I live with my partner and later in the year there is a video game coming out that I am really excited about. It gets released on a Friday so I plan to take the Friday and the Monday off to have a nice long weekend to play it. I told my gf what I was planning to do and mentioned I won’t want to be making plans that weekend since I’ll be busy.

She said I shouldn’t be taking 2 days off just to play a video game and that it now limits the time I have that we can take off together. I told her I’ll still have enough leave to take time off with her and that pretty much every day I’ve already taken off has been so we can do things. I mentioned that I should be allowed to take a few days off for just myself.

She just repeated that it limits plans we can make and it’s selfish but I told her I’m allowed to use my leave for my hobbies. She said blocking out the full 4 days for the video game is too much and that I should be open to at least make plans that weekend but I refused since we can make plans any other weekend and I should be allowed a long weekend just for this and she just repeated I was being selfish and not prioritising the relationship. How would you handle this?

tl;dr my gf accused me of being selfish and not prioritising the relationship with I told her I planned to use 2 days annual leave to play a video game later in the year. How would you handle this?

39 comments

  2. While its probably a little unusual to take leave for this I don’t inherently see anything wrong with it. Will your g/f be sitting around watching you play the game or something? Will you be isolated in a room sitting in front of the computer in your Y-fronts and spaghetti stains while playing this for four days?

    Looking at it from her point of view, is there a reason she feels that the two of you don’t spend enough time together? Do the two of you not spend much time together?

  3. Tell her if there was something specific she wanted to do that weekend, she should’ve brought it up sooner. Or if she feels like you’re not doing enough stuff together in general, you’re happy to make plans for a different weekend. But getting upset you’re not available for a thing she hasn’t even figured out yet except that she doesn’t want you playing video games is ridiculous, and you’re not entertaining any further argument on the subject. If she still insists that “prioritizing the relationship” means you have to be available just in case she thinks you should be, then reconsider the relationship.

  4. I’ve done this exact thing with my wife (we weren’t married by then).

    We are both in a job with some flexibility for shifts, so it wasn’t a huge thing because it didn’t limit anything. If it will limit any time together, then it might be worth a rethink.

    Will these 2 days stop you guys doing something like a holiday/weekend away etc? Ultimately it is your time off but in a relationship you should be taking that into account.

  5. Tell her she should hang out with you and watch movies while you play and you can order food. Make it a fun chill weekend.

  6. Personally, I see what your doing as completely acceptable and should be encouraged.
    Video games can be a huge part of a person’s life. I know some people may disagree and claim it to be childlike or childish but there are a lot of feelings and emotions attached to certain franchises. It’s okay to be super excited about something! It would be like her taking a weekend trip to go to a concert or something.

    I (33F) play video games everyday and have TONS of friends that schedule days off based around releases, updates, etc.

    You aren’t being selfish.

  8. How would this 4 day weekend tell her that the relationship isn’t a priority? I don’t get it.

    You called work off to use YOUR time how you want.

  10. I feel like this is a her-problem. Not a you-problem. She’s gotta learn to get over this. People deserve to have quality time to themselves to enjoy the things they love.

    Might be a maturity thing.

  11. lol yea if a game you’ve been waiting on just came out she needs to calm down with that noise 😂 all i’d say is the rest of your 4 weeks you take off will be for her so shhh let me play my game this weekend, if not you know where the door is, don’t let it hit you on the way out 🤣

  14. Yeah no issues here. You can always cut an evening short to watch a movie or something. I do the same when it’s path of exile league start!

    It frees up her weekend and she can do things she wants to do too. Like go catch up with a friend or see family. My GF knows I’m out of action, but that there will be a cauldron sized amount of chilli con carne in the kitchen.

  15. Coming from a married, non-gamer with a gamer husband: take the time and play your games. You need your time to relax, reset and enjoy yourself from time to time. If it doesn’t impede on time with your GF, go for it. She needs to learn that self care is important and necessary and doesn’t always involve anyone else, including her. I think she’ll survive the gamer time. If not, you may want re-evaluate things.

