Are you genuinely happy in your marriage?

22 comments

1. Yes. I married my best friend and we have built a beautiful life and I still after 10 years get nervous to take her on nice dates because she’s so out of my league. I couldn’t imagine life without her

2. Very much so. This is my family, my wife and my life. Everything I am has its foundation in my marriage. Why would I ever leave my own family?

   And after almost 39 years, where on earth would I go?

3. My dude, my sweetheart and I have been married forever and intend to stay that way. There’s no specific trick to it, just a lot of habits about caring for others; trust each other, be open and honest with your communication, treat each other with dignity and respect. Know that your relationship will grow and change – you’re not the same people you were when you met, when you got married, when you had your first child, etc. Allow each other to grow and change. Remember that relationships should settle into comfort with each other. Relationships take work; you need to work hard to understand each other, empathize with each other, and figure out how to compromise when you disagree on something. There are going to be stresses and you’re going to get blindsided by disasters – always frame things as the two of you against the problems, never against each other. Have fun with each other, explore each other, celebrate each other. Screw each other’s brains out whenever you can. Enjoy the quiet moments and weather the loud ones. Be proud of your kids. Keep your home clean. I get to wake up every day and look at my sweetie, just so happy to be here. She gets to look back at me and lovingly call me a doofus. Everything takes work, but all of the work is worth it.

4. Absolutely.

   Sometimes there aren circumstances where I am not happy with myself or life problems that may arise, but, at the end of the day I have a spouse that I adore and a great marriage.

5. Extremely happy. Life can get difficult but my marriage doesn’t. We both make a clear effort while keeping realistic expectations. She’s my best friend. We’re still in love after 19 years. We’ve grown closer over that time. More in love now than when we started. More respect for each other now than when we started.

   I don’t believe a better relationship than the one I have is possible. I’m not just saying that. It seems almost miraculous. What’s below is what I credit with that.

   It’s long, so I put the main points in bold so you can skip the details if you want.

   **To begin with, we’re extremely compatible.**

   Part of this probably luck, but certainly not all of it. I was extremely intentional in dating. From around 18 I knew I was dating to find someone I would marry. I never stayed in a relationship for fun or to not be alone. And I had the very realistic understanding that Love does not conquer all. When I realized something between a GF & I that I felt would create a compatibility issue, would be likely to be a point of contention in the future, I moved on.

   Some might think I was being overly picky, but It’s worked out so well. We’re both fairly easy going and the things that are very important to her to have a certain way I either agree with or they are not important to me so it’s easy to let her have that. And visa versa.

   We have the same views on all the most important aspects of marriage, from raising children to sex to boundaries with friends & coworkers, and much more. We don’t have to hash those issues out because we’re already in sync.

   **We spend huge amounts of time and talking together.**

   We’re each other’s favorite person to talk to & spend time with. I call her on my lunch breaks and we flirt via text while I’m at work. We’ve been working out together 5 days a week lately which is wonderful. We go out regularly. We often fall asleep holding hands.

   We go for walks just to talk and hold hands. I’m sure our neighbors are all familiar with the site of us walking together hand in hand.

   We talk about the situations we see other couples in and how we will avoid them. The marriage and marriage advice subreddits have been great sources for spurring these conversations.

   **We had both good and bad examples to learn from.**

   My parents were an incredible example. I heard my dad raise his voice at my mother just a couple times growing up. Each time, once it was calmed down, he explained to us that regardless of what the disagreement was about he was wrong to have raised his voice at her. Then he apologized to her in front of us.

   My wife had the opposite. When still a pretty young girl, her dad introduced her to one of his girlfriends. He was that brazen. Her mom had been doing the “stay for the children” thing and eventually did realized it was doing more harm than good. But you can learn from bad examples too. Just ask yourself what they would do, and do the opposite.

   **We give each other the attention a spouse deserves.**

   For example, if one of us is sitting on the couch playing on the phone and the other on sits next to, we put the phone down and give our attention. At least for a bit until we know it’s ok to pick it back up.

   **We don’t relive or dwell on the past.**

   For example, She had some things from her dating past she wasn’t proud of. She told me about them (general, not detailed) 2-3 months into dating. I took a few days to think about wether I was going to continue the relationship. Once I decided, I made a promise to my self to never mention or allude to it in any way. And I haven’t.

   **We support each other. And some things, if temporary aren’t worth stressing over.**

   When Life was super busy (kids activities, sports, etc) and she decided to start going skating to the adult skate night at the rink on Sat nights, one of the only two nights we had the option of spending time with just the two of us, I was disappointed. I felt like she should be choosing to spend that time with me.

   She’d been a SAHM for more than a decade and I felt she deserved to go enjoy herself and have this fun social hobby. So I didn’t mention it and I’m glad I didn’t. Six months after it started the pandemic hit the rink shut down for a year. I’m glad she got to have that fun before being cooped up in the house all day again. Now the rink is back open and our oldest is responsible enough to keep an eye on the others why we go skating together. The sacrifice for six months was worth what it did for her.

