When my coworker(F, 20s) started working with me(F, 20s) almost a year ago, I introduced myself first on a day I was feeling unusually outgoing. We had a little friendly intro convo. One day after some months, she started saying hi to me on her own, and from then on she’s said hi to me first practically every day even though I never say hello first (I’m painfully shy). Usually since I never say hi to anyone first, 99% of people give up on me and stop greeting me. But she hasn’t. It’s almost as if she makes a point to notice me and say hi to me pretty consistently.
Over the time we’ve worked together, I’ve tried striking up a convo with her like twice. And she’ll talk to me, and she’s sweet to me. I remember while I helped her clean up a spill at work I asked her how her day was going, she said it was okay and asked me back. I told her I was stressed, and she actually asked why which caught me off guard since most people don’t seem to care.
But the whole time we’ve been coworkers she’s never tried to strike up a conversation with me back. We just keep our interactions at “hello.” So I just give space because if she just wants to say hi and not talk to me, that’s ok. I don’t want to be annoying. But I can’t read situations very well so idk if I’m overthinking it.
She seems pretty introverted and quiet like me, and for the most part I’ve seen her keep to herself, but she does have work friends that she talks to also sometimes and will walk up to them and talk to them.
Should I interpret this as she doesn’t want to be friends and is just saying hi? Should I not try to have conversations with her again?
**Tl;dr** I can’t tell if my coworker saying hello to me first every day for the past like 6 months is an invitation to talk to her or not, because she does not ever initiate conversation with me even though I’ve initiated convos with her before. All we ever do is say hello to each other pretty much.
3 comments
It seems like your coworker might be interested in maintaining a friendly relationship with you, considering she consistently greets you first
However, since she hasn’t initiated conversations, it can be challenging to determine her level of interest in deeper connections
Perhaps you can try engaging in more casual conversations to gauge her response and see if she reciprocates.
Hello.
It may be weird, but if you actually want to speak to her more, try saying that to her. Maybe along the lines of hey, I enjoy speaking to you, would you want to speak to me outside of work?
You can be as plain as that, or expand that into something like asking to go for lunch some time.
If you feel there is some form of connection, it probably exists.
If she is not feeling the same, there is nothing wrong with asking. And a bit of clarification will help.
Just keep in mind there is nothing wrong with her not being interested, and you should maintain a casual acquaintanceship no matter the conclusion.
One final angle is if you feel you cannot maintain the current situation after the fact, maybe you should hold off and work out a better understanding of yourself.
Try not to stress, all is well and you are more than good enough for anyone out there.
You’re coworkers, not socialites. Let her do her job, I hate it when people assume I’m there for social hour. Gone are the days of the water cooler and if she’s in her 20s she’s just trying to work and get out of there. It’s a job, don’t expect too much from people