(I have bipolar disorder and bpd)
I (28M) have a best friend (24M) whom I’ve been talking to online for a little over two years now. He’s also my fp. The beginning of our relationship was hot and we had immediate chemistry. I’d literally choose to stay awake til past 4am every night JUST to talk to him, even though I had work the next day. I split on him all the time and he has been consistently patient. Fast forward a couple years and the fixation is still kind of there, but it’s less intense. I don’t know if he’s necessarily my fp anymore (or maybe he is and I don’t realize it). I can go more than a couple hours without panicking if he doesn’t reply to me immediately. Anyway, I can’t stand the fact that he talks to other people. I get so viscously angry and jealous whenever I find out he’s been chatting with other friends of his. I constantly think: “I’m his best friend, shouldn’t I be the one to get most of his attention??” “If he’s talking to other people as much as me, why am I even here?” “I like him more than he likes me” ect. I’m also the master at self sabotaging and I don’t know how to stop. I constantly confront and pick fights with him about this. It literally happens at least once every 1-2 weeks. It’s exhausting for both of us and I don’t know how to fix my brain. What has helped you in this scenario? I plan to schedule with a therapist as soon as I can but it won’t be until a few weeks when my work schedule opens up. Thank you for taking the time to read and respond.
2 comments
friendships grow when we give them space to breathe.
Therapy and acknowledging that you have a problem are great starts. I’d suggest making time for the therapist asap. If you really can’t spare the time for an hour long appointment there are therapists that only prescribe meds. You could tell them your problems and see what they’d recommend.