I’ve (M33) been texting with a woman (F31) for a few days. I know it’s a short time, but I’ve been the one to initiate every conversation (about 5 times now, once a day because it’s still the early stage). She was always super engaged in the conversations until the last one where we texted for half an hour and she said the’ll text me back (quote) “A bit later.” Well, it’s been 4 and a half hours. I know all about “matching the dynamics and energy of the frequency of texting, but I figured it’s still early… Nope, I guess I overdid it. I’m thinking of giving it until tomorrow (it’s past 10 p.m.) and telling her how I can see she isn’t interested, that it was a pleasure and wishing her the best.
To be clear: I know the timeframe of the communication is short, I’m not trying to achieve anything by this, I’m just asking what everyone’s general opinion on giving a small closure as a kind of courtesy is. Do some women, at least sometimes, react to this? Does it, sometimes, reignite interest? I’m just not big on the whole ghosting thing in general.
Or maybe there’s a way to turn this around using one method or the other? Basically – fire away, I want to try something new and was just curious.
29 comments
You’re putting too much brainpower into this whole situation. I think that is what’s pushing her away if anything.
Have you asked her on a date yet? That would be my suggestion. I usually lose interest after 2-3 days if a guy doesn’t suggest meeting in person. 5 days is a bit long. The whole point of online dating is to meet the people you match with, not text with them ad nauseum. She’s probably been sitting there wondering, “when is this guy going to freaking ask me out already?”. The assumption if you don’t ask right away is that you’re seeing other women you’re more interested in and have her on the back burner. Texting for 5 days with no date invite is what you do when you’ve got someone on your back burner.
>Does it, sometimes, reignite interest?
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never ever.
No need to text “I see you are not interested “. It comes across as passive aggressive and even if she was on the fence, it’s likely to drive her the opposite direction.
Best to just leave things as is. She said she will text you later, and if she doesn’t, well you have your answer either way.
I would say leave it alone and see if she texts you. When I like guy I may not text me right away but eventually I will , especially if he’s initiated most of the convos
I’ve had this exact message sent to me many times before and as an LPN with a busy schedule, I can tell you for certain that most women don’t see this kind of message in a good light. While I love dating, getting to know people, etc. I do think that effort in dating is a two way street and if this person doesn’t reply to you quickly enough, you’re entitled to feel that the spark has gone if that’s what you believe her behavior translates to. However, I’m an adult with a busy schedule and important responsibilities and I’m thinking she probably is too, so I personally need some grace and this can come off a little manipulative even if you’re not meaning it in that way, which I’m going to assume you don’t. Not responding quickly doesn’t always mean disinterest, take that from me 🙂
If you want my gentle critique since I hope this works out for you: I really think you should rethink this message and try to think of something that’s a little more friendly to say. If she’s interested, she’ll reply, if she’s not, then you really can’t control that. Good luck I hope this helps.
Personally i would find it reminiscent of a tantrum and find it off putting. You dont need to say anything, if you think they’re not interested anymore move on. If you want to reignite something ask her out.
That’s self sabotage. You will reduce your odds of a reply significantly. I can sometimes be this way, constantly checking if someone has read my message or replied or if they’re online. This is called insecurity, and every time I’ve shown it to a potential date, I get ghosted. You need to learn that the anxiety you get waiting for a reply (Which is what I assume you’re going through) is not reasonable. It isn’t reasonable to expect replies from every person within a few hours.
I’ve learned to not show my insecurity when someone doesn’t seem interested or engaging enough, and just let it be for a while. Now I wait a week or two later asking if they’re still interested, and it really pays off sometimes. You can assume she is uninterested, but never tell her, because if she was actually interested, you have just killed ANY chance you had.
Jesus Christ get a grip. You’re not owed anything
You haven’t even met!
If I was that girl, you’d be suffocating me to death by texting like that. Even worse is your entitlement to instantaneous replies. Find someone lonelier and clingier than her. She might be plenty interested and just not staring at her phone hoping you will text. I mean some girls work, eat, poop, shower, scroll, call mom, have brunch with friends, watch movies, shop, cook, clean, walk their dog, do laundry, have a hobby…
Leave it alone, don’t be passive aggressive
Reading your comments you sound insecure and a bit desperate my friend. Women tend to be able to smell that a mile away and it is a **turn off**.
You have to dial it down and learn some discipline. Don’t be ready to fall in love with the first girl that shows you interest. Take things slow and build up and actual friendship then relationship.
The best thing to do is to just wait for her to message you first. If she’s interested, you’ll know otherwise it’s a mutual ghosting so you would then just forget about her.
