This is my first post and I’m on the app and have read from previous post that the format can be a little off so hopefully all is well here it goes….

This past weekend I traveled out of state for a friends wedding a very short visit we arrived Saturday evening and the wedding was Sunday. On Saturday night my mother had our children so my husband and I went to his friends cookout and we were suppose to watch the fight. My husband suggested we leave before the fight and hit up a bar/ karaoke place and I was ok with that due to us never getting out anymore now that we moved out of state and don’t know anyone to babysit. Anywho on the way to the bar he asks a general question not pertaining to us about open relationships. I answered his question and he became upset thinking I was personalizing it however I was not mentioning us. He then says I’m an idiot and this is why he hates me! And wants a divorce( he says this often). Then says he wants an open marriage, but only open on his end meaning he can see other women but I cannot see other men! I told him absolutely not and that if I were to ever agree to something so dumb as an open marriage it would be on both ends! He then says “ he deserves to be able to fuck other women” SMH sir why did you even marry me?! I Ignored him for the rest of the trip pretty much until the wedding where I put on a front so that I didn’t ruin my friends day( I should add he did apologize on the way to the wedding and said he didn’t mean it). I wasn’t going to go the wedding but felt obligated…When we got home he said that the wedding made him realize some things he forgot and he knows what he needs to do but honestly so much trauma has happened since “I do” that I just don’t believe him and don’t think I can be in this marriage anymore. I honestly cannot believe I’m saying this because I love this man so much but it’s clear that he doesn’t love or want a marriage with me because if so we wouldn’t be going through so much in just shy of our 2 year anniversary(together for 10yrs married for almost 2) I just don’t know where to even start with planning a move back to my hometown “SMH” my job ended the end of June and I’m still looking for a new one so I feel sort of stuck, but then there’s my overthinking holding me back also because I took my vows serious and was serious about spending my life with this man plus who can afford a lawyer for a divorce?! Certainly not me right now. It’s just so much to think about because all I took from that conversation is that he’s seeking my approval to cheat.

38 comments

  1. You know what? The fact he keeps saying he wants a divorce when you say something he doesn’t agree with is enough to actually get a divorce.

    Him wanting your consent to cheat? Is just icing on the cake. And frankly? That kind of determination means it’s almost definitely he will anyways… if he hasn’t already

  2. You took your vows seriously. He didn’t. I know the logistics are scary, but start calling around to lawyers and see if you can get a free consultation to talk through your next steps, because there is no point trying to stay in this marriage unless you’re fine with him just doing whatever he wants regardless of how that affects you.

  3. He’s already opening the relationship and was just letting you know.
    Get tested for stds

  4. You know what?

    Let this guy cheat, find out, get evidence, file for divorce and take everything and the kids. He’s a d-bag.

  5. He doesn’t want an “open marriage.”

    It is truly tiresome how many people want to use that phrase to describe their infidelity. I guess it sounds better than “I wanna fuck other people.”

    There’s a greater-than-zero chance he’s already cheated.

    Look. He’s already checked out of this marriage and has one foot out the door.

    Call your family and tell them everything you’ve said here. Do not be embarrassed and do not try to protect him. Tell them how he threatens divorce at the drop of a hat and has said he deserves more sexual partners.

    Ask them to help you.

    Don’t raise your children in a home where their father dislikes their mother and treats her badly. Don’t give your kids that example of what marriage looks like.

  6. Give him the divorce and let him have an open relationship with his right hand ( assuming he’s right handed).

    Also tell him you will hit dating sites and get 10x more options than he will.

    Then bid him farewell and enjoy your life

  7. Rather waste 10 years with the wrong guy then 20 BTW. You only have one life and time is the most precious thing you have.

  8. DO NOT PASS GO. DO NOT COLLECT $200! I don’t find that situation to be sustainable. You need to speak to a divorce lawyer as soon as possible.

  9. He’s already cheating. He just wants to be out in the open with the person. Let him get the divorce. Start shopping lawyers.

  10. I have seen so many posts like this and pretty much every time the guy is already cheating, and basically wants to be able to cheat without worrying about getting caught. The fact that you find it normal for him to tell you he hates you and wants a divorce screams emotional abuse. This is not a good man, you do not need him. It sounds like you have already emotionally checked out, which I cannot blame you for. Look through his phone. Try to collect evidence of an affair. This will help win you more money in the divorce, so you can pay your lawyer and start fresh.

  11. He wants to open the marriage to fuck other women. Babes, start digging as you get your duckies in a row. I bet he’s already cheated.

    You’ve wasted 10 years of your life on this man. Don’t waste the next ten on him.

