Hi!
Ive come out of a 5 year relationship about a year ago and started dating. Ive been out with 9 girls and have been dissatified with the mindset about relationships from all of them – Sometimes because they think a male is a provider and they dont consider that they need to bring something to the table themselves. For example, a male should provide economic stability and offer to pay stuff but when it comes to chords and other things in the home, the male should be at least equal – thats unacceptable for me. Other girls seem immature and another just have a different worldview and different view on relationships altogether.
So the girl im seeing now is a mother of 3 and have the kids every other week and she has a stable economic situation and a good job. She is mature, smart, social and happy all the time and Ive never had a better sexpartner and I have developed feelings for her quickly. She also seem conservative with male and female roles in relationships, which I dont mind! Of course theres a big downside with kids, but I dont mind that either because she have so many good traits and Im honestly a bit terrified of the datingmarket after seeing different girls for almost a year where almost all of them seem more or less crazy.
However, she ignores most things I say and jump to other topics and as anyone I go with the flow but as it all progressed and were 3 months in I’ve noticed she almost never respond to what I talk about but instead change topic, talk about something else – like I never said anything. Ive talked to her about this many times but it doesnt seem to change. She is very self-absorbed about her topics, its almost always about things she does, or what people think about her, things in her house etc.
I dont know what strategy to use about this? Ive talked to her about this 6 times but it doesnt seem to land. Ive started repeating what I say, which I feel is passive aggressive. I also asked her plenty of times if she heard me and she then repeat what I say, but somehow she never feel that she needs to answer to anything I say. It makes me feel very lonely, and eventough she says shes in love with me I cant believe thats true when she doesnt feel a tiny bit intrested in talking with me about anything else than herself? She sometimes ask me stuff, like what are you going to do today but she doesnt listen to the answer and sometimes cut me off and start talking about something completely different.
Do you guys have any tips?
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TL;DR: Self-absorbed partner that doesnt answer to anything I say but instead keep talking about other topics (mostly herself) or just sit quiet. She has no problem talking about her stuff. I like everything else about her but this makes me feel lonely and I doubt that she likes me although she says shes in love with me. What should I do about this problem? Talked to her plenty of times about it, but no change. Do I need some strategy to get through to her?
3 comments
> Do I need some strategy to get through to her?
You’ve already told her a hundred times. She doesn’t care. This is who she is. Are you ok with spending the rest of your life with someone who just wants a warm body but has no interest in you as a person?
This would be a real breaker for me.
My man.
Why are you even considering this?
Try thinking of it this way: assuming she A – is fluent in the language you both communicate with each other in, and B – has not suffered any sort of injury/impairment to the part of the brain which comprehends language in general – what makes you think she doesn’t *understand?*
She understands just fine. She simply *does. not. care.*
So sure – stay with her, assuming you want this to be your life – feeling alone, ignored, unheard and lonely.
Just get gone, my man. Don’t do this to yourself.
Good luck.
It honestly sounds like you want to settle for her because you’re too scared to get back out there in the dating scene, and that’s not a healthy place to be.