A year, maybe more, ago my bf broke up with me. It was very terrible. He broke up with me and instantly got with my step sister. He fell into drugs but was still living with me. I was a fool then. He was emotionally abusive to me then.
Now, he’s doing a lot better. He’s sober. We are trying our relationship again. Honestly, I’m not in this like I was before our break up. We fight a whole lot too. I just don’t picture myself with him in our future and I want to move on.
But I’m also afraid to do so. I guess I have niche interests and niche opinions. I’m autistic gen z so I guess it checks out. I’m also demisexual which works into how I date. I met him when I was 19. He was the first person I ever dated. It was because I could never love someone who I wasn’t absolutely 100% invested in and most people… I just don’t understand them. I’ve only had 4 friends my whole life too, him included. I’m just… weird. I think it takes a very special kind of person to love me. I also want to break up with him because less and less our opinions drift apart, and I want someone who at least sympathizes to my opinions, but I guess I just don’t think the way most people do.
I want to be with somebody new, but I’m afraid to let the familiarity I have with him go. If I break up with him I’m going to have no friends and no family to go to. It’s literally just going to be me, all on my own, and I don’t know how I can really handle that.
I want to feel like there’s somebody out there for me, but I feel like that was my bf. Before he broke up with me. The good days. My mom has been divorced from my dad for over a decade and has drifted between relationships, but still says to me my dad was and is still the love of her life even though he’s emotionally abusive and she couldn’t be with him anymore. That’s how it is for the women in my family on my mom’s side. True love doesn’t exist, or if it does, it doesn’t last and you never find it again. Honestly the women here are notorious for being unlovable. I don’t want that for me. I don’t want to be stuck in the rut with my partner I want to find true love again, but I don’t even know if it exists for me. I don’t want to die alone. I don’t want to forever be searching. If I’m forever searching I’d rather be with my bf. I just don’t know if I should try and settle with this or take the risk and face the loneliness.
4 comments
“He fell into drugs”
Why exactly was he a good match for you?
This relationship reminds me of Sharon Stone and James Woods in Casino. This man is absolutely terrible for you – you know it – but you’ll never stop going back to him.
There would be a hundred plus guys lining up to get with you who aren’t drug addicts or abusers. But it sounds like what you need even more than a new guy is friends. Friends who aren’t his friends. You need to develop an identity outside of who you are to this man strong enough to get you through the loneliness. Give it a few months, heal up, and then go find you a new guy.
I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling conflicted and afraid about your current relationship and the potential of being alone. It’s important to remember that your worth and value as a person are not determined by being in a relationship.
It sounds like you have some reservations about your current relationship, including past emotional abuse and ongoing conflicts. It’s crucial to prioritize your own well-being and happiness. Consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor who can help you navigate your emotions and provide guidance on making decisions that are in your best interest.
It’s natural to be afraid of the unknown, but staying in a relationship that doesn’t bring you fulfillment or align with your long-term goals and values may not be the best choice for your happiness and personal growth. While it can be difficult to let go of familiarity, it’s important to remember that change can often lead to positive outcomes and new opportunities for personal growth and connections.
It’s also important to challenge the belief that true love doesn’t exist or that you are unlovable. Every person deserves a healthy, fulfilling, and loving relationship. It may take time and exploration to find someone who appreciates and understands you, and it’s okay to take that journey at your own pace.
While the idea of facing loneliness can be daunting, it’s important to remember that being single does not equate to being alone forever. You have the ability to foster and build new relationships, friendships, and connections over time. Focus on finding contentment and fulfillment within yourself first, and take steps to cultivate a supportive network of friends and family who can provide love and companionship.
Ultimately, only you can decide what is the best path for your future. It may be helpful to weigh the pros and cons of your current relationship, seek professional guidance, and trust in your own abilities to create a fulfilling life for yourself. Remember, you deserve love and happiness, and finding a meaningful connection is possible, even if it may take time and effort.
You keep applying labels about who you are. That gives yourself the excuse you have to live in that mental box and not push yourself and grow.
Decide the person you want to be. Push yourself to figure out how to change old habits. Research it, find help if needed but enact change.
You don’t have to choose social isolation. You may not feel comfortable trying to change but you need to try. Use the fear and knowledge that you must, to drive you.
What you are doing, isn’t working.