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Trying not to be a downer, but having one of those days where I’m really sad about the fact that I have to work so much harder to catch and keep people’s attention because I’m not what people would call conventionally attractive. I feel like I get so much less grace because of the way I look. I love myself and think I’m great, but I can also recognize that I’m not the cup of tea for a lot of people. Just kind of thinking about that today.
ETA: I am plus-sized and I’m aware that this impacts the way people perceive me. Not interested in weight loss advice, not trying to fish for compliments. Just trying to be self-aware and accept things the way they are.
She’s coming over tomorrow (she initiated that, still confirming a time) to bring me some of my stuff that she has from the last time I saw her and we’re going to catch up. I’m also going to bring up a “check in” with her about things. It is at this time that I will discuss where I feel my needs aren’t being met. Although, my anxiety says she’s gonna end it tomorrow and that’s why she was distant and that’s why she wants to come over in person vs calling me yesterday. I’m being repeatedly hurt by her but I also really want her and this. It’s a double edged sword.
I’m significantly less angry than yesterday, so I’m going to put my thoughts together today, tonight with the my therapist, and tomorrow during the day.
Big topics are:
1. Lack of effort to make plans to see me on a regular interval.
2. Lack of communication during times when she pulls back.
3. Wanting to know where her head is at after the family meet and greet and not really speaking for a week and a half. I know she’s out living her life, but if you’re in this, I should be a part of that too.
I’m gonna be a wreck all day tomorrow before she gets here and I’ll know right away what her energy is as soon as I see her. I’ve never laid out “I need this from you or this isn’t going forward. I don’t feel reciprocation and I’d like to feel it in these ways”
I’ll take any advice or guidance you all may have.
I did a weekend trip with my BF, and he invited me over, along with one of my dogs, last night. That was a first! We had an unfortunate fall – literally, he tripped, fell into me, and I fell into a door 😂 that’s the only time I’ve seen him cry. He wants to see me again tonight, and suggested both dogs. It’s been 8 months, and I really feel like we turned a corner over the weekend.
After my post yesterday about how I’m generally giving up I received a message from a girl I had a video call with, telling me after a week of no contact that she had decided to start dating someone semi seriously. 🙃
Single and drowning to stay afloat financially. I hate it here. I want to get married + have a baby and have a supportive partner. It feels out of reach right now. I’ve been single for almost 2 years.
I had a tough therapy session this morning that has left me feeling like I want to throw up. I feel like I’m not going to make progress attracting anyone until I fix all of my trauma in therapy because I’m clearly doing something subconsciously to push people away – but I’ve already been in therapy for like 7 years so at this point I feel like I’m being punished somehow, like if I can’t iron out all of my issues and become a perfectly well adjusted person, I don’t deserve to feel what it’s like for someone to care about me. Which is its own cosmic joke because the whole reason for my trust issues (apparently) is because I grew up feeling unsafe and not being cared about. Cool. I wonder how many more years of therapy it will take for me to figure it out.
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I have a first date tonight. He’s actually looking for a long term relationship (oddly rare these days). Here’s to hoping I don’t self-sabotage this one.
I had two great phone dates over the last week. With two offers for a first date! An art museum and a cooking class. Not overly romantic so I won’t be running into the risk of kissing two guys in the same weekend. Not my style.
Hey all! I’m new here and looking for some perspective, maybe to just get my thoughts out there.
I recently attended a Meetup event for the first time, and met a woman in her early 40s. She and I chatted all night, well after everyone else left the meetup, and we ended up going to another bar, and finally back to her place. The whole time I was just sharing and we seemed like we could really connect as friends. We ended up hooking up and I gauged that we both had a great time. Repeatedly, before things got flirty at all, she was saying we should go to a comedy show together, or she’s looking for someone to hang out with downtown. She’s not looking to date, she made that clear. But it seemed like we could stay friends.
She was texting me rather lightly the next morning (good morning, did you get home safe? nothing crazy). I didn’t want to seem desperate. I legitimately had a great time, even if we hadn’t hooked up. I reached out yesterday and let her know I had fun and asked if she’d like to meet again. I didn’t mention the friends thing, I dunno, maybe I should have.
Anyway she hit me back immediately, saying we had our night of fun but she does not want to see me again. Totally different tone from the previous day. We wished each other well, and I sent a follow-up text just letting her know that I honestly appreciated getting to know her. No reply, but that’s OK.
