We’ve been seeing eachother for the past 6 months. Hes such an amazing partner, family oriented, funny , handsome , so supportive to not only me but his family and his friends . In term of non-physical standards its all ticked off. But he’s a selfish lover and idk if its something that can be fixed.
I saw a reel that said ‘there a 2 types of men, men that get off on making you cum and men that see making you cum as a chore’ and sleeping with him feels like the second one and its a vibe killer.
He’s smaller that what id prefer which isn’t a dealbreaker, there are just certain positions i don’t really feel anything but i love him so much for me its not a dealbreaker but the lack of effort to please me i think is becoming one
At the beginning of our relationship i put it to not knowing each-others bodies but as time has gone on , too many times we’d have sex and he’s cum and not realised i haven’t come and go shower and have his time and id be left having to finish myself off .
He’s get defensive when i try to bring this up and makes comments like ‘cause you take ages’ trying to joke it off, hes like ‘just one time we do it just for me ‘ implying we fuck just for his pleasure which i don’t mind i enjoy getting him off but when its alll the time ugh , its so frustrated, and now i feel like I’ve brought it up too many time like i don’t want to argue with him, like when is it gonna be my turn 😩
The times i have brought it up after sex that I’ve not cummed , he fingers me but i can tell he’s not into it and it turns me off, and repeatedly asking me have i cum like no give me some timee.
I love him and don’t want to leave him but I’m so sexaully frustrated I’m starting to fantasise about other men and i’m getting temptations to cheat which I’ve never had before.
What should i do?
**UPDATE**
Had another conversation and took into account some of the advice in the comment.
He said when he met me he had more time to fuck like i want to but now cause he’s working so much he’s says he’s tired by the time we meet.
I replied that “i study full time and work and i still make time . I wanted you to ask me ‘what can i do’. “
And essentially , he said i need to be understanding on the situation.
Thing is …. What do u expect me to do … just be okay with no being sexually satisfied …..
9 comments
Have him take care of you first. He doesn’t get to finish until you do. Stop having sex with him if he is too selfish to try to meet your needs.
Men should be more focused on making their partner cum multiple times, all the time. I don’t even care if I cum to be honest. I get so much satisfaction seeing her being satisfied. Ditch him, he won’t change, it’s a personality trait to be selfish.
You should not have to beg for your own pleasure. I have a suggestion: How’s about starting to masterbate together. He is not allowed to touch you, just look. Make him earn back the privilege and learn by watching you do it.
He is probably embarrassed and gets defensive but you need to get it out in the open and talk about it. I assume you don’t want to go your whole life having to always be responsible for your own orgasms. It’s not unreasonable at all to expect your pleasure before he gets to finish. There are lots of ways to accomplish it and it depends on your comfort levels.
Have you told him what works for you?
So I married a guy like this and let me tell you it doesn’t get better. You need to have a serious talk with him and be very clear that you need him to change his attitude or there can’t be a future. You deserve to enjoy your sex life.
I do not want to invalidate your checklist of qualities. However, if he is not willing to put in the honest work to try to be a better lover to you, he will not genuinely be a good partner for you for you to build a life with because is he is being dismissive about your feelings in the matter.
And his comments blaming you are that of an immature little boy who thinks that he is the only thing that matters. It’s one thing to feel bad when you can’t get your partner to cum, and make the effort to be better. It’s a separate issue and huge red flag to blame you and laugh it off.
Chances are he could be better with with your coaching but if he doesn’t put in the effort, that is a bad sign.
I like to consider myself an optimist, but I agree that it is probably a personality trait that will not change. If it is an inconvenience for him, any effort he makes probably won’t last. I have always had a much greater sex drive than my wife. Mine is as strong as ever, hers is fading. We have been together forever and love each other very much. I feel that the sexual part of a relationship is very important, and living without it can be miserable. After all of these years you start to wonder how this person can have almost no interest in something that means a lot to you(your pleasure and intimate sexual connection). Search for “dead bedroom” on here, to dive down the rabbit hole.
What is his size if you don’t mind answering?