   **We both do things to try and help the other.**

   If she needs some time to relax alone in the bedroom I’ll make sure the kids don’t bother her. She does the same for me. She’s always made sure I had about 20 minutes to myself to unwind and transition to dad mode after getting home from work. She hates ironing so I’ve done it all our entire marriage. It can actually add up to two or three hours a week. If I see her folding a giant pile of laundry that I know is there because she neglected it all week, that’s ok. We move the giant pile to our room and sit on the bed folding together. I actually enjoy the time with her even while folding laundry. Dishes are primarily her responsibility with how we divide things, but I’ll do them while she’s grabbing a nap or something else that takes her out of the house just to surprise her when she comes back to do them and finds it’s already done.

   **We never stop courting**

   What exactly it looks like has changed a bit through different stages of life. It’s different with 3 young kids than it is with kids that are a bit older & can be left without supervision for several hours. But we go out together and focus on us and enjoying each other pretty regularly. We flirt like a college couple.

6. 100% I married the right person. We are kind to each other, we have fun every day and I trust him with my life. We’ve been together over thirty years and were good friends before we dated.

7. Very. My husband is my everything. He’s my partner and my friend. We take on life together and when one of us trips the other is there to pick up the burden and vice versa

8. Yes, happy. Married to the love of my life for 25 years. Can’t imagine a single day without her.

9. Absolutely! – it’s been over a “score” of years and more to go! I could say I scored over a score ago. (Just thought of this pun when I read the post so I had to respond! LOL)

10. 30yrs together and he is my best friend and favourite person. He accepts me warts and all. He’s loyal and honest and we’ve been through hell and back together. We’re just getting to the best part. The kids are gone, retirement is within reach. I think this will be the best chapter yet.

11. The overuse of genuine is interesting. Usually indicates anything but..

12. yes. I have been with my husband for over 20yrs. We both understand each other, our communication is excellent and has been since we got together. We change what needs to be changed; are content with how things are. We laugh, we joke, we troll each other. We support each other’s hobbies outside of the marriage/each other and also do things together.

13. Been together for 15+ years, pots of ups and downs. But will not change anything about it (thought about it though).

14. We are.

    When I first met her, we had crushes on each other in high school. Once we started dating all signs pointed to a perfect fit. Never once throughout our life together did I have any reason to think otherwise.

    At this point she is what my life is about. The family we built. The history we share and the plans we have. She fulfills me completely (sexually and otherwise), so there has never been any thoughts of “leaving”.

    My greatest joy is to bring her happiness.

15. 14 years married, started dating at 15 years old. We are almost total opposites in personality and grew up in totally different circumstances.

    It took many years to understand what each other needed to feel loved.

    He is strong in everything that I am weak and vice versa. We make each other laugh and we want all the same things out of life and the sex is still so fucking hot….

    So yes, I am genuinely happy and feel like the luckiest woman alive.

16. 28 years married. My wife truly loves and looks after me. We are best of friends. We have freak flag sex. I look forward to everyday with her.

17. I am genuinely happy.

    >Why or why not?

    Because my wife is hot.

    >What keeps you invested?

    My wife’s hotness.

    >What keeps you from leaving?

    Her ass.

    >!She’s also really smart and a wonderful mom. Very funny. Infectious laugh. Chill. Low maintenance. Near-zero drama. Hard-working. So yeah there’s all that… but that ass tho!<

18. I honestly can’t decide whether I am genuinely happy in my marriage or not. It really depends on the day. The thing is, my wife is my best friend and I love her to death. We get along really well and are quite compatible in most of our life goals and values. However, we’ve had a dead bedroom for the 9 out of 11 years of marriage and I’m completely unfulfilled sexually. Sex is really important to me and this really affects my overall happiness in the relationship.

    > What keeps you invested? What keeps you from leaving?

    I love her, she’s my best friend, and we have a great relationship other than the sex.

19. Yes I’m incredibly happy! He’s the only one I ever dated and I’d never want to be with anyone else. He’s my best friend. We’ve been together almost fourteen years now and still do everything together. I’m so proud to be his wife.

20. Yep. I’m invested because of our history and our present. This is someone who has consistently been a positive influence in my life, and continues to be every day.

21. I am. It’s a second marriage for me and that alleviates a lot of the frustrations I had in my first marriage. I think first marriages have a tendency to fall into a listing of pros and cons. Second marriages (for me at least) tend to be more about the whole picture: Am I happy with the WHOLE picture? It’s like judging your SAT score and not worrying so much about how you did well in the math part and less good in reading: Did you get a good enough composite score or didn’t you?

    Plus, the second time, you know divorce is am option. So, there’s no need to feel trapped……because you are NOT trapped. If you want to use the door, it is there. And the same is true for your spouse: They can leave if the situation doesn’t suit them.

    Honestly, I’d rather leave than sit around complaining about something.

22. Together 16 married 10 and yes he’s my person. Even in our worst moments we choose each other.

    I think we’re both alike in that we are willing to make it through the tough times together. But mostly our personalities complement the other.