My (25M) GF (22F) Broke Up After Trip

11 comments

1. Regardless of anything else, if you don’t trust someone, then don’t date them. Are you going to be dating them whilst always having suspicion on the back of your mind? And are you going to hold this against them every time you have an argument?

2. You need to include more detail about what the fight was about. You’re not giving us anything to go on here.

3. If you want to think about getting back together, I would suggest having a conversation about the things that weren’t working before, and how each of you thinks it will go differently a second time around – and WHY. Obviously it wasn’t working for her before, so what has changed since then? And loneliness should not be a reason to get back together.

4. I’m confused. so from what I’m understanding, she wanted to break up because of issues, that you stated, you were responsible for. why would you not trust her, when you’re the one who created the problems that made her want to break up, which is a natural human response?

5. This heavily depends on what these problems were and what you’ve done to solve them.

6. I don’t understand what the issues are and how long it’s been that she wants to get back together. There is a ridiculous amount of context missing here.

7. Not to get into your personal life here but it would help us to give you an opinion on your break up if we understood what the break up was about. If it was small and petty then okay maybe a lack of communication did the worst to you both, if it was huge then we’ll second guesses are reasonable in these situations. Could you give a bit more detail?

8. Tell me if I’m wrong about this: It sounds like the communication you had *after* the breakup is what’s bringing you back together. She was missing this communication before. You didn’t want to break up anyways, so both of you feel like you have the ingredients you need.

   The thing is, the way you act in the high intensity times after a break up is not the same as your pattern within the relationship. So if you do get back together, please understand that your task will be to figure out how to change this pattern. You can’t expect everything to be fixed on its own. If you can afford it, therapy could help? Or go for the Gottmans’ book!

9. Why break up just to get back together? Did she break up to hook up with someone else? Seems a bit fishy to me and I wouldn’t trust her either.

10. In short, you want guarantees where life cannot give you guarantees. I understand the feeling. I know what it feels like to work really hard for something to work out… and then not have it work out. But, you cannot know for sure what will happen with any person. (Even yourself.) All you can do is try to set yourself up with the best chances by observing that person over time.

    I just warn you to be careful about not setting expectations too high for any person or scenario. Otherwise, you will surely be disappointed over and over and over in life.

    This happened just once. It doesn’t yet mean there is a pattern with your girlfriend. If you clearly talk about why this was hurtful in your eyes and explain how you’d like her to do it differently in the future, you then need to allow her the same ability… and should ask her if she has a preferred approach and find a compromise together. And, if you can’t find one together and agree on it, there is likely an incompatability which might result in you breaking up. And, then, once you do find an agreement, you both just need to observe whether the actions of the other person match their words over time. And, when you see consistency and compatability with your values, beliefs, communication, character, etc. over time, that will set you up to be in the best situation.

    Just be careful not to act hastily out of fear of something happening vs. working toward what you do want.

11. The only issue I see here is a lack of communication. Perhaps once you both work on that, things will work out for the best.