I’m (42F) in an incredibly tough and heartbreaking situation right now. A few weeks ago, I caught my husband (44M) having a affair with my daughter (20F) my daughter is now pregnant. I’m devastated, shocked, and at a complete loss for how to navigate this situation.
My family has completely shattered to me, and I’m struggling to comprehend how something like this could happen. I love my daughter and have tried my best to raise her alongside my husband as a loving parent. Her biological father went to prison when she was little and I remarried a few years after. He’s known her since she was basically a child.
I never noticed anything unusual between the both of them. They’ve always been fairly close but it wasn’t anything beyond the typical father daughter relationship I thought.
My daughter moved out when she was 18 and my husband would often go visit her. I’d stop by often alone also so it wasn’t strange for him to visit her alone in my eyes.
I’m a teacher, so my days are usually long with grading and lesson prep. But that day, I left early for a doctor’s appointment and got home sooner than usual.
my husband seemed all shocked and strange when I walked in so early. Didn’t think much of it, so I just took a nap. Waking up, he was knocked out beside me, but I couldn’t shake off his weird vibes. Maybe he was planning a surprise, I thought. He’s never broken my trust in the past.
Couldn’t resist snooping, so I peeked at his phone. I saw these crazy messages with my daughter . They were sending explicit images, and my daughter revealed that she’s pregnant. My husband and her were going back and forth, trying to figure out what to do about the baby.
I was sick to my stomach and I had to shake off the urge to attack my husband. I didn’t reveal to him or my daughter that I found out what is going on, I’m just sitting on it and processing everything.
I left home and have been staying at a hotel, my husband is concerned but I just told him I had to go out of town for a little while. I can’t imagine what they’re up to.
Me and my husband have also have a 13yo son together, I don’t know what to do. My son is currently staying with my mother. I told her my husband cheated and asked her to take him in for a little while, I didn’t tell her who he’s cheating with and asked she kept it a secret until I find out what to do.
Please help.
TL//DR: Found out my husband has gotten my daughter pregnant. What do I do?
49 comments
This is horrible, it sounds like the plot of a porno. I guess the most straightforward answer would be divorce his ass. Anyone who can cheat on someone they’ve been married to for so long with the child they helped raise is sick.
I’m so sorry. He was definitely grooming her. I can’t imagine.
I can only recommend finding a good lawyer and therapist. This is so far above reddit’s paygrade.
My suggestion of what this man deserves would get me banned from this site.
I’m sorry you are going through this horrible situation, your husband groomed your daughter, rn all you can do is get a divorce and spend some serious time doing therapy, go no contact with the PoS(unless its related to your son). And figure out your relationship with your daughter in the future, rn you should focus on yourself until you feel stable
Assuming this isn’t fake, your husband is a fucking creep. There’s no way your husband wasn’t abusing and grooming your daughter. He’s known her since she was a child and practically raised her? It’s not fucking normal for him to be attracted to her, regardless of her age. Leave his cheating, disgusting ass.
I’m sorry but your daughter and husband crossed a line they can’t uncross. I would tell both of them they are dead to you. You will never be able to look at your grandchild and not think of the betrayal.
Sounds like you should send a 2nd husband to prison to be quite honest. As for the daughter, no idea. I’m so sorry.
Wow I am sorry this is happening to you.. Even in my worst nightmare this couldn’t happen to me…
The most important thing right now is for you to be comfortable. I’d say focus as much on you and your son. The others two should be dead in your eyes(Easier said than done I know)
Seek therapy, take a week off from work, spend some quality time with you son and mother. This is some real trauma you are going through…
Although…
No one’s talking about the daughter in the comments ? She is also responsible.. And I have no idea how you will salvage you relationship with her… Even if the husband was clearly a predator and might’ve been groomed in the past, she is 20 years old. She definitely hold some parts of responsibility in this situation.
As for the husband if I was to share my thoughts I would be banned from Reddit.
This is beyond Reddit. Professional counseling immediately.
I… have no idea what to say.