  16. Shit, I take long weekends for games every once in a while. My wife understands that’s my biggest hobby and interest. 42M btw

  17. Dude. I’m a woman. Take that time off 🤣🤣
    Next time don’t discuss and just do it and enjoy

  19. Nah you need to have time for yourself on occasion or things won’t work out. Btw if it’s Baldur’s Gate 3 have fun brother

  21. You’re allowed to have hobbies outside of her and take time off to enjoy them. Sounds like she might benefit from getting one herself.

  23. My gf said after reading this to her. What’s her problem and how you both should work on love languages. I want sex tonight so I just nodded. lol

  24. I took a week when a wow patch came out and it was one of the best weeks of my life. Not bc the game. It was soooo relaxing. The self care was real. Got all the pent up nerd energy out of my system

  25. OP I’m also taking the same days off to play Baldur’s Gate 3. Reroll the dice on her!

  26. Guessing Spider-Man 2? This is a good idea. I’ll need to check my work calendar.

  27. Uhhh what? I am no gamer but you can do whatever the hell you want with your PTO. Gaming clearly is something you love and it doesn’t seem like you spend every weekend doing this. Your gf is being selfish.

  28. Heck, take another day off and make it five solid days of gaming. I’m a gamer wife and have taken many days off for gaming.
    Make plans with her for the future to give her something to look forward to. If that doesn’t work, find a new girl.

  31. Have fun with Baldur’s Gate 3 – I was in early access and it’s a triumph of gaming!

  32. If my partner wanted to take two days off, making it four days to play a game, I’d tell him what snacks did he want me to buy. Nothing wrong with enjoying some you time especially if you work. As a couple I know we don’t have to spend every waking moment together. We do our own hobbies to keep ourselves sane. Enjoy those days off my dude and enjoy your game.

  34. I took a week off for my birthday(I work a 12 hour rotating schedule, my last work day was Tuesday and I go back tomorrow, which would be a full week).

    I spent the entire time playing video games with a few major tasks sprinkled in and a date with my boyfriend, because it is a major stress relief for me.

    Vacations/day off are supposed to be about relaxing and stress relief.

    If it’s a major game for you, it’s not selfish.

    Like I completely expect not to hear from my boyfriend when he gets the PS5 with that new Mile Morales game, just like he 100% knows I’ve been playing through different Persona games these last few days and he won’t hear from me when I get FF XVI.

    If she, say, went on a girls weekend(or other activity she enjoys that she may do by herself), would she want to come back just to go on a date, because it would otherwise be selfish that she took personal time to enjoy something she likes?

  35. My partner is excited for Baldurs gate 3. My plan is to give him a kiss, deliver some snacks, and settle in to watch him play! Pc gaming is his life long hobby, and it makes me happy to see him enjoying himself.
    Edit. Spelling

  36. >for the video game

    Put emphasis on this. It seems she consistently frames it as being a bad thing to do due to it being a ‘videogame’.

    You need to make clear that it is, as you noted, a hobby. What that hobby is doesn’t matter, it is unfair that she is putting down that hobby just because it is something she doesn’t share an interest in. Further that you went out of your way to give her a heap of time to make alternative plans.

    The fact that she assumed every day of leave you have would be dedicated to her was presumptuous but may speak to the reality that you two lack independence. Like you seem to do a lot together, how comfortable is she doing things alone?

    Part of a healthy dynamic is individual interests. If she is trying to twist that into what is ostensibly a ‘you don’t love me enough’ argument then that is not good.

  37. She’s calling you selfish? Tell her to look in a mirror and get herself an ounce or two of self-awareness.

  39. Bro I do this almost every time a game pops up, last time was diablo 4, got a couple of days to play. My wife understands that i need that time off and does not complain about it. Next time of will be september starfield:)). Btw I am 38 and 2 kids and still find time to
    Game, not as hard as before but still enough for me

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