So me and my partner have been together for around 13 years, we have 3 children together and we rarely argue and get along well.

We both work full time jobs but we have evenings and weekends together but I do train around five times a week, which I know irritates her sometimes but I have been doing it since before we were together.

So the past few months or so, she has been quite sneaky with her phone which I never noticed before and she talks alot about her boss (she has been at this job for around ten months). I thought it could just be me being paranoid because my mother cheated on my father when I was a teenager so I am not the most trusting person.

Fast forward to last week, we have been on holiday, everything was brilliant and she gets quite drunk one night, nipped off a couple of times for longer than a toilet break, let’s say! Later on, I come back from been with the children and she is on a WhatsApp video call to her boss, it appeared he was on a night out, then the phone quickly went off. I didn’t want to confront her in front of the children for obvious reasons. Later that night, she was flat out and I checked her phone, the WhatsApp call was to her boss, nothing else on messages or the phone log or WhatsApp. Then a snapchat came through(which I don’t use) off him and it said u okay?xxx. He is also the at the top of her snapchat and it says bestie next to it. I don’t know a great deal about snapchat other than it deletes messages straight away.

So, am I been paranoid? I am going to confront her about it because it doesn’t sit right with me. There is no real evidence there but it again it does not feel right. I’m mainly worried about the kids and how they will be. Any advise how to confront her or anything else to do?

33 comments

  1. You’re not being paranoid. Why would the boss be calling her on holiday? If it was work related, she wouldn’t be secret about it.

  2. I think you are right feeling worried. Usually when people are cheating, physical or mentally, it shows. Aware partners notice the small changes.

    You are doing the right thing of confronting her and my advice is to do it carefully and really think it through in beforehand.

    “honey, what is your relationship with this new boss of yours – its seems you communicate a lot in non-working hours” and then take it from there.

    Best to nip it in the bud before they go on a conference or a after work party and stuff get out of hand.

  3. Not paranoid at all. The fact that she immediately hung up her video call as soon as you walked in on her, AND has her boss on Snapchat where he is listed at “bestie” means she is talking to him VERY frequently. I highly doubt it’s work related, unfortunately.

    It’s time to confront her about this. As to how to approach her with this, I’d sit her down and be upfront on what you discovered on her phone. There is no excuse to have your boss on Snapchat unless it’s for unfaithful reasons.

  4. If it looks like a duck and walks like a duck it is a duck. Trust me. I was closing my eyes on my man’s house it’s a female until I straight up saw her sending him butt pics. So yeah. Trust your gut and I am sorry for being blunt.

  5. No, you are not being paranoid. I disagree there isn’t evidence – her behavior has changed and is consistent with something not kosher. Since you have kids, maybe don’t approach as a confrontation. Ask her how things are going at work with the new boss. Give her an opportunity to tell you about her relationship with him without putting her on the defensive. Tbh – I think something is up but don’t go in with that attitude. Start neutral and see what happens. Hoping for a good outcome for your family.

  6. Do confront her. Ask her about her relation with her boss. Try to get her to either spill sth or lie. You know they have very close “friendship” at the very least. Unless she admits to that by herself you should take it as a confirmation of an affair.

    Regardless, tell her that you don’t know what to do, as you don’t want your children to suffer, but you believe she has an emotional affair with her boss. Explain why, should she gets defensive, tell her that you know she is hiding things from you regarding him so you can’t trust her words on that.

    Best case scenario she will be open about their friendship from the start and will be fine with telling you what you want to know and be transparent about their contacts from now on.

    Bad scenario is when she is defensive and essentially demands you to trust her on her words and get over yourself. This might give you some family flashback.

    In the bad case scenario, you should assume at least some emotional cheating is happening, and start to plan how to leave her in the most amiable way. Not that you need to leave her, but you should think about and make it known you are thinking about it. Depending on how she reacts to all this, leaving her may be the only choice. Maybe instead you can resolve things in some way, although if you at any point manage to properly confirm the affair, she needs to quit her job, or you shouldn’t stay with her.

  10. You need to talk there, there can be no doubt. She will need to be 100% transparent, and it’s her job to make you feel comfortable after something like this happens, imho. A wife taking video phone calls from another guy during vacation should have a damn good reason. The fact it was her boss makes it so suspect.

  11. It seems she’s cheating, but I don’t think you have enough to confront her.

    Can you afford a private investigator?

    Are there times where she works late, goes out with random people or takes longer doing running errands than she said she would?

    You need more evidence before you confront her. All she will do now is deny it and hide it better.

  13. This is an emotional affair. You need to firmly nip it right now. No wishy washy trying to be cool.

    Read, Not Just Friends, by Shirley Glass to understand how these become emotional affairs and tip into physical affairs.

    Read the infidelity forums to understand what is going on and how serious it is.

    You should be able to check your cell phone records to see how often this is going on and of photos, etc. are being exchanged. I’d ask to see her phone and then comb through it to understand what is happening. If she says no or tries to delete, then that’s bad.

    I’d ask if his wife would be ok knowing this information. Or work. You have to be willing to blow it up so she knows how serious you are. She needs a new job, too.

  15. I have my boss in my phone as a contact but I rarely contact her unless I have an emergency or work issue. Most we’ve done outside of that is shared the occasional meme that relates to our jobs in some way, but that’s very rare and definitely not on an app that deletes the history or is secretive like WhatsApp or Snapchat.

    She’s hiding something, and there’s probably something going on with her boss that is not related to work.

    At the very least, you need to confront her on this. Something fishy is going on. If it’s not infidelity, it’s something not related to their jobs.

  16. You don’t sound paranoid, but don’t make yourself the enemy when confronting your wife. Use calm language so if she freaks out and tried to make you the bad guy you will be more sure she is deflecting. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

  17. Copy your evidence.

    The xxx is inappropriate.
    Texting on vacation is inappropriate.

    If the boss is married, expose to his wife.

    Exposure kills inappropriate behavior.
    Don’t threaten – expose

  20. Not paranoid. There’s something inappropriate going on here, and it definitely could be an affair. I would gather evidence in your position in case you need it for a divorce/custody.

  23. Yes. She’s cheating.

    * drunk phone calls to her boss on holiday? Lol OK.

    * multiple chat apps? Why does he need that much access

    * secret with her phone?

    Yep I’d bet money on it. Btw you should leave over this. Ain’t no reason a man ever puts up with cheating.

  25. If you can start gathering evidence. When you get home speak to a lawyer before confronting her so you have advice on what works best for you.

    You’re not being paranoid. There are too many red flags.

  26. The snap message with kiss kiss kiss on it is pretty damning. Also snap only deletes messages now if you have it set that way

  31. Rather than confronting her, I suggest retaining a PI. It is simply the most reliable method available to confirm or disprove if a spouse is being unfaithful, as to be unfaithful, they have to be WITH the other person.

    They’ll never know that they were surveilled, and will only know it when you have photographic evidence that will qualify as evidence in family court.

    I wish you well.

  32. She will most likely deny and gaslight you. You really need to collect more evidence of inappropriate communication.

    Also, if you confront, they may take things further underground.

    Install a VAR in her car or other places she has conversations. Be sure you have an app that tracks her GPS. Start trying to find out more information about her boss, like does he have a spouse. You can do all these things in a short amount of time, so you might consider doing this first before confronting her.

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