There’s an age gap of 14 years. I just wonder if there’s anything I could have done to remain friendly, or if she might be in her own head about age, fear of me getting attached, etc. It’s not weighing on me heavily, but I’m trying to learn and grow from this experience, and would appreciate some more mature perspective. I’m 28, and this is the first time I’ve done something like this. Previously I was in a 9 year relationship that started when I was 18, and she was aware of that. This is all new to me.
I was seeing someone for 8 months who I met on tinder. Seemed like everything was going good so I finally asked him out yesterday. Sadly things aren’t going to work out because of my cats and kids.
Now I gotta work myself for awhile. Especially communication and timing.
Hope y’all are doing better!
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Hey everyone. 29F that’s been dating a 30M for about 10 weeks now and been exclusively seeing each other (not quite relationship) for about 2 weeks. In the first few weeks we saw each other once a week but now we have dates twice a week.
For the past few days or so, I’ve just been feeling super insecure and anxious (I have a fearful avoidant attachment style but in therapy working towards secure). There’s nothing in particular that’s making me feel this way or if there is, I can’t quite put my finger on it. He mentioned yesterday he didn’t have plans for the weekend and was waiting for me to ask him to hang out which I did. He’s been doing most of the initiating tbh so I was happy to. So we have plans for this upcoming Friday.
I don’t know. Some thoughts I’m having is that he’s pulling away, losing interest, is finding me boring, the excitement of dating someone new is fading, etc. I don’t have evidence to support these thoughts and he’s not telling me these things, I’m telling myself these things.
I don’t think I should bring this up to him considering it’s still pretty early on and don’t want to scare him off. Plus I don’t really know exactly what I need from him (besides me seeking validation/reassurance). I guess any helpful tips, kind words, suggestions or advice would be helpful. Thank you.
I asked out my crush. She’s taken. I took my gear, bus to the rollerblade circuit, and flushed my emotions in cold sweat.
I told the concert woman to say hi if she saw me there and to let me know if she wanted to get food before the show, clarifying that it was a-ok if she wasn’t interested. I’d rather awkwardly say that than have someone feel pressured or say “maybe!” just to be nice, I can’t fuckin handle that at this point. Feeling a little dumb and cringey so I’m just typing this out so I can release it. I’m sure she feels the same way I felt when my ex-boyfriends came knocking 3 years later saying “hey, how’ve you been?”
Oddly I have a first date tonight with someone who ghosted me way back in December, and tomorrow the very hot, very into me summer fling who moved away temporarily but maybe forever that I’ve been texting and flirting a little with wants to do a phone call. I’m lightly positive about the date, apprehensive about the call. (It’s this kind of thing that makes me delusional enough to want to send texts to women from months ago.)
I must’ve lost my interest in the apps a while back; my dating experiences have been strictly IRL for weeks and weeks. And I guess the time away from apps… and the beauty of IRL… as well as reading everyone’s OLD experiences here on the sub, has encouraged a bit of reflection about online.
As a result, the notion that’s been following me around this week:
Using our thumbs to exchange words and emojis on dating apps and messenger is unfortunately not an awesome method for determining that another person should be given a chance with us OR should *not* be given a chance.
Saw a post at some point in the Hinge subreddit that each prompt should have one line of thought, even in a prompt that could have multiple ideas like “We’re the same type of weird if…” Is that a general rule of thumb?
I don’t know how to stop myself from caring more about rejection than actually how much I like the folks I’m seeing. Like, I was on the fence about seeing this guy again after 2 dates, but now that he hasn’t responded to my text last night, I’m sitting here annoyed and anxious. Has anyone successfully beaten this impulse? I feel like it must come from being people-pleasing or having self-esteem issues, but I don’t know how to address it, honestly.
33M, I’m so tired of the dating scene
I’ve been single now since I was 30. Was single from 28 to 30 also. Had 2 non-overlapping fwb since, but started wanting a real partner after putting in a lot of effort into self improvement.
I broke things off with my latest fwb because I didn’t see it going anywhere more than that (I’m not all that attracted to her and it turns out she’s been hiding red flags for the year I’ve been seeing her).
