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I think women get away with bloody murder while if a man did the same thing he’d be demonized I’ve seen it multiple times here on Reddit women do the same shit men to but somehow get the benefit of the doubt
When you’re a kid, having a racecar bed is considered “cool” but now that I’m in my late 20s whenever I propose the idea of getting a badass new racecar bed to my fiancé since we need a new one she just says things like “what’s wrong with you” or “I’m leaving you”.
It’s such bullshit!
Men who say no to sex with their SO are viewed negatively yet women can gate keep sex and say no for any reason they please and it’s justified.
Point is consent seems to only go one way.
You’ll generally see it on reddit pretty often, however you’ll always see at least a few people call out the hypocrisy. Women are almost always given the benefit of the doubt in situations, be it a post about a failing marriage, serious crime, etc.
How a woman can have a male friend, or like a males post, or bring up a guy is good looking, and it’s viewed in a entirely different tone than if her male counterpart did the exact same things.
I am frequently sexually harassed at the hospital by staff and patients. I’m a fairly fit decent looking guy. I hear crazy shit, a young nurse commented on my dick that was outlined in my scrubs, didn’t wear those again, and it gets crazier from there. I have had patients touch my dick, nurses rub my arms and shoulders. If we were friends maybe, but you’re married. If I did this I’d lose my job or worse. I’m hyperaware that women deal with men’s shit all the time, but so do we deal with the same from women. Everyone acts like sexually explicit behavior is just a guy thing. It is not. My male manager and I talked about it once and he just said “it’s gotten better.” WTF…. I’m a dude in the female driven empire of nursing.
Double edit: Sexual harassment is not about sex. It’s about power and reducing someone to an object. I know it seems awesome to have a group of women create a gossip train about your penis, but it really isn’t.
Edit: I didn’t expect this comment to gain attention. As with predatory men this is a very small percentage of women. My issue, that I may have poorly worded, is the double standards regarding accountability for sexual harassment. I’m also sorry for some of the people who’ve sent messages. My experiences pale in comparison to some of you guys. Your story matters to me.
Walking into a gas station with a newborn in a carrier. Lady shuts the door behind her instead of holding the door open.
You ever join a parenting group as a dad?
Watching women fail physical standards for civil service jobs like Police and Fire Department, and it being waiverable.
When the girls in class would have a question especially in math they would get an answer from the teacher immediately. When the boys asked a question then it was always because of “They didn’t listen”
When women have a job, house, car they are independent boss babes. But men are average.
When a woman cheats it’s always because she had a “good” reason. When a man does it’s because he’s a dog or an asshole.
They’re both assholes.
The idea that there is toxic masculinity while denying toxic femininity exists. The reason it’s a double standard is because people in general have the ability to be toxic and it’s not specifically 1 gender that has that issue or ability, yet the people that openly say it don’t see that they’re actually toxic people themselves. You can tell because toxic people usually tend to have narcissistic traits, and the one highlighted the most in this case is deflecting responsibility and accountability for their own toxic on anyone and anything to avoid being at fault. So when they generalize any sort of challenge to their toxicity them, and the groups that enable and encourage them in their toxic behavior, they label them as toxic themselves for refusing to adhere to their toxic mentality in an effort to silence them and unwarrantedly shift blame to them for the simple act of putting accountability and responsibility back on their shoulders for their actions, words, and behavior.
Edit: it’s amazing how many women have responded towards defending their terminology without actually disproving my point, it’s like a roller coaster of getting downvoted and upvoted and I can tell how rampant the narcissism is from women that display the toxic behavior I’m referencing just from seeing that. Thanks for proving my point!
I’ve received hostility for turning down women before. An ex of mine would start arguments with me if I was not in the mood for sex. I once had a random woman slap me in the back of the head and call me gay for turning her down.
Also, in the dating scene, I’m usually the one that’s required to do all the work to make things interesting. If a relationship is getting boring, I have to plan fun things, otherwise it’s my fault she’s bored. Dead bedroom? I have to figure out how to spice things up. Someone calls themselves “romantic”? It means they want me to surprise them with romantic gestures all the time while I receive nothing in return.
We have a alot of cultural pressure to appear tough and good in a fight…
Unless you actually are and win fights. Then you’re considered a violent person and a hazard.
People love a man who edges violence but doesn’t actually do anything.
Side-bar: This bothers me so much since the “alpha” movement took off because they’re all aggressive and beat their chest at folk but immediately play victim when it doesn’t go the way they fantasized.
Also we’re expected to always love sexual attention. Getting groped and handled is a constant if you work with women but if we say anything about it it becomes a question of what’s wrong with us for wanting to not be touched.
Me: tries to initiate sex
Her: not tonight
Me: goes to a different room to eat snacks until my boner goes away
Her: why are you moping, this sucks
Damn it woman, just let me mope. My body my choice to mope.
