My bf (26M) and I (23F) have dated for a year and half.
Lately it’s been rocking because my feeling faded a way mainly due to the guilt I feel for him and other factors.
I can’t imagine our future together because we have disagreement on children. I don’t want one but he does.
I thought about breaking up and then reconnect in the future if I change my mind about having children. If we both happen to be single in the future.
But he doesn’t like the sound of that. He doesn’t see the point of us dating other people and then find coincidence time in the future.
He tried to have middle ground by saying I don’t have to give birth and we can do surrogate. But I don’t want the responsibilities of taking care of a child.
I don’t want waste years of our relationship just for us not to have clear agreement on this issue.
I want to be just two of us. Maybe some pets in the future. If he chose me over having children, I still don’t think that’s enough. He doesn’t talk too much and I think I’ll be too lonely with just two of us.
We also have lack of sexual intimacy. I don’t like his hygiene and I’m not sexually attracted. I used to be though.
He’s caring and communicative. I feel like I can be myself. I love him but I keep thinking I have to let him go. I don’t think I can deal with the guilt of him making such big sacrifice
How do you deal with relationship anxiety?
Did you ever made sacrifice and not regret it?
Tdlr; bf and I have different view of future. How do y’all deal with your partner making sacrifice such as moving to another area?
5 comments
If you’re asking the question, then move on. But don’t expect him to be waiting for you down the road.
This is a dealbreaker. You don’t compromise on having children. Staying together will only cause one of you to harbour long term resentment.
The two of you have a fundamental incompatibility, and there’s no reason to try to plan a future around the *possibility* that one day you *might* change your mind on the subject of kids.
You can only plan on who you are and who he is, right now, today. And right now, today, the two of you have a fundamental incompatibility that means that there is *no* healthy, workable, long-term relationship together in your future.
So end it. Not with the “and maybe someday” clause, because if that’s there, that will become the baseline in one or both of your minds, which will cause one or both of you to be unable to be available for any potentially-compatible partners who might come along.
What you don’t want to have happen is for you to reject an otherwise perfect-for-you partner because “what if my ex changes his mind?”. What *he* doesn’t want to have happen is for him to reject an otherwise perfect-for-him partner because “what if Ayo changes her mind?”
Stop trying to figure out potential future maybe-if loopholes to get around what ultimately is a simple truth:
The two of you are fundamentally incompatible and the *only* healthy path forward for you is to part ways, and then go and eventually find partners that each of you *are* compatible with.
Girly it sounds like you’re fond of him but completely incompatible. You’re not sexually attracted to him, he’s too quiet for you, not hygienic enough, wants different things out of life….
This is just fondness because you’ve been with him for a while. It isn’t love.
This whole construction you have in your head of breaking up but not really is just because you’re scared of the change. Just… Be brave and break up lol the relationship is dead and reconnecting years down the line is silly. You’ll be over it by then, you’ll have found someone more compatible.