I haven’t made my husband orgasm. Ever. What am I doing wrong?

25 comments

1. A pseudo-science:ey suggestion,

   Some guys have a quite…fierce masturbation technique, that no woman’s bits and pieces can ever match properly.

   As I said, pseudo-science, but worth exploring as an explanation. It’s often called *death grip*.

   If that is what it is, the solution is two-fold:

   – tell him that self-love is out of the question for a period of time, as an experiment.

   – Give him ALL the effort you can and all the effort you want. But no more.

   If he feels that he is getting somewhere…but it always stops before he goes over the end, it’s possible to over time *”reprogram”* him into lasting more reasonably.

   You can also get at it with a sincere willingness to experiment and find out what it takes. But it would probably take quite a lot of effort and switching between puss’ mouth and hands back-n-forth, so that you don’t overdo it and get nasty chafing just because you’ve committed to the end result.

   A milder variant could be to give him five minutes of in-and-out every hour (set a timer) throughout the day. And either see if something interesting happens come evening, or if the interesting stuff happens in the evening on day five.

   It’s kind of a problem that you don’t know what it takes. You can’t really decide on if the effort is ever going to be worth it, since you don’t *know*. At this point it *feels* impossible, and that feeling is made worse since you don’t know for sure if it takes three bloody hours beyond your capacity or if you are usually stopping three minutes before and would perhaps be able to push through a bit now and then for the sake of a special occasion.

   Sorry, I’m mostly rambling.

2. Have him stop masturbating.

3. has he gotten bloodwork done? men with high estrogen or prolactin level have a hard time ejaculating. check out. r/trt and read into it a little.

4. It’s either a physical or mental block for him

   He needs to see a therapist and start addressing it on that end

   Has he stopped all masturbation before? For how long?

   Are you talking through everything with him too?

5. He may have delayed ejaculation.

6. Hi there. So, I’ll share this: I used to be a bouncer, and took a heavy kick to my boys from a steel toe boot. It’s left me… desensitized down there. I CANNOT finish just from sex. At all. Has your husband suffered groin trauma?

   Side note: Masturbating too much can also make things more difficult to “pop off.”

7. You tried very hard to make him cum but with no result. Redditors give many good suggestions but it may be time to see a qualified sex therapist.

8. I dated a few men who had the same problem, and it turned out that they were so used to “helping” themselves that only they could do it. One of them was a more serious partner and so together we started slowly. First he had to reduce how often he was masturbating. Second we started with hand job. I asked him to teach me to do exactly what he does to himself. With practice & communication we had successfully achieved an orgasm. We slowly progresses to full intercourse but to finish at the beginning he still needed a hand. But eventually with him “helping” himself slowing down, and we were having sex more, eventually we were able to successfully achieve the big O via sex. It was a few months of work. But it was worth it

9. Try up his butt …. not kidding

10. All the questions you’re asking us, you gotta ask him. He knows, we don’t.

11. Pls consider visiting a sex therapist, this sub loves blaming the man in every situation.

12. For the first couple of years of being sexually active, I could not cum. It was 100 % a mental block for me. I still have have a mental block when it comes to blowjobs.

    It was never because any of my partners were bad in bed or not willing to engage in my fantasies.
    It was completely a “me” problem. For some deep seeded reasons I could not allow myself to orgasm. Kind of like a reverse erectile dysfunction.

    Anyways, what broke the curse for me, was something that I can’t really recommend as it was super irresponsible.

    I was in bed with my then girlfriend, who was not on birth control. We were both extremely horny, but out of condoms. After a while the hormones got the best of us and we ended up having sex.

    That fact that I was suddenly not allowed to cum, removed all the pressure of me trying to cum. I was able to orgasm and pulled out at the very last minute.

    Like I already mentioned, this is super irresponsible and not really a viable solution.

    There might still be something to learn from my experience. Perhaps you can create a scenario, where he is not allowed to orgasm. Like som kind of role playing game or something. Maybe you just do it on a surface that can’t easily be cleaned if seamen were to get on it.
    You could also lie to him and pretend to be off birth control, with the argument that he never ejaculates anyways.

13. Hi Barbie!

14. If it makes you feel any better, I haven’t ever made him orgasm either.

15. Does he drink before you have sex??? Because I know after a few beers I can last for hours and take longer at foreplay like starting in the kitchen when you’re or him are washing up sneak up from behind and put your hands down his pants and start from there,,, good luck x

16. I cant either. I’m a 47F and I was single for 12yrs and got used to a toy so now I’m screwed!!! Gotta take a break I suppose. Good luck!!

17. According to my ex husband, I was the only woman to have ever made him cum. He said that it partially had to do with a traumatic childhood experience, and that I was the first person to ever make him feel truly loved and accepted. Especially in the bedroom.

    Obviously I have no idea if this is relevant to you or not, but since I know the comment section is gonna be full of “he masturbates too much” comments, I figured I’d share something different.

18. I have a mental block issue similar to this. I can rarely orgasm with someone else present. For me it’s not the death grip syndrom (too much and too hard masturbation). I’m uncut and very sensitive. Sometimes especially during blowjobs one added issue is that I’m too sensitive.

    You’ll have to think for yourself if any of this can fit for your husband. I’m not saying you have to be uncut for the situation to be similar to mine, just that it’s more of a mental issue than a physical one.

    My biggest problem for reaching orgasm with someone else present is that I can’t reach the state of mind required to reach the “top” required for climax. It feels very good and I can typically almost make it, but the pleasure curve flattens and starts dropping without getting all the way there.

    The few times I’ve had orgasmed with someone else in recent years have been either from something that turned me on more than usual (happened once) or from me getting comfortable enough with someone and I can just lay back and masturbate while making out and being gently touched by the other person. I’m usually very conscious of the other person, how they’re feeling and how we’re interacting. I have to let that go and be able to focus only on my own sensations in order to orgasm.

    If his issue is related to mine, then I can suggest starting out by trying to see if it’s possible for him to masturbate and orgasm with you being present somehow, with or without you touching him. You might want to reassure him that it’s ok for him to enter the usual state of mind he goes to when masturbating and think about and do whatever gets him off when he does it on his own. If you’re able to make that work, then maybe you can build from there.

19. Someone mentioned groin trauma. A possibility, but that would seem like something he would willingly open up about. I’m wondering more if he’s had sexual trauma, and maybe cumming is very mental for him related to this? It would also explain why he is not really open to discussing this. How often does he watch porn. See if you can figure out what he watches. Maybe only certain odd kinks can get him off now.

20. I’m the guy having a similar problem. I’ll spare you the details for now, but if he’s anything like me, it’s definitely *NOT YOU* that’s the reason.

    What’s important is that the love is strong, and the intimacy is good. If those are all set, then enjoy what you can, help however you can, and give him space to work things out or get medical assistance as needed.

21. Lots of helpful advice here and ultimately it’s for your husband to take responsibility for solving…if he wants to. If he doesn’t, there isn’t much you can do.

    I’m wondering about the psychological aspect and whether you have kids? Could there be a (deep rooted) fear of impregnating you? This stuff would be for therapy though and again, not your responsibility to solve.

22. He is Kenough

23. Is he on any kind of medicine? Like anti depressants or opiates? Medicine can for sure make it difficult to orgasm.

24. Antidepressants have done this to me in the past. Could not cum, like at all during intercourses. And it took me a while while masturbating.

    Is he on any medications (that you know of)?

25. Try to finger his ass. That may help