Growing up with a sister is like “don’t hit girls no matter what. I don’t care how much she provoked you, you’re not allowed to defend yourself!” While at the same time “oh, she stabbed you again? Well you must have provoked her, you’re grounded!”
This one is more sexual but it’s a double standard I’ve noticed:
If a woman cannot get wet during sex that is the man’s fault. If a man cannot get hard during sex that’s… also his fault?
Night clubs. Women get in free men pay $40
Somehow saying “small dick energy” is perfectly fine, but say anything about a woman’s body and boom, automatic misogynist…
Got molested by a female babysitter when I was younger. Told 2 male therapist and they told me stop complaining, basically the reaction from most other people too. Like no one bats an eye, I’ve even been asked before “how was it?!”
Women not being able to handle rejection. I’m not gay or a eunuch, I’m just not interested
Woman in a relationship can be like “this guy is hot” 10 times while watching a movie or show, but if her bf was like “this woman is hot”, hell breaks loose.
To pick super low hanging fruit: showing emotions and playing with children, even their own cousins, nephews/nieces, etc, even more so if said child happens to be not male but female.
How people view women who like usually “male” considered stuff/topics/hobbies vs the other way round.
16yo girls can give each other a peck on the lips while just being friends, but if 16yo boys do the same people don’t even assume, they “know” they are a gay couple, usually even just if they hug for more than 1 second when meeting/leaving and it’s literally impossible to convince them otherwise.
Guys are expected to behave “chivalrous”, but nobody expects women to also adhere to their part of that codex.
Women refuse to adhere to traditional gener roles while at the same time expecting guys to adhere to their traditional gender role 100%
Male teacher + underage female student = “Teacher molests student/predator/disgusting” or similar, female teacher + underage male student = “teacher has sex with student/lucky guy/good for him” or similar
The call for quotas for high-paying and/or quite comfy jobs, but not for uncomfy/dangerous/low paying jobs.
I remember like a decade ago it was “women are surpressed and systematically held back, that’s why there are less female then male university students” so we had to support them specifically. Now there are less male than female students and it’s “because women are just better suited for academic careers”.
Adding to that, the sheer amount of (at least in my country) scholarships that literally are given to women in STEM-courses/studies at university, while there is not a single one for guys in ANY field. Like a bunch of women literally get federal money for doing the exact same thing that guys do just because they are women, and then there of course are still the scholarships for excellent performance/grades, that are open to anyone, but not a single one in my country is for guys only.
The still existing and astoundingly common idea that if a guy slaps his gf/wife, he’s an asshole (fair enough), but if a woman slaps her bf/husband, he definitely deserved it. Similar, if the guy cheats, he’s ans asshoole and it’s his fault (again, fair enough), but if the woman cheats, it’s immediately assumed that he must’ve done something to “make her cheat” so it’s again his fault (wtf?). The same concept can be applied to about everything around relationships/dating – like ghosting, silent treatment etc up to breaking up.
Another kinda related thing: If a woman doesn’t want sex, just accept it (obviously, fair enough). If a guy doesn’t want sex, he’s gay. If that happens in a relationship, if the woman doesn’t want sex one day, accept it, if the guy doesn’t want sex, he for sure is cheating and evil and how can he dare to deprive his gf/wife of that pleasure etc.
It’s been two years, just two freaking years since I’ve for the first time ever seen an instance of a “guy’s day” or whatever the establishment in question (usually a restaurant, a casino etc) wants to call it, where there is a special offer only for guys (every pizza just costs X, 50 extra when entering the casino, free coke to your popcorn, whatever), but it’s more than a decade since I’ve seen the first instance of the same for women, and even that’s likely only because I can’t remember if I’ve seen it even earlier. And to the day, I know of like… 3 establishments in total that I ever visited in my entire life, wher there is a guy’s only offering on a specific day (date or day of the week), while every other restaurant has it, every single cinema and even most gas stations for women.
Also I recently learned that 2 decades ago, the local spa thing had one afternoon reserved for women only in the outside sauna (basically an extra cabin in the outside area with like one way windows afaik) during the week and another one for men. During that afternoon, their still was the sauna in the indoor area available to any gender. Then about a decade ago, the men-only-afternoon was cut but the women-only-afternoon stayed – nobody said something (except for the guys who liked it but hey, they are just some guys, right?). But oh my lord, guess what happened when they also cut the women-only-afternoon a few months ago. Even the local newspaper had 2 entire pages dedicated to that (also that’s where I learned about it in the first place) – but only the women-only-afternoon being cut. The fact that there used to be a men-only-afternoon was more like a side note that ended on “yeah but that’s fine, it’s okay that was cut” basically.
