Been struggling a lot with my loneliness over the past few weeks.
28m.
Since breaking up 10 months ago with my gf I been feeling increasingly lonely and nihilistic. Was at a wedding today and fuck me everyone was attached. Feel really hopeless, feels like if you failed to catch it before your late twenties your kinda fucked in terms of good options…dating apps I’ve tried but not really feeling the spark are well with anyone so far
29 comments
Dating apps aren’t anything but grifts anyway.
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I think the detrimental factor in your line of thinking is to conflate “lonliness” with “having no partner”. Though it is not the most popular thing to say, I have noticed that women tend to stick around guys longer who aren’t anxious, because they don’t want to panic together (if the are anxious in a situation) but someone to be strong when they have a weak moment. That stability includes a social backdrop, in other words, solid social skills to navigate social situations and a circle of friends in which you are respected and valued.
These days before finding a woman to be with it seems a lot of guys need to find a group of friends to hang out with.
*”How do you remain hopeful as a single man in your late twenties?”*
By realizing that you’re in your late 20s and not your
Late 30s
Late 40s
Late 50s
Late 60s
Late 70s
You are young and have youth on your side. You’re all in your head and emotions now but you need to realize that you have many years ahead of you and many options that you can take.
Any obstacles that you have now you have the time yo overcome.
*”Since breaking up 10 months ago with my gf I been feeling increasingly lonely and nihilistic.”*
Having friends and family and participating in activities with them will help.
“But I don’t have any friends.”
Well, now is the time to make some.
Participate in group activities/events in your area. If you don’t feel like doing it. DO IT ANYWAY! Your life isn’t going to change unless you make a sincere effort to make the change.
Don’t worry about dating or being in a relationship right now. Based off of your post your not in the right headspace for a relationship. If you got into one now you’d sabotage it.
Also don’t figure that that dating someone will cure your loneliness. You don’t also want to put all of the pressure of keeping you happy and not lonely on the other person’s shoulders do you OP?
EDIT
*”Feel really hopeless, feels like if you failed to catch it before your late twenties your kinda fucked in terms of good options…dating apps”*
Dating apps are crap. Especially crap for men. They mess with the mental health of guys. You’re not in a place to try dating now so you CERTAINLY SHOULDN’T be on dating apps(they mostly profit from the loneliness and desperation of men).
Delete them and also consider seeing a good therapist.
Good Luck!
I don’t. I’ve completely given up even trying. It’s futile.
I just focus on doing things I enjoy before the climate renders this planet inhospitable and we all melt.
I’m a bit confused about the focus of your question. If it’s just about finding someone, I had given up on the idea of relationships, dating and all that stuff by then.
If you mean being hopeful in general, the height of the COVID pandemic took place in my late 20s so it was more challenging to be hopeful. I don’t need to recount how the world reacted to that, we all know. I narrowed my focus to what I had direct control over – my social circle, my work, hobbies, etc. I received positive reinforcement after focusing my energy toward those things and that was how I became more optimistic in that time.
I kinda stop caring about it. I’ve never been in a relationship because the type of woman I want is impossible to find and no one can tell me where to look for her (it will not be in a bar or club or gym). I’ve accepted being alone for all of my life.
There are waves of people grouping and divorcing, don’t worry about it, in your 30s you’ll look around and be “everyone is on their 2nd relationship” or “everyone is a single mom”.
The main thing to do at your age is to make goals as to what you want. Stay focused. Break those goals down into smaller achievable steps, then start making progress on those steps.
Example:
Want a wife, 5 years:
-Improve self
–Work out.
–Training/learning new skills
-Get long term relationship
—Meet quality women.
–Learning better relationship skills
—-reading books about healthy relationships.
What kind of shape are you in? What sort of career do you have? It takes men a decade or more to establish himself which is why men start to really see their options by 35.
The truth is that life’s uncertain with lots of pain and some fun times. Trying is pain and pain is opportunity to learn, but it’s no fun and we all need to take a break from time to time. See this period as your break from trying. Don’t fall on tricks to make yourself feel bad so you have a reason to not try. Take a break and when you’re ready, get back out there.
> Was at a wedding today and fuck me everyone was attached
Most people have dogshit relationships. Plenty of people have toxic relationships. You’ll see couples and imagine all of them to be happy and perfectly in love but that’s not the case. Think about how many of your friends have fucked up exes, or your own exes possibly. Loads of people are with partners they don’t even like (think of the “hate my wife” trope, or women begging their boyfriends to just be nice to them). Plenty of people talk about “the ick” because they don’t actually like the people they’re dating, or have really specific aesthetic or lifestyle requirements because they don’t value the actual person their partner is.
