for that time, but that was OK for us.

11. Definitely do it!!

    My experience is a bit different, but I’ll tell it here: My boyfriend and I moved to separate countries and didn’t see each other for 15 months. So almost a year and a half of not seeing one another. It was SO HARD, but it was also so worth it. We both had amazing experiences that changed the course of our lives, and we learned to communicate better because we had to. This will be an exercise in self awareness, and learning to let yourself be vulnerable so you don’t let the fear and hurt cloud your relationship. I got super jealous a lot over quite literally nothing, and I had to manage that on my own. But I did, and here we are, three years later, still together and now living together. We’re getting ready to go long distance again for a brief period this fall when I go back to school, but I feel so much more confident about it knowing that we’ve done it before.

    You’ve got this. Don’t psych yourself out of a once in a lifetime opportunity

12. I did and it failed, but we didn’t have any kind of time frame or plan for living together again.

13. A year will fly by. Don’t worry. You should go for it. You don’t want to end up with what ifs.

    In LDR, give each other a time every week. Set a time to talk to each other and stick to that. Also love language come in many forms. It is not limited to physical touch.

    I have been in LDR with my bf for 2 years now. I know its not thw same as yours situation. But we are stronger than ever. There is still more than 1 year left for us to meet but we are always here for each other.

    If you trust in your relationship then you should not have this fear. And good luck!

14. It’s just a year. You guys sound solid. I think if your relationships built to last this won’t do anything except make you miss each other more. But when you’re reunited it’ll feel heavenly. Do you know the phrase you don’t know what you have until it’s gone? How about if you love something let it go if it doesn’t come back it wasn’t meant to be anyway? I think you owe it to yourself to have this experience, and I think that if he’s the only reason to stay it isn’t worth it. You both love each other so spend the year apart. If it’s meant to be it really will happen.

    An easy way to tell if going is the right choice, if you decided not to go and then 2 weeks after the cut off to enroll you find out hes been having an affair on you the whole time you’ve been together… If you would feel regret for not having gone then you should absolutely go regardless of being with him.

15. Take the trip abroad.

    It’s an amazing experience that you will talk about for years and decades later.

16. A year isn’t long, it’ll be hard but I think it’s worth it. It sounds like you’re both really committed to making it work – yeah it’ll be a strain but it seems like you’re solid enough to make it through that just fine. I really, really regret not studying abroad at all in college. I would definitely take the chance.

17. When I studied abroad, the first thing the country panel folks asked us was, are you in a relationship. It was strong suggested that if you were, end it or take a break. Which I understood but thought was stupid.

    One of the girls who went had a boyfriend and they were on very ehhh terms. Like they agreed that they weren’t gonna stay together while she was away. They stayed together during the term basically. Send each other pictures of their meal every day. She didn’t try dating anybody else. He came to visit. They ended up breaking up over other issues a year or two after she returned.

    I believe people can do it. It sucks but people can do it. Knowing there’s an end point really helps. Almost everybody’s significant other came to visit during the semester and that was very fun (for me, to meet people’s SO).

18. My best friend got offered a job across the country, then got engaged before she accepted it. She moved and signed a lease for 8 months. She had always wanted to live in the state where the new job was, and she knew she would regret not going. She’s 26 and the thought of leaving her fiancé with whom she lived for over a year was scary, but she was more scared at not living her life. She was more scared of being someone that didn’t take risks. And she was more scared that if this relationship failed by going LDR, she was in for hurt breaking off the engagement later. But she knew that if it didn’t last, he wasn’t the one for her.

    When I visited her, she was so stressed about their wedding. She hadn’t considered how difficult it would be to plan her wedding thousands of miles away. No checking the venues in person or regular fittings for her dress. She told me she wasn’t sure she would marry him. That thought made her pensive and she decided to fly home and see her fiancé. When she was home, they decided that they didn’t want the big wedding after all. They’re doing a teeny destination wedding after she moves home. I’ll give it to the broad, flying home to find out if you’re ending your engagement or changing your wedding plans is bold. But their relationship stood the test and they’re stronger for it.

    Go. You’ll regret it if you don’t. I’m 27 and look back at college wishing I had studied abroad and wishing I hadn’t given time to the men I did. I’m not saying your relationship isn’t lovely, but it’ll last if it’s meant to. Go live a separate life for a while. It’s probably going to be fun! And truthfully, you could always come back. Don’t sweat it. Have a blast abroad.

    Edited to add: I love my boyfriend so much. We have lived together for much of our relationship and I wouldn’t want to lose him for anything. But damn if I don’t wish I lived alone sometimes – not indefinitely, but for like one week every year. Most of my married friends agree. Life is so much simpler in your own space, on your own terms. If you’re already living together, it’s rare you will ever live alone again if you get hitched. So enjoy your time. Watch movies and ugly cry. Eat too much and drink good wine. Turn the music up and dance. If for nothing else, for me! I’ll be thinking about you getting a real and legit chance to live alone again. LOL