Although, I see your daughter as a victim here. Like you said, it’s very likely there was something going on when she wasn’t of age.
I think he definitely took advantage of her naivety from being so young, as well as the bond they had before anything sexual entered into the mix. I’m honestly wondering if he was her first (I am so sorry those words had to come out of my mouth).
I have no doubt he has manipulated her and normalized this kind of relationship with her to the point where she doesn’t see it for what it is but rather what he wants her to see it as. If that makes any sense.
I actually googled “Husband is sleeping with my daughter” and you’d be surprised the amount of search results that came up.
I honestly don’t even know what to say but I wish I could give you the biggest hug in the world and let you ugly cry on my shoulder because I am just so sorry you’re going through this.
I am so fucking sorry.
Thats not an affair. That’s probably abuse, manipulation, grooming
Wow I’m sorry
However this is the content that makes this place my top 3 favorite sub
So sorry to hear this, it’s beyond words f’ed up. Go straight to a lawyer. Try to get exclusive access to the house and have him thrown out. I would communicate only through the lawyers. Work on getting full custody of your son and child support.
I don’t know what to say about your daughter. I would go no contact for the time being.
what in the woody allen
There really isn’t much you can do to their relationship, she is an adult (not sexual abuse) and they aren’t related (not incest), and you simply don’t know if she was groomed, and if she was she might not admit it for his sake.
As for what you should do about your relationship, my gut says simply divorce and strip him bare with infidelity evidence (those messages were a bullseye for evidence, retrieve those asap). With the money and your career in teaching you can still raise your son well.
If he is her adoptive father or guardian you might be able to find evidence of them sexting or sleeping together from before she was 18 in their text messages, if you can find such evidence and given his status as adoptive father, he would be sexually abusing her and age of consent wouldn’t apply. Really, talk to a lawyer before doing anything rash…
Or as someone else said, just cut them out of your life…
Adding on to the your husband groomed your daughter. You need to come to your daughter with understanding and compassion.
There is no way he wasn’t hurting her before she turned 18.
Please don’t forget that your daughter is groomed. She was very possibly even a minor when it started. Do not leave her on her own. I can’t imagine how hard it is but you need to be with her now as he is a serious creep and to be honest, a danger. Please stay safe, call a therapist and a lawyer and take one step at the time
fake
You’re gonna be step mom to your grand daughter and your son will be brother to his niece and this guy will be great uncle and father to his child.
So does that make me my own grandpa?
SWEET HOME ALABAMA.
Dear god tell me this is not true/fake. Enough Reddit for today
You up and left and said “I had to go out of town for awhile” with no explanation? This is fake
Talk to a lawyer!
He is disgusting! He most likely groomed her!
I am so sorry.
This is devastating.
Your husband used his power and age to manipulate and abuse your daughter.
You and she need to get as far away from him as possible and seek both family and individual therapy.
The trauma you’ve both experienced as a result of your husband’s abuse will be incredibly difficult to work through.
Your husband has been grooming her for years. He used you to get close to a child and groom her.
Please don’t blame your daughter. Even if she thinks she made this decision herself, there’s no way she wasn’t influenced by the fact he has power as a father figure and older man over her.
Lmao why do people write this shit, the creative writing exercises on here are so dull
Come the fuck on, people. This shit isn’t fucking real.
The first thing you need to do is meet up with your daughter and find out how long it’s going on and what she wants to do about the pregnancy.
I would clarify to her that he has known her since a small child, and was meant to raise her like a father & your deeply concerned that this has been ongoing with you knowing for a number of years.
Do you want to live at the house? If so, do not leave it. Get him to leave. Get a lawyer asap.
>I caught my husband (44M) having a affair with my daughter (20F) my daughter is now pregnant.
>Her biological father went to prison when she was little and I remarried a few years after. He’s known her since she was basically a child.