You can feel lonely when in a relationship.
Furthermore, if you don’t feel independently complete and content, and your contentedness depends on a romantic partner that’s going to lead to issues eventually.
Even if dating apps dont work, you could probably find a new girl in a couple of weeks just going outside everyday, talking to anyone, accepting the first girl that flirts back in a bar or something. Most people are _attractive enough_ to _somebody_ but that’s not really something that’s going to help.
Weddings do suck for this feeling though.
29 here. I’ve pretty much given up on dating apps; I’ve gotten one date and a handful of matches since moving cities two years ago. I’ve reached an age now where meeting people feels… impossible.
At this point I just focused on advancing in my career, photography, and my other hobbies/interests.
Getting the P daily.
Know that your best days are still in front of you. Work on your skills and yourself and ladies will
Find you.
I wish i had the energy and strength of my 20s with the knowledge i have now.
Why would you not be hopeful as a single man in your late twenties?
I met my partner in my early thirties.
You’re fine bud.
This is the occasion to expérience New things, to discover yourself under another light. Man you can meet at every age. If you fucked up in this relationship why wouldnt it happen a to a woman as well ?
You have time. Its the summer have fun do something you couldnt do when you were in a relationship.
You know those people are maybe not in a great relationship either. But you can avoid that.
Its not about being alone or with someone its about happiness. Less obstacles, now change your mind and it can be the best thing to happen to you.
Seriously you can meet people. The average is 27 to find the person you’ll build à home with. You are not that late.
Dating isn’t everything. Just keep going out and eventually you’ll find somebody naturally. If you don’t, searching for somebody is foolish.
Having a purpose in life and actively pursuing it. In the 20s phase of life, a man has tremendous energy that is often related with “youthfulness”. There is a lot more energy in your demeanour.
Unfortunately, the modern world has made it extremely challenging for men to be themselves because of very strong external influences. Technology is a double-edged sword. Social media, superficial dating apps, pornography and video games are all addictive risks that can hijack our brain circuitry, rendering us inefficient in real world.
Attractive is the man who is grounded to reality, focused on his life purpose and takes good care of himself. These are the men women respect, admire and fall for.
My humble suggestion is to fall in love with your life purpose, then bring discipline in your lifestyle so you can start taking steps towards it. I guarantee you that not only women will like you but, it will be you that will find it hard to give too much attention.
Those couples you saw at the wedding, I guarantee half of them half issues behind closed doors.
“There’s nothing lonelier than being with the wrong person.”
Focus on you. You got plenty of time. Enjoy single life.
It is better to be alone in a shack than to be in a mansion married to a quarrelsome woman
You were broken up with not too long ago, presumably with someone you cared for deeply, and so at an *event* where *people typically bring their partners*, you perhaps noticed more than usual that people are in relationships.
It’s confirmation bias. Go to another event, or a bar, or a hiking group, or a local shop, and if you consciously look for it, you’ll find many people who are not with anyone.
28 is still relatively young in the grand scheme of things, and as others have rightly mentioned, people are dipping in and out of the dating market all the time. At your age, you’ll find a variety of people who are single for different reasons – to focus on themselves, just out of a relationship or marriage etc.
I can certainly relate to the feeling, but ultimately if you allow the negativity to effect you it’s going to put you in a worse position to meet someone.
You’re gonna have a lonely life. Get used to it and start drinking
Please find a male therapist you can work with. I also suggest reading Dr Robert Glover’s book “No More Mr Nice Guy”, also Alan Currie’s book “Mode One”.
Dating apps are a waste of time for 90% of the men. Women on dating apps go after the top 5% men who don’t need to commit.
By realizing that it’s only been 10 months and you HAVE HAD a girlfriend, so obviously you can attract and maintain a woman. Seriously, 10 months is an incredibly small amount of time. Some people are single for 10 years or more and you wanna complain about a mere 10 months after just having had a relationship? You need a reality check.
I did body building for about 5 years and studied day game for 2 (basically learning to start conversations and flirt anywhere)
If you do this a doubt you’ll stay single as I didn’t even want a gf but someone it just happened
I started all this around age 30 so if you put in the work you’ll be fine
Who gives a fuck about women. Become so good they can’t ignore you.
I’m 35, don’t have much charisma, mildly handsome, body isn’t great… I’d rank myself as comfortably average. That said, I have no issue finding women who are interested. Be that an actual relationship or just hooking up. Unless you’re a dick or creepy, the bar is set pretty low nowadays. You’ll be fine.