I (18f) love my boyfriend (24m) a lot but I struggle when it comes to sex between us. Almost every morning he wakes me up for sex. Most of the time I still feel half asleep and I end up just lying there until he finishes.
Its not that I’m never in the mood, because I am, quite often. But when it comes to my boyfriend, I can’t keep up.
The worst part is, he tries to initiate sex when I’m busy doing something else. For example, I was making coffee the other day, and he came up behind me and started grinding up against me. I ended up having to leave my coffee because he was so persistent.
Any advice on what should do? I’ve told him before that I can’t keep up with it, but he always forgets. How do I tell him I don’t have the energy to have sex multiple times a day?
39 comments
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He should respect your feelings. That’s a maturity thing I think.
He’s using the fact that you are much younger and don’t have strong boundaries to say no. He shouldn’t do it anytime he wants and you shouldn’t say yes every time .
I’ve been the guy in this situation. My libido is crazy. Everyone has needs, and in relationships you need to acknowledge that, talk about it, make compromises or recognize that there is a compatibility problem. Otherwise, over time it could lead to resentment and negative cycles and dynamics in your relationship. Sometimes you have to go down the harder road to get from here to there. He may or may not be intentionally ignoring you, and he may or may not have enough control of his urges to work with you in your relationship. If there’s a disconnect here you need to address it.
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“he always forgets” –remind him until he doesn’t. No, not right now, I’m busy are all legit answers and if he keeps going after that it’s totally ok to be blunt and firm. If you don’t want to have sex do not give in because he’s pestering you, that’s basically teaching him that it’s fine and you’ll give in eventually.
If there are specific things that bother you most, say you don’t want them to happen anymore–that you need to be able to tell him to give you 5 minutes to finish your coffee and he leaves you entirely alone for those 5 minutes, that you don’t want to be woken up for sex earlier than a certain time, whatever it is.
If you want to, you can sit down for another conversation and say you have talked about this before, this is a serious thing for you and you need him to hear you, and then if he pesters call back to that conversation–“we talked about this, you know how I feel and agreed to do X”
Girl, he’s using your body, unless you’re OK with that. I get you want to please him, but he also needs to have some self control.
Like the other people tell you here. Set clear boundraries and keep them.
It’s perfectly possible to have a high sex drive without pushing yourself on your partner every time. He should respect your boundraries; he has hands, if he can’t control himself.
This isn’t appropriate or a healthy sex life. He’s not entitled to your body. Randomly grinding against you and treating you like a fleshlight is disgusting. Set some boundaries with him. It could also be that you just aren’t sexually compatible. You also don’t have to have sex just because he’s in the mood.
Just tell him he is not allowed to wake you up, tell him no when you are busy. You need to have boundaries. He can use his hand when you are not in the mood for sex. And if he ignores your “no” and keeps pestering, break up. He doesn’t respect you.
Get a microwaveable mug.
Damn. I had one that had a very high libido too and sometimes in the morning he would wake me up twice and I’d just deny it doesn’t matter how much he used to sigh. If he wants to have sex with me I need to want to have it too, vice versa. One time we even fucked at 4am randomly we just woke up… That was a good fuck actually. Anyways, point is do it when you feel like it. Don’t let him use you.
You have to set healthy boundaries around the frequency of sex that you’re willing to engage in and he needs to respect them.
He’s not forgetting anything. He just knows you’ll cave when he’s persistent. Drawing the line is up to you.
Just curious, when did you both start dating?
Works?
“I’ve told him before that I can’t keep up with it, but he always forgets. ”
It’s *not* that he “forgets”. He doesn’t care.
You are entitled to have your own “red flags”, boundaries, and “deal breakers”.
It is possible for two people to be sexually incompatible when it comes to libido.
“Most of the time I still feel half asleep and I end up just lying there until he finishes.”
You don’t want to make it habit of having sex when you don’t feel like it.
(Your body belongs to you.)
No one is “stuck” with anyone. Suffering is optional.
Best wishes!
How long have you been dating for?
