I grew up being parented by my brother and only recently I have came to the realization that this is why I haven’t been able to make friends. He exposed my insecureties publicly and so I have always felt uncomfortable in every social situation outside of my family. I always tried to hide my true self and this made me dissociate as a teenager.
I stopped going to school and got an autism diagnosis. But really it wasn’t that I didn’t understand social issues, but rather that I tried to avoid them because of a fear of being humiliated all of the time.
It took a while to open up because I stopped going to school because of severe anxiety. I didn’t know I had anxiety and my parents didn’t ask me what was wrong. So now I feel years behind in social skills
2 comments
Sibling abuse is a real thing, as much as any other form of child abuse. I only came to terms with it after a ton of therapy and reading on family dysfunction. What you’re describing sounds exactly like what I’ve experienced.
If you’re being “parented” by your brother, you probably didn’t have a stable, healthy home life, and neither did he. Just know that your feelings are real and valid, and you can be pissed off and distance yourself as long as you need to.
Also a good thing to note is that it’s relative to age, like when my brother was 12, he was “older” and I took what he said seriously, but compare that to how ignorant you were when you were 12. Also understand that kids aren’t cut out for being responsible and supportive of other kids (not to mention a lot of adults), so he was probably in his own stressful, confusing situation. Unfortunately, as a kid who doesn’t know any better, he took it out on you.
If you still live with him and he still makes your life hell, try to move out ASAP. But if he’s changed enough and he’s willing to be cool with you, you can understand and forgive him too.
You have your entire future ahead of you. Wake up each day and decide who you are going to be.
Give yourself time. I became who I am when I was about 34. I opened my eyes, met a bunch of new people who had lived long lives and were getting joy from each day.
I am them now! You can be them too.