How often has opening up to your gf or partner actually ended badly?

47 comments

1. It’s never ended badly for me.

2. Everytime

3. Never, I’m in a relationship with a good mature person

4. With my current partner, only once due to some miscommunication that occured during a discussion, which was quickly cleared up. But ive had some exs who it was.. less well recieved. Many women ive dated in the past have recieved it with hostility or straight up told me they couldnt see me as a man anymore.

5. Well, I think in the end with my ex when I was opening up with her to work things out, it just ended badly. She just wasn’t as open so there’s that.

6. it never ended well.

7. Every single time.

8. Every time.

9. Not every time, but it’s never been good.

10. Until I met my current missus, the rate was 100%

11. Every time.

12. Anyone willing to say what they opened up about?

13. With my wife the worst I have to worry about is making her feel bad about something that isn’t going to change or maybe being babied a bit which is, honestly, a good problem to have.

    In the past, not so much. Generally in the moment it was either dismissed entirely, made into something about her that I then had to fix or make up for or was brought up as a jab the next time she got annoyed with something and decided to just start lashing out in an argument.

    … Also the general record on actually keeping things I would consider private actually private is awful. I have never known a woman, as a friend or a partner, who didn’t share things with their friends that I would never share with anyone about them.

14. Think of opening up like talking to the cops: anything you say **can and** ***will*** be used ***against*** you.

    It’s typically the same pattern: deal with something but brush it off because “it be like that sometimes”. Have a bad day where it becomes noticeable, get asked about it constantly even after the fact but keep brushing it off.

    Finally feel comfortable to share, get comforted after sharing. Feels good. They encourage you to open up more and they do the same. You bond. Enter the pity olympics. Now you can’t have bad days because their days are “*so much worse”.*

    If you have a bad day, they don’t comfort, they attack and belittle. You start brushing it off again to prevent attacks, then they attack for not sharing. **Catch-22.** But if *they* have a bad day, they use what you told them to attack your weakest points and make your day bad because misery loves company. At the same time, they want you to comfort them as they attack you.

15. Well, she won’t take me back, so you tell me.

    It’s a lot more complicated than that. If I had been open from the beginning, everything would have been fine. I hid how bad my mental health really was for a long time. When it finally became too much and I broke down, our relationship collapsed.

16. Every.Single.Time.

17. In my 7.5 year relationship, badly. I was blamed and shamed.

    The 2 month date I had, brilliantly. Safe, curious and non judgemental.

18. Never. If I am dating someone and I open up, either it goes well, or I leave them for someone who is more suited to being human.

19. Every time. It appears that even though I get pestered to be more open, it feels more like a trap to accuse me of something or other and to start an argument that I never wanted to happen or even expected to happen. To add to that the more I get pestered, the more I get frustrated and annoyed and the result is then a poorly thought out response.

    Sometimes I feel like they are frustrated with something in their own life they have no control over so they create a situation to release their frustration in a way they do have more control over.

20. You can see this as a type of video on Tiktok.

    Where as women constantly ask for men to open up to them, but the moment they do, women stop being attracted to them.

    Women are emotionally oriented gender, therefore emotion and feelings will always be a higher priority. So they naturally desire to get more emotions.

    But rarely very rarely do women respect emotional men, it usually ends badly for both.

    Even if they do still respect their man who opens up to them, very often what gets shared gets used right against the man in the next argument.

    So this creates a behavior defense mechanism where men simply do not trust that a women will still be attracted and desired of their man if they share or be more open.

    Not saying this is 100% true, if there is any real truth in this, as I have not experienced this myself.

    Then either women have to stop asking men to open up, since it cleary massively damaged the actual relationship they’re in.

    Or women need to learn to create the safe space, where what a man shares isn’t used against them.

    This takes trust and respect.

    How rare that is in modern days I have no idea.

21. Theres the one ex that weaponised my trauma and theres the understanding wife that worked me through it.

22. It ended badly with one gf so I dumped her.

    I get married soon to a girl I met a year after. She knows everything about me.

