Hi. I’m 23F and I have the worst social skills ever. I do not know what to talk about at any given point. I don’t know what to start a conversation with when interacting with my workmates, parents, friends. They are always just the first ones to start a conversation and when they ask for my opinion I answer with one liners. This ends the conversation right there and I am deemed as a boring person. Any helpful advice on how to improve my social skills will be appreciated. Thanks in advance
2 comments
Hi! Some points I personally use that might help you:
1) Compliment! Complimenting is a nice starting point. Just look and you’ll probably find something about the person you see nice/cool/etc.
2) Ask questions! Just show curiosity and you’ll be surprised how people like to talk about things! Questions also work great for starting a convo.
3) Write things down! I do this: something interesting comes to my mind, but when in conversation, I totally forget! So I simply write it down to not keep in mind.
4) Have opinions! I know it sounds cheesey, but put some thoughts on the topics that interest you, read books, gather information, so you can have opinions of your own.
Hey yeah I’ve had this struggle before. I heard from someone that people won’t remember what you say as much as how you made them feel. Basically even if you’re talking about something boring like the weather, if you make the other person feel comfortable and if the conversation flows easily, chances are the other person will like you.
But in a conversation there are definitely some things that will keep it moving easily:
– ask questions
People generally like talking. Ask a question, get an answer, ask a follow up question. It shows you’re listening and that you actually care about what they’re saying. You can ask about anything. eg, how was your day, how have you been, etc. It doesn’t have to be that either, just an observation. eg The weathers looking awful today. Most often the other person will just say yeah, then you can ask them something.
– contribute
If someone asks you a question, answer thoroughly, give them somewhere to go next. Or answer and ask them something. Most people really dislike one word answers or one liners, as like you said the conversation just ends there.
Also, don’t be afraid to contribute unprompted. Even if no one asked, if there’s a joke or personal experience you want to share, maybe that the other person would relate to, say it. It gives the other person room to react, ask more, or give their own experience. It also makes them feel more comfortable to speak freely.
– humor
This can definitely be tricky for some people, but it is something you can get better at. Imo try watching some stand-up, it’s the kind of comedy you can actually use without a laugh track to back you up like a sitcom. My favorites are Ricky gervais, Gabriel iglesias, Dave chapel, and jimmy carr. If you have time give them a watch. Obviously don’t rip the jokes straight from them, but I think they give an idea of good comedy.
Lastly and I know it’s cliche but loosen up a bit and don’t be afraid of judgement. “Be yourself” is worn out but in the end people like honesty, your friends will always prefer you to a wall that you put up around yourself. Not everyone will like you, but the ones that do will like YOU, not a safe version of you. Don’t be afraid to talk about what you actually like, your actual opinions, and what you’re really feeling. Being open makes it easier for others to open up too.