I don’t really have friends in real life. I have people I can hang out with sometimes, celebrate birthdays and this stuff. But I don’t feel very connected to these people I recently recognized I am very unhappy with my life. I have nothing to do in my free time. Most of the time I sleep or wait until my close online friend is online. I wish I had her near me. I would love to go in the park with her or going in a coffee shop or stuff like this, but I can’t. I never did things like this to be honest, but I want to try it! There must be things that make me happy, maybe that’s some of it! Me and my online friend live in different countries. So I think I need people here near me I can do this with.
I probably should go in therapy. My online friend recently told me it could help me. And personally I thought about this for several years now, but I was always very scared of the reactions of others. But I think I am gonna do it now. Maybe it helps me to do things on my own. For example I want to go to the gym but I have no one to go with and I am scared of going alone. Maybe a therapy makes me happier overall.
But I will have to wait a little bit before I start a therapy because I want to talk about it with some people. So I thought maybe someone could give me some advice on how to make friends. And what would you do, if you were in my position?
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Sadly from what I have read, seen, and even experienced, it has become harder and harder to make friends. Like you said, there is an abundance of acquaintances but not everyone is a friend. I lowkey want the answer to this question as well. I currently don’t have any friends where I live. People come and go. The only ones I keep in contact with are old friends I grew up with back in the day and it’s on an occasional basis. A text here and there since we also live in different areas. I also have online gaming friends but that’s it. I personally don’t mind entertaining myself though. People can be so shady I enjoy not dealing with any drama in my everyday life.
Before you read this I wanna let you know that a lot of people do things by themselves. Most people don’t go to the gym with someone because the gym is a very casual thing. People even go to cafes to just study by themselves. A lot of people don’t hangout with people outside 24/7 so don’t worry about it.
Okay i have been wondering this for years until I figured it out
it all goes down to connections
sometimes it starts with “oh i remember you, you’re from [_____].” or “Yea we went to the same school/college, what year?”
Most of these connections relate to people you’ve already met.
you mainly meet people by other people introducing you to them
But when you don’t know how to get connections you need to start going to events.
This can just be going to the gym for a couple weeks and then noticing someone that’s also been going. So you start a conversation along the lines of “How long have you been going here” “What do you recommend for arms, I noticed you go here a lot”
Try not to be creepy and don’t force approaches, if you walk by them and are genuinely curious, then go ahead
Besides understanding connections, watch videos on body language and how to do small talk
I’d also recommend researching videos on social anxiety and how to slowly build more self esteem
Well making friends was always pretty easy for me (16m) because I’m a decent judge of character.
I changed schools in 8th grade so I walked him with a huge disadvantage. I didn’t know anyways from years prior, and I was new to the county so I’d never even been in the school system before.
What I did in the first few days of school is that I found at keast one single person I didn’t think would mind being friends with me.
Then I asked if they wanted to be friends in a very chill manner and they said yes. After that I just asked their friends the very same question.
I also tried this strategy in different classrooms. Halfway through the school year I already had more friends than that initial person.
I’ll admit that I was closer to some of them than others but it was still good that I had all sorts of friends.
The biggest thing to remember is that even people are scary, people are equally as nice. Merely asking someone to be your friend and telling them that you’re trying to make friends will probably get you more success then most other options.
That’s just how I nade friends. Take from this what you will.
Please go to therapy, there’s never going to be a “right” moment to start & you do not need to be at your lowest point to seek help. Wouldn’t you rather have help before you reach your lowest/loneliest point? You also do not need to disclose to anyone that you’re going to therapy. Some people just go to therapy to rant, others go for deep rooted trauma. Therapy is for everyone. I go to therapy, have lots of friends, & I have a life a lot of people dream for (saying this bc therapy doesn’t mean something bad, but I’m not perfect & life isn’t perfect for me or anyone for that matter. EVERYONE can use extra help whether they believe they do or not 🙂