    Edit to add: you could tell him, you know what? I’ve been thinking a lot about you wanting to open the marriage, and I think that would actually be a really good idea, but if you get to fuck other women, I should be able to fuck other guys. Match his energy.

  14. Absolutely not. Open on both sides or none. He can’t expect you to deal with him being with other women if he can’t handle you with other men.

    Edit: I also agree with other commenters that he has probably already cheated.

  17. He told you that he hates you. Thats enough to know how he feels about you.
    Look after you and your kids and move back to your home town where you have support.
    What a pos

  18. He doesn’t want an open relationship. He wants pre-approval to cheat.

    The question isn’t why he married you, the question is why did you marry him?

    And why do you keep ignore the disrespect and the red flags?

  19. So he says he wants a Divorce (which he does repeatedly apparently).
    Then he says he wants an open marriage (but only for him) “because he deserves it”.

    …..why are you with this clown still?

    I don’t know what you’re looking for here unless it’s approval to hit the looming big red button™ on the wall you seem to be trying to avoid touching.

    Hit it. Like Thors goddamn hammer. Pretend after you do, there’ll be glitter, if it makes you feel better?

  22. How shitty does your marriage and your life have to get before you say enough is enough? Did you read what you posted? If so, would you advise someone who posted this to remain in this marriage?

    At some point, you have to take responsibility for your own misery. You have options out there, but you choose not to take them. I’m more concerned with how your inaction affects your kids and them relating your marriage dynamic to a healthy relationship. If you choose to stay in this marriage, then 15 to 20 years from now, I’m sure we’ll be reading a similar post by one of your children.

  23. How do you trust him at all? Maybe look for a job back in your hometown. Get an std test. Maybe insist on condoms if you intend on sleeping with him again. I’d point blank tell him that whole conversation from him shows a side that you can’t trust. If he really didn’t mean it he’ll have to show you he doesn’t have one foot out the door.

  24. You have one precious life and you shouldn’t waste another second on this loser

  25. I also don’t think you should stay in this marriage with a guy that has most likely cheated on you, throws divorce around like it’s nothing and thinks he deserves to fuck other women while you wait at home with your kids. I suggest getting your kids and moving back to your home state before he can slap you with a court order saying you can’t move with the kids. Then file for divorce. Then he will be free to fuck all the other women he can get.

  26. When a long term monogamous partners asks for an open relationship, end it.

    One of two things has happened:

    1. They have been flirting/talking with another peson to the point that sex is on the table.

    Or

    2. They are already having sex with someone else.

    Neither are acceptable.

  27. >He then says I’m an idiot and this is why he hates me! And wants a divorce( he says this often).

    Grant him his wish then. There’s nothing worth salvaging here.

  28. You both may not be able to afford an attorney, but you may not need one for the entire process. Check out mediation services or alternatives in your state. That would probably be cheaper.

  29. Bro I don’t even need to read the post to know that your husband has already been cheating on you and he wants to open the relationship up so he can be guilt free while doing it with other women.

  30. Girl be serious here. I can’t stand how slow y’all are. He’s already cheating, get a divorce

  31. Lady please get the hell away from him. If he doesn’t want you then kick him out or leave! You can make it on your own and someone can be a friend or lover do not settle for second best!I wish you the best.

  34. Wow. This man doesn’t even like you, let alone love you. Definitely divorce him so he can be free to fuck as many other women as he wants.
    Chances are he’s going to anyhow.

    Also, you don’t necessarily need a lawyer for a divorce so long as you come to agreeable terms for splitting marital property and finances.

  35. Of course, he only wants it on *his* end because he doesn’t want to do the emotional work and manage the jealousy and insecurities that almost inevitably crop up from having an open marriage (even among people who *actively* want to open their relationship).

    > He then says I’m an idiot and this is why he hates me! And wants a divorce( he says this often).

    He’s emotionally abusive.

    > I should add he did apologize on the way to the wedding and said he didn’t mean i

    Yeah, that’s bullshit.

    >is that he’s seeking my approval to cheat.

    He’s already cheated on you. Now he’s trying to make it “legit” by asking for an open relationship. Which does not work because open relationships require trust, transparency, communication, etc. None of which look like something he can be counted on to do.

    Consult a lawyer – many will do free consultations. Try to reduce any extra expenses. Keep looking for a new job.

  36. He either needs to be getting treatment for a mood disorder or you need to be leaving this dead weight behind as you move on with your life.

  37. This post is like complaining about your oven not working while your house is on fire. He’s already cheated on you.

  38. Are you hoping he’ll change? He says he hates you .. I mean what more do you need? Get it together and gtfo ..

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