I got a call from my last ex recently, and so we went out, had a couple beers and made out. She messaged me the next day, then nothing since. The story with her is really long, it was a wrong place wrong time kinda past, but now I’m thinking it’s just not going to work.
Went on a few dates with another chick. she was a little young for me, 7 years younger, but I thought I’d try it out. She CUP checked me and blamed it on me instead of apologizing, so naturally I dropped her. That lasted about 10 days.
The few dates I’ve been on in the last calendar year last anywhere from 1 to 3 dates before I’m ghosted. It got to the point where I don’t even pay for more than my half of the date or maybe a 3 dollar coffee.
My hobbies include reading, baldurs gate 3, running, cycling, lifting weights, painting, writing, the outdoors, spending time with my family and my two dogs. I recently got my bachelor’s, I’m looking into my masters next year, and I’m studying massage therapy rn. I own my car, and I moved back in with my grandmother to help her with home improvement and to avoid having to pay rent.
My charisma is pretty average, slightly above average looks for my area, decent wages but unskilled job (for now), about average intelligence, healthy blend of sarcastic and kind.
I’m not actively searching, but taking the opportunities when they arise. What else can I do?
Just want to get people’s thoughts here, I already have my own but interested to hear others’.
One of my good friends refuses to move in with a man before she is engaged because she says she doesn’t want to do ‘wife duties on a girlfriend salary’. When I’ve brought up that you don’t *really* know someone until you live with them, she states that because they are together practically every day, she already knows him well. She has never previously been engaged/married and has never lived with a partner before.
I personally don’t agree, you don’t truly know someone until you share an owned space and other important parts of life together. Anyone have any thoughts or personal experience on this?
Would you consider *this* ghosting?
Hello! I’d like your input on this. I met a guy in March through an app and we dated for 2 and a half months. It started off awkward, as after the second date, while I was in my place, I saw a picture of him getting married like 6 months prior. I asked him about it indirectly, he lied about it, I then confronted them with the truth -that I had seen the pic- and told me he would explain in person. The next time we met was almost 2 months after. He told me it was a short marriage and I believed him. The following date, we slept together. He turned kind of cold after that, which is why I asked him if he had lost interest (he wouldn’t reply to my messages). He answered he hadn’t lost interest but that he was not the *intensive* texter I was looking for, that he was a sporadic one and that I could do whatever I wanted with that info -meaning that he’d be ok with me not talking to him again. We met again, after that, and that was the last time we saw each other, because as he was driving me back to my place after abruptly cutting the date short, I saw on his phone that ‘Jesse hinge’ was apologizing because ‘she couldn’t make it’. The guy saw it too and asked me to stay longer in the car (obviously, as the date he was having after ours got cancelled, I was apparently a good plan b). After that, 2 months of radio silence, until he texted me 2 weeks ago. I replied, not engaging much. The conversation was short. The thing is, I feel rather bad for not voicing out that I don’t want to see him again. Is this considered soft ghosting? I do think that ghosting is a cruel thing to do but honestly, after he said that he wouldn’t care whether I decided to speak to him again or not (before that last date) I don’t feel as bad… what do you think? Should I reach out only to finish it as a matter of respect?
The hilarity of the things I see on Hinge. Some dude’s prompts and answers are as follows:
1. The way to win me over: “Definitely.”
2. I recently discovered that: “True.”
3. A random fact I love is: “Yes.”
My feelings seem to have really ramped up since my boyfriend met my family and it went well. It’s a bit scary almost.
I’m really struggling with the sex with my new guy.
He is so great, I am so touchy feely round him and he turns me on so much, the dates are great, the cuddles and kisses are great, but I’d say the sex has only been great about 50% of the time in the month and a bit we have been dating.
Im a late bloomer, I don’t know much about his history, but as I only had sex with one other person before him and it was only last year I feel a bit unsure if it’s me that’s the issue. He says he’s enjoying himself, but we do a lot of foreplay and maybe some missionary and then it’s done lol. I want to experiment more and my drive is through the roof after years of nothing but I feel like he’s not putting in too much effort to try, can’t go for more than one round and also I get so stuck in my head about it because of lack of experience it kinda goes terribly.
I don’t really know how to bring it up? I feel like it’s just the one thing that’s a dealbreaker with him for me, but also because I’m so in my head about it I don’t even know if I could get better elsewhere.we’re only just at the beginning of the honey moon stage and I feel like this is where it should be the best 😅
Help! It is going to rain during my second date. Do we share an umbrella or use separate umbrellas?