My daughter is now 11, but when she was younger, a lot of women were surprised at how involved I was in my daughter’s education, medical appts, and her life in general. There is still the double standard where it’s assumed the mother is the one who knows all the details of their kids’ lives. My wife had a very busy career and so we tried to evenly split all the parenting responsibilities as much as possible. It was amazing at how many places like playgrounds or fun kid stuff where it would be just my daughter and I, and it was assumed I was a single dad or more often that it was my custody time. Fortunately, my daughter looks very like me because I would sometimes get double takes from mom’s to make sure I was not stealing some random kid or a pedophile.
That leads to the second point. Women taking advantage of a male teenager rarely get the same disgust compared to a male taking advantage of a female teenager. It’s always an abuse of power and wrong no matter who does it. The double standards for this by teachers are the worst.
I raised my daughter as a single dad. A bunch of times I was questioned for taking her into the bathroom. Like “who are you?” or “are you ok sweetie?” like, fuck off! Just because I’m raising my daughter as a man doesn’t mean you get to question me or my daughter.
When you talk about issues men face, it’s taken as “ignore women’s issues.”
No, just because I’m concerned about the male suicide rate doesn’t mean I’m telling you to forget about women’s issues or make me a misogynist
As a man, even in the most progressive countries, you are seen as the secondary parent to your child.
A girl I’ve been meeting for two months said that before me she was being pursued by a super fit and muscular guy (while I’m not), I called her out on that and as a result Im a pussy, I’m insecure blah blah blah, but if I told her just before dating her I was with a woman with better tits, ass or more beautiful I’d be an asshole.
Men are still pressured to meet gender stereotypes. Women are characterized as strong for going against those stereotypes.
If sex with her is not that great that is my fault. If she does not enjoy sex with me that is also my fault.
I was raped by one of my best woman friends. No one believes me or if they do, they don’t give a shit. There will never be any kind hastag movement that changes anyone’s awareness. Because harm to men is expected, like we deserve it. We are disposable. If I speak up about it to men, I’m just supposed to shut up and get over it. If I speak to non-men, I get a sarcastic, “Won’t someone please think of the menz!” Again, just get over it.
It happened over 20years ago and I still think about it in some way almost every day.
I’m not interested in any useless “I’m sorry that happened to you” s. I want men’s pain and suffering to actually matter to society and not just be dismissed as a price of existence.
I work in the bar industry as a bouncer. The double standard is how much woman will touch me without consent, feel entitled to talk to me, as i try to ignore them. I always ask them if they would like it if a random drunk guy came up to them and touched them while they’re working and they’re like : 😧
Crazy part is if the roles were reversed, if I was a drunk bar patron and decided to go bother and touch a bottle girl overall I’d first get jumped then I’d get SA charges
As other men have pointed sexual harrassment. Here are just a few examples.
When I was competing as a powerlifter I was in extremely great shape. When I was working retail [early 20’s] I was wearing a dress shirt and tie and had a female coworker [early 20’s] feel up my chest while making a comment on how rock hard it was. I was flattered for a second but quickly realized how innapropriate it was. I asked her “would I be able to touch your chest?” . She turned red and said no.
During my medical school white coat ceremony, the Doctor [a middle aged female surgeon] while coating me on stage said “oh honey yourself so muscular” while squeezing my arms and shoulders.
During an award ceremony, the donors, majority were women in there 60’s and 70’s were rubbing my back and shoulders proclaiming how strong I was. I felt extremely uncomfortable. What could I do/say they had awarded me with multiple scholarships throughout the year totaling close to 20k.
While I was leaving the gym. I random women came up to me, squeezed my bicep and pulling my arm urging me to go home with her. I don’t know if she was serious or not but I didn’t find it funny. Her friend ran up to us and scolded her and apologized on her behalf.
I also had an older male follow me around the gym and would gift me small items [box of protein bars, pre workout tubs, gym clothing]. He always claimed he was ferting these items for free which is fine… but it wasnt cool when he followed me from the Suana to the locker rook and just stood naked in front of me.
Patients and staff are more respectful when I wear my white coat since you can’t see my body. But if I wear scrubs, cat calls are common from patients and occasionally nurses and medical assistants.
And the list goes on. When I’ve brought it up with friends bit men and women shoot me down. And while I’m flattered to receive a polite compliment it’s never ok to grope me.
They all really just stem from one major societal difference. Men get nothing but agency, women get nothing but empathy. Men are responsible; women are victims.
Makes it hard for a woman to be taken seriously while it makes it hard for men to be considered anything but disposable utilities. The only thing we have done to address this… Is by further empathizing women and forcing others to give them agency…. In an empathetic way. We then look toward men and tell them to open up… By holding them responsible for being open in a pure agency manner without actually intending to consider their real feelings valid. They must feel the way they are responsible to feel. Fixes nothing and damages everyone.