I have known my best friend since we were 10 and for the last year I haven’t really heard from him. We live in different towns so it’s not easy to just go over to his house if somethings up. He messaged last week apologising and saying he got into a relationship and then his gf ended up controlling who he spoke to and who he saw etc.
He said he broke up with her 2 months ago and has been sorting his head out since then. He mentioned he is back using dating apps, not for anything serious but just to see what was out there. We made plans to go on a night out next weekend.
He mentioned he’d try to talk to women when we go out and said I could be his wingman. I’ve been in a relationship for 3 years and would never cheat on my partner but told my friend if he was talking to someone and wanted me to talk to her friend for example then I would but I’d make sure to let them know I’m in a relationship and am only interested in chatting.
I told my gf that we planned to go out andshe was asking questions about the ngiht out and I mentioned to her that he was looking to talk to women when we were out. She asked me if I would be talking to them. I said no but if he ends up talking to someone who is in a group then I will talk to be polite but make it clear i’m not single and am not interested.
She said I was out of order for considering it and that I shouldn’t be approaching groups of women on a night out. I pointed out I wouldn’t be approaching them and would be making it clear to people that I am not single but she still said it is wrong and that I’m being disrespectful by even considering it. How would you handle this?
tl;dr my best friend has just come out of a bad relationship andwe’ve planned a night out. He’s said he’s planing to talk to women when we’re out and has asked if I’d be a wingman which I agreed to. My gf said I am out of order for considering it and that I’m being disrespectful. How would you handle this?
6 comments
Would you be okay if she was talking to a bunch of guys so her friend could?
A potential solution here is that she goes with you both, and you’re both his wingmen
This sounds a bit controlling.
Like, if he was going to set up a double date and ask you to join, then no, obviously that’s out of line.
But if he wants somebody to hang out with him in a public place while he tries to strike up conversations with strangers, then what’s wrong with that? Youre not the one who is going to try picking anyone up.
Are you just not allowed to talk to strangers? Not allowed to talk to strangers if they are women? Not allowed to talk to strangers if they are women and if their friends are women and if your friend is talking to their friend? It gets so silly so fast.
That said, she gets to decide whether she is comfortable with it. And then you get to decide whether you are going to stand your ground and do it anyway.
Yeah, this is crossing a line for me. I would not accept a partner doing this.
Tell her that if you really can’t trust me then come along and see for yourself. I think that will ease her fears.
You’re not being disrespectful, that sounds a pretty normal part of going out and socializing. You mix groups, chat, meet new people. It’s only disrespectful if you flirt with them or dance with them imo. I’ve gone out with my friends in relationships all the time both with and without their partner and it would be weird if they just stonewalled everyone else.