Not a man trying to “meet up at a hotel” on Hollywood Blvd before “finding a bar around there”. I’m so glad I wasn’t doing online dating in my twenties. I wouldn’t have recognized the danger then. It was bad enough with “friends”. Yikes. I’m only just now realizing I am safer if I pick the venue.
The December ghoster just texted to say she’s having car trouble and wants to know if I can reschedule tonight’s date in case she can’t get it sorted 🙄 I’m sure if I return to this text later I’ll feel more neutral and open to rescheduling but right now all I feel is hostility. Even if it’s really car trouble. Can I not have a single win this week?
Here’s something else I wonder about: why will a guy take forever to answer your texts, but he’ll be one of the first to like or view your Instagram story right after you post it? It’s weird and funny at the same time.
I’m (34f) feeling a little lost. I’ve been out with someone (38m) from OLD 6 times now over the the course of about 2 months. (In those 2 months I went on an international trip, I had an out of state work trip and he has had 3 work tips so maybe the pace is normal?) Last date was on Sunday, which he initiated the morning of which seems to be the trend the past few dates where he asks if I’m free in the morning to see me later that day/ evening for dinner or some activity. I haven’t ever encountered someone who dates like this. My mind is telling me this is a sign of him not being interested in something serious but when we are together the conversations and intimacy does seem like it has potential. He always reaches out after he sees me to tell me how much fun he had or just say something sweet about me. I’m just feeling confused- maybe more confusion since I actually like him! Is it too soon to bring up concerns with the lack of planning/ consistency? I feel insecure when we don’t have plans in advance- like our last date will be the last date since we don’t set up plans in advance. This is the longest I’ve dated someone since my engagement ended last November so I’m a little rusty at dating- especially in my 30s!
Not sure if I need advice or just to write this down.
Been dating for over 10 months now, but while she always says the right things, and the time we spend together is usually great, I get the feeling that she’s perfectly content to not spend all that much time with me. We usually meet once per week at this point, and while I know she _is_ genuinely busy during the week (so mid-week dates are an issue), it feels like there’s not much effort being made there, it isn’t a priority. Some days, like today, I just don’t feel very loved.
I’m telling myself that this would be different if we lived together, but maybe that’s cope. Not sure what to do at this point. When we’re together I do feel the connection, but she just seems content for that to not be all that often, even coming up to a year in.
Am I crazy? I’m currently going through a family crisis and asked my bf (37) of 6 months for a little time to myself so I can process things. After a couple of days where we didn’t interact (which I appreciated) I reached out today just to say hi and ask him about a job he had applied to recently and had previously shared a lot of info about with me. He replied with a paragraph ranting about his job and a YouTube video about something completely unrelated to our conversation. No response to my question. I said I would have appreciated a response to my question as I was interested to know. He in turn responded saying, oh well, he thought I still needed time to myself and he had a really busy day. Okay? Am I being unreasonable here? I felt like I was talking to a 15 year old, not a grown man.
feeling not good today… unattractive and undesirable, and having a lot of intrusive thoughts about wanting to die. and then feeling honestly ashamed that I have such extreme emotions about something frivolous like dating. but, embarrassing as it is, I do have those thoughts, and they are intense.
just… not really seeing any hope for how this is going to get better. I didn’t feel so bad about it 7-8 years ago when I felt like there were plenty more ways to improve and things I could be trying, but at this point I feel like I’ve heard and tried all the advice there is and am still in the same place. I want something to change so badly, but I have a deep internal feeling that it’s just never going to happen for me. (before anyone asks, yes, I’m in therapy.)
This is stupid, but I travel for work and one of the women who works where I’m at is just so attractive to me (3rd time I’ve been here). We chat and have some light social talk, and everything. And idk, but I’m left feeling very frustrated with life.
Saw an interesting article today in the NY Times about “date me docs” which are basically mega-long personal ads. Interesting concept for sure, and obviously tells you much more about someone than a short dating profile. Obviously this is like a sales doc, but I actually like the idea of making a long doc of all of my green flags plus all of my red flags and then letting someone decide from there. If they actually proceed, we’d be halfway to the altar!