Your husband groomed and raped your daughter. Looking at this as an affair is 110% the wrong track to take. Help your daughter gtf away from her abuser and encourage/facilitate the abortion she desperately needs. Divorce, restraining orders and charges if you find out sexual contact started when she was underage
This has to be fake
Wait, so he’s been grooming and or possibly raping her. Because that’s what this feels like. Get yourself and your son out first, then confront her.
When did this subreddit become an outlet for creative writing exercises?
How far back do the pics/msgs go? If they go back to when she’s a minor, then that’s child porn and highly illegal. Definitely see a lawyer. Prob should have copied everything
Gross. I’m so sorry
Lol people without marriage experience be like “GTFO OP immediately”. great advice guys.
On another note. You need to document evidence in the event you need to protect yourself legally. Idk what state you’re in but some states have things in place for stuff like this. Consult an attorney. Because ultimately there may be something more grim that could have been going on for longer than you’d like. It may warrant getting the FBI involved. But before anything you need to speak with an attorney if you are seeking separation or divorce. You are in your right to want to leave the situation and remember that your daughter is a victim here, not an accomplice.
Oh I’m sure Prison Dad has some friends on the outside who wouldn’t mind paying your husband a visit lmao.
he groomed her. I am so sorry. You married a predator. Contact a lawyer. Don’t reveal anything yet.
Get that disgusting creep out of your house. How long has he been having sex with her? This has to be years in the making. Talk to your daughter and make sure she’s alright. Given the ages and the family relationship, I believe she’s a victim, but he might have her convinced that all this was her idea, so be patient with her. It wouldn’t hurt to report him.
I’m sorry you’re going through this.
it’s only 1am for me and that’s enough internet for the day
You have to divorce asap and I’d cut the daughter off
Is your husband Woody Allen?
You need evidence and fast, do not let this sit. I know you are overwhelmed. Do not leave your home ask them to if need be.
Get evidence
Go to an attorney
Get a friend to come over, ask him and your daughter to leave, present what you know and get the baby dna tested asap. Do not sit on this. I am so sorry this happened to you.
This is beyond fake.
You may want to call the authorities. She’s an adult NOW, but chances are he’s been abusing her since she was a minor and I don’t think there’s a statue of limitations on abuse of a minor even if that person isn’t a minor anymore.
DO NOT Let this go. DO NOT keep this secret. Abusers like your ex (I refuse to say spouse) depend on your being ashamed and embarassed. Tell the world. Tell everyone. Hey, if it’s ‘love’ and shit then why the secrecy? I say go scorched earth.
Someone mentioned grooming, which is a possibility.
Talk to your daughter first and confirm she isn’t the victim. Verify and claims though. I would hate for her to take the opportunity to cast all blame onto him. Both are on the wrong if she was a consenting participant.
As a victim of childhood sexual abuse, there is a lot that could have happened under your nose. My mother didn’t know I was being sexually abused until I turned 15. Abusers study your schedule first and then plan around it. A sudden relationship like that doesn’t happen out of the blue. Especially if he has BEEN a father figure in her life since she was a child. Grooming is a slow process. Your daughter will definitely need therapy to help process her trauma. HE should have known better but its clear by how far he’ll go to cover up that he doesn’t care that it’s wrong. Once you’ve cleared your head sit down and have a long private discussion with your daughter. Don’t say anything and let her speak. After GET A LAWYER. If you do find out he was grooming her, file a police report. Because if you don’t he’ll do it again to another little girl.
Haven’t read all of the comments yet but have to disagree with some of the earlier ones absolving the daughter of any fault and wrongdoing.
No matter what, she broke the faith with you as her mother.
Are we to believe that you didn’t instill in her the understanding that she shouldn’t have sexual relations with someone like her stepfather—your husband? She HAD to know that this was wrong. Yet she had relations with him nonetheless.
Severing relations with your husband should be a no-brainer but do you sever relations with your daughter and grand baby? What if she ends up with him post divorce?
And how do you coparenting with someone who cheated on you in such a way? Do you even allow him access to your—HIS—son?
Too many bs stories lately. Lol
This has to b fake
She’s not denying a single comment saying it’s fake.