What if you Gifted him a Fleshlight of your Vagina? I know you can make a mold, Idk him but I know a few girls that have done it.
That way he can still feel you even when you aren’t in the mood.
Tell him to jerk off when he’s pestering you for sex while you’re busy or really isn’t not in the mood, dude sounds like he doesn’t have much self control honestly. This is a bit concerning. Set out your boundaries, tell him to ask before he initiates and if he doesn’t respect that he’s not worth any more of your time.
Ewww. Date someone your own age instead of this creep.
You guys are a mismatch, sorry.
I had sex 4 times a day from age 20 to age 33.
Even now at age 41, I have sex 2 or 3 times every time I see my partner.
I can’t imagine having a gf who only wanted to have sex once a day.
Let me have some time with him. I’ll keep him satisfied
He forgets? No dear, he doesn’t. He simply has no respect for you. I’ve been there, done that. Left for good.
“No” is a complete sentence. You don’t owe anyone sex. If you’re busy or not in the mood, he has to respect that. If he doesn’t, you have bigger issues to worry about.
He doesn’t forget. He doesn’t care.
You should talk to him about this. May he give you this comfort space and respect your feelings.
Not a good partner you have.
He neither respects you or listens to you.
I never say No, I say Stop. I dont think men really hear no at all. They hear try harder. (its a game). Ive never had a male really not listen to me in regards to this. I also think a 24 yo male is more like a 16yr old.
Have you tried using your words and communicating with him.
Jesus Christ. Can’t believe I have to say that
Just tell him how you feel… if he doesn’t change you guys didn’t have the same sex drives, so it’s ok to end it bc of that.
First off, he’s way too old for you. An 18 y/o and a 24 y/o are in entirely different mindsets. I’m 22 and I’m not interested in anyone under 20. And I’m concerned that if y’all are living together then he might’ve been courting you when you were still a minor.
Secondly, No means no, and if he doesn’t respect that you need to bolt before he does something that’ll make you regret staying. He’s not entitled to your body and unless you start putting your foot down and setting healthy boundaries this behavior will not stop.
Use your mouth; NOT on his dick, but for his ears, ie, darn talk to him. You two should be able to have an amazing relationship if you just sync
A lot of judgement from strangers on the internet here as usual. Communication is number one! As far as I or anyone else knows the guy is a great guy, he has a high sex drive. They are just not in sync with each other atm, this can flip flop over time at various stages. You need to communicate and determine if he can dial it back regarding sex with you vs going on his own. If you’re always the one to compromise then maybe a new relationship with someone more compatible is in the future, you’re both very young. Chalk it up to an experience of what you want and don’t want from a relationship.
How do other people with penises do this? I couldn’t even imagine preferring a partner who lays there limp and “let’s it happen” over my own hand or a vibrator.
Unless you’re afraid of him, he should be adult enough to understabd boundaries and consent.
Say no.
If your sex drives are incompatible that’s that. Your allowed to have boundaries and he is allowed to not want to deal with them.
Let’s trade!emote:free_emotes_pack:joy
>How do I tell him I don’t have the energy to have sex multiple times a day?
By letting go so he can be with a woman who’s also into doing it multiple times a day.
This is very disrespectful of him
Depends on your personal preference, you can ether ask him to stop which will likely kill his vibe or you can choose to embrace it .
Il it’s tiring but he’s trying to mate with you and make a strong and everlasting bond.
Your marrying each other in spirit
Try embrace it.
he will go crazy. Make him your primary objective. What doesn’t kill toy makes you stronger.
To gain more energy. Exercise daily, eat fresh fruits and greens. Drink water. Make sure you get plenty of quality sleep.
There is things you can do to be more in control. Get up and blow him before he gets the chance to get to you, if your facing him , suck on his neck while he’s taking you, he will explode.
If you say no , he will feel rejected and it might damage the bond.
If it’s still too much then you actually need to tell him this is an issue for you and set a time later that week to talk about it, if you make it an appointment you will have his focus and attention, you can both discuss it sensibly without argument and eliminate the issue of hurting him. Come to an agreement , please him in other ways other than sex for instance