23. Often enough. It’s a shame too because, what it comes down to is trust and vulnerability. You trust this person enough to open up your “self.” Trust is one of the best parts of a relationship when a relationship is good. When trust is damaged, that is what makes good relationships rough and bad relationships worse.

    Now when I’m in a relationship or even starting one, I’m much more cautious about not just what I say it how I say it. For “how” it’s specifically if I feel myself getting emotional and also, even if less emotional I try to keep my responses measured. If I get asked a question that may be difficult for me to talk about, I tell her “I’m not trying to avoid the question, I’m not comfortable talking about that right now.” I’ll also ask why she wants to know, which I guess is a shit test of its own. I also try to ask the same question back in a reworded way. There are times when a woman is asking because she wants to open up too.

    You have to find ways to be open enough, even without her asking questions. It’s a give and take. Depending on the questions and where you are in the relationship, she is either asking out of natural curiosity or you’re holding back too much.

    I think I made the mistake of opening up too much not too long ago, it was the early morning after a really good dinner date together. We had both been drinking and to be honest, I don’t remember the question but I opened up more than I would have wanted to. So be careful about opening up when you’re drunk or buzzed.

    If she ever uses what you tell her against you, if she’s worth it to you, rules of what’s acceptable have to be re-established or new ones put down. If it keeps up, move on. Otherwise walk away.

24. Every time.

25. No matter how times I open up she just doesn’t listen or do what I’m asking of her.

26. Always.

27. Every time. In fact, most times it simply adds another problem.

28. My last girlfriend, who I was with for 3.5yrs, told me repeatedly that I was too emotional- which was the culmination of me expressing how much I disliked how she would treat me sometimes. So stupidly, I became an emotionless husk of a person and guess what? She didn’t like that either.

    I couldn’t open up about anything. I felt like I was walking on eggshells… landmines. I felt like I was walking on landmines.

29. From what I’m getting from the comments, it’s more productive to express how you feel to AI.

30. This is one of those things that makes you realise you’re with the wrong, or right person.

    I am single.

31. Is this the most commonly asked question on this sub?

32. Be ready to have it thrown back at you.

33. Three out of four.

34. With partners where we had healthy relationships, never.

    Other times it’s a coin flip

35. I am 0 – 3. Three very different woman, three different stages of my life.

36. Every single time except with one woman, who ended up being the only woman I’ve fallen in love with

37. My ex. I told him about my not so perfect family, drinking problems of my father…and that guy some other day randomly joked out of it, said does he drink like drunkards on the street are…. I snapped at him and then asks me did you feel bad, the audacity!!!! Since then I’ve stopped opening up to people.

38. I got accused of “trauma dumping” after 3 months of dating. She suggested a movie about people dealing with cancer, 50/50. I mentioned I don’t like shows or movies with cancer in it because my mom passed away from cancer 3 years ago. We picked a different movie, and I thought that was the end of that.

    After the movie, she angrily brought that comment up and said that I shouldn’t tell people I’m dating about my mom, and it ruined the night. She “wasn’t my therapist” were her exact words, and I should pay her if I wanted to trauma dump.

    Needless to say, that was the last date with that nut job. I wouldn’t say it happens often, OP, but when it does, it’s pretty jarring.

39. 2 for 2 so far. 22 years in and still not sure why I’m here

40. Every time

41. Zero times.

    Give yourself to people who give themselves to you.

42. Always, I just stopped opening up or talking about emotions.

43. How often is every variation of this question is asked in this sub?

44. Never

45. Every. Single. Time. Married 20 years. It then becomes about her reaction to my feelings and then .ay or may not be brought up again next time she’s having a rage.

46. I asked my ex once if she is ashamed of me because of my poor and homeless background. She said yes. That’s when I learnt to stop opening up to her.

47. It hurts me to read y’all’s responses to this. I cannot imagine reacting this way to anyone opening up and baring their soul to me. I live for that shit.

    Do these “partners” not realize what a gift the trust of vulnerability is?

    Guys, I’m so sorry. Please understand that there are supportive people out here who would love to love on you.