If you have an anxious attachment style, this can be literally torture.
You need to chill out man, you’ve been texting for a few days. She’s still a total stranger, days between texts can be normal when you haven’t even met.
Wait for her to reply, simple as that.
Yikes.
There’s nothing wrong with not replying in 4 hours … not everyone is glued to their phone all day and not everyone wants to text in general, maybe she’d rather just meet up without instead of spending her time texting
so needy and demanding
That doesn’t come off inviting in any way. If I got that message I’d probably immediately block, even if I had been interested in friendship or more before. It comes off super aggressive, like you were testing her and she failed. But also, I mean, I guess if you require a specific turnaround time for texts, make that clear upfront. Personally I wouldn’t consider talking to someone who required a response within 2 hours or something like that.
I think it would be pretty within the realm of normal to say, “hey I’ll be back later” and maybe end up texting the next morning.
I’m around your age, and sometimes I get distracted with my kids or just get super tired and go to bed early, and I probably won’t have the mental energy to check in on someone I’ve been chatting with for a few days.
If she was engaged before, and said she will text you, give her a break. Maybe she got bad news, or had a shit day, or isn’t feeling well. People are entitled to have lives that don’t revolve around a phone 24/7. I work nights, and I can’t tell you how many times guys got aggressively nasty with me because I didn’t answer in their timeframe when I was literally sleeping or working. You have no idea what’s up. Don’t assume.
I mean if you haven’t met her yet, I wouldn’t even bother texting her back. Just let it be.
It’s also only been almost 5 hours. People have lives and they get busy
I’ve had this message a couple times and 90% of the time I was just on the fence and this kind of message made me sour on them instantly. It never reads well and reeks of immaturity and passive aggression. Leave it alone, she’s not your soulmate you’ve only been speaking a few days, if she doesn’t text back it’s not a major loss.
Not only does that never reignite interest, it often extinguishes any that remains. I’ve gotten that message several times, and in most of those cases I was just busy, not disinterested. But I sure was disinterested after getting it. It comes across as really needy and desperate. Especially after only 4 hours of not receiving a text, when you already had 5 conversations in a few days. You need to chill out lol
wait what? it’s only been 4.5 hours and you want to end things?
regarding your questions no it does not ignite interest and no it doesn’t reignite it either.
just let her get back to you. sounds like you haven’t even met face to face and this is a little odd.
if someone texted me “i guess you’re not interested” after 4 hours of not replying before we even met i would assume they are insane and block them
Leave it alooooone. You’re either going to be ignored or given a BS answer. Or, you may irritate a person who legit had to drop off to deal with life. Saying something is not really a move that gets you anything.
>Does it, sometimes, reignite interest
No. Comes off as attitude. Some think its not ghosting until after meeting which I agree with & even then, 4 hrs or 24 isnt ghosting. For me, min of 3 days. Could just ask her out.
Ooh don’t text that. If anything that might give her the ick? As a woman who’s low maintenance, if a guy needed to talk every single day and kept count of how much time passed since my last text, I’d be headed for the hills. Since you’ve only been texting for a few days I’d maybe tone it down a bit, you shouldn’t expect access to a person at all times.
If you’d much rather prefer a girl that texts you back instantly and likes to text constantly then you may need to go back to the drawing board and find a girl that’s okay being in constant communication 🙂
If you want to scream, “I’m a Loser and I’m Needy” then send that message. What you should be doing is establishing rapport then asking her out. People aren’t going to text with you endlessly because it gets boring. You text to step up dates. Texting isn’t a relationship. Since you’ve already texted with her a while, your next text should be to ask her out. Then you’ll have your answer. But you may have already blown it by not asking her out sooner. Have nothing to lose at this point.
You should be texting multiple people and not have your eggs in the same basket.
My dude, it’s been less than a day and you’re already calling it quits and assuming she’s not interested?? I can tell you, I can be suuuper interested in someone and if work gets crAzy, I will tell the guy “hey work just got hectic and I cant reply right away but I’ll get back to you as soon as I get a breather” and tbh, sometimes that’s not until Im home already in bed in my pjs because I really want to keep the conv going and Im interested and know that any conv I will get in before that will have to be cut short or interrupted. Sometimes lunch will be just me having time for myself before going back to the rush. This might be something she’s doing, but dont just assume right away. A lot of times our assumptions are way off from whats really going on. If a day passes and she still hasnt written back try again a quick hello and if she doesnt seem responsive, then that’s all you need to know! G’luck.