How did you mature as a man even without a father figure

8 comments

1. Maturity comes with experiences and time. There is little to no benefit in beating yourself down over what ifs and what could have been.

   A father is not a necessity in your quest to obtain maturity and independence, though of course it is a resource. Life is about trials and tribulations. You will stumble and you will fall. And that is okay. Everyone does. That is how, we, as humans, learn. Your father went through this exact thing many years before having you.

2. My situation’s a bit different. My dad was a negligent piece of human waste from the very start. Gambler, abuser, womanizer, narcissist, braggart, spendthrift, you name it. He was the very picture of everything NOT to do as a man. So, I guess he taught me valuable life lessons in a very roundabout way. I think “What would my father do?” And then I do the opposite.

   As of now, I refuse to gamble, I don’t start fights, I’m only seeing ONE woman at the moment, I try to keep myself humble, and I save money however I can (taking care of my mom alone and not having any financial support whatsoever kind of necessitates this).

3. Construct your own father figure out of memories of the man and fill in the gaps with Harrison Ford roles.

   Seriously I’m not kidding.

4. Put yourself in situations where you are forced to step up. Seek out ‘character-building’ experiences. Allow yourself the opportunity to overcome hardships, even if they are contrived.

5. You think to yourself: what would my (father, brother, etc) do in this situation.

6. My dad passed away when I was 20, so I had a decent amount of time with him but I feel like I didn’t actually start trying to mature or grow up until after he passed and I came to terms that I had to be the big man of the house. I ended up looking up to a couple YouTubers I followed and took their life advice they gave. Hickock45 gave great advice as a retired middle school teacher, he felt like my own grandpa, giving advice on not getting too wrapped up in politics and to slow down and enjoy the smaller things in life. There was this one cop on youtube who gave a lot of advice for police/security work that I began following because security was my first full time job and I wanted to get better, he would give his own perspective on the whole “dont make your job your personality” lecture frequently and that stuck with me.

7. I have learned to cultivate in my self the traits that I admire in others.

   From Mom: be honest, keeping track of what lie you told to whom is way to much work.

   from Grandpa: Gentle Strength, “you are in charge not your feelings”

   from Grandma: laugh at your self, but never put yourself down
   From Mr Rodgers: be one of the helpers.

   there are dozens of others, when I see a trait is someone that I think is admirable, I experiment with it and see how it changes my life, then keep the things that have a positive effect and abandon or refine the things that have a negative or neutral effect.

8. You learn in life as you go along. You got this friend, don’t worry. In the mean time, read about different philosophies, you don’t have to follow any one specific idea, but maybe you can gind sonething that will help. Find older friends who can give you advice.

   Most importantly, remember to be respectful and kind, but don’t accept others belittling you or putting you down.