Is moaning during sex normal when living in an apartment with neighbors?
Met someone who screams a lot during sex. I’ve tried to tell her to be silent but it usually kills the mood for both of us. Like, I’m nagging her during sex, and I’m too concerned about the neighbors instead of being in the moment. I have told her outside of sex time but she says it isn’t intentional, that it’s just what happens to her in the moment.
I have tried sabotaging her pleasure to stop the moaning, like pulling out and saying I was about to cum. I also tried putting my hand over her mouth to stop the noise but she didn’t like it. She also hated being choked…
This is my first time living in an apartment so I have no idea what’s the code of conduct. I haven’t heard a single moan coming from other apartments, but I can hear them speak during the day… So I concluded having silent sex in apartments was the polite thing to do.
Should I let her scream? Should I wait to see if a neighbor complains? Should I stop her immediately? Is she insane for doing this? Is she being an asshole with my neighbors and I? Is it normal for people to have loud sex in apartments?
I really have no idea how to feel and what to do. I don’t want to be a party pooper with her but I also don’t want people in the building to hate me.
6 comments
Did you really just imply that you choked her to keep her quiet?
If the neighbours aren’t complaining let her moan. If they start complaining then do something about it.
Talk to her *outside* of sex. Tell her you’re self conscious or you don’t feel comfortable being loud with neighbours and if she can be a little quieter. Wanting to be considerate of neighbours in an apartment building is a good thing and screaming is a bit much but it doesn’t mean you have to be totally silent so maybe there’s a middle ground?
Choking someone _before_ you ask them if they like it is never ok. You said in comments you just put your hand on her neck “playfully” and then asked if she liked choking but that can be very pressurising. It can feel awkward to say no during sex for fear of killing the mood, and it’s not fair to put her in that position. At any rate you could make someone really uncomfortable and could seem threatening.
“Sabotaging her pleasure” is just childish. I don’t know why you’re so determined to do anything except just talking to her.
My fwb lives in a condo and does not give a fuck. He’ll fuck me hard and let me scream. It’s an expression of pleasure. He loves it.
If you don’t like it, then you can come up with solutions together. Use a ball gag.
As long as it isn’t really late at night I really don’t see any issue with loud moans. Hearing people have sex in a different flat in your building is not exactly uncommon, and I’ve never complained or had a complaint about it.
Make sure you talk to her before blocking up her breathing parts in a serious way. Other than that, Ive had girls bite pillows or clean socks or whatever to muffle themselves. They do this themselves tho, so they can regulate their breathing tho
I’m also very self-conscious about not making other people uncomfortable that don’t wanna hear sexy moans. It might be worth having her fake moan and go in the hall and see how loud it is. That should give you an idea if it’s bad, or if it’s quiet enough to be non-intrusive