Is it really that uncommon to not have any friends?

34 comments

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3. It’s what you define a friend as:

   From what I’ve seen, people with “lots of friends” consider everyone they are friendly with, as a friend.
   Those with fewer friends, typically put the bar for “real” friendship a lot higher.

   Neither are wrong it’s just what you call it.

   I know a lot of people i would share a pint with, a lot of people I enjoy spending time with.
   But few who I would call at 1am with a problem.

   Do I have lots of friends or very few?

4. Im in the same boat and as I grow older its because I am becoming a bitter and twisted man but hey ho, people suck so im better kept away

5. I have the opposite problem. I’ve got best friends I’ve kept since childhood, could turn up at their door with nothing and they’d take me in. Genuine love. I’m good at making friends.

   Can’t get a woman to stick around though. There’s just always something wrong.

6. I used to have several groups of friends, left to travel, settled in another country for a few years and recently returned, everyone said can’t wait to see you and only 5 people have bothered to see me for a couple of hours in 15 months. Tbh, I feel i don’t have friends and desperately trying to make new ones, using apps but to no avail. It’s lonely. Everyone else seems to have friends but I don’t.

7. It seems like a common-ish thing for people who consider themselves friendless to also be married? How does that happen? Not judging, just curious – if you’re able to socialise enough to form a relationship, it just seems odd to me.

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9. I have two people I would call proper friends. One from uni and one from an old job. Both live miles away, so see each other once or twice a year, but in fairly regular WhatsApp contact.

   Lots of work “friends”, but they tend not to last past changing jobs. Having lots of friends is high maintenance and I just can’t be bothered to be honest.

10. I’m in the exact same boat, I thought for a moment that I wrote this. I moved to the US 5 years ago too, so I can’t even just pop over to my parents house. I’m 32 and the loneliness is depressing.

11. i copied and pasted this from another of my comments but i want to share here:

    i technically lost my friends after year 6 since the fun stuff was basically gone in high school, no playgrounds or scrap to play with, just walking around in a field or on concrete, since im autistic i find it hard to keep up with other people, i even had (and still do now) ear hypersensitivity so i could not be under bells even with ear defenders provided by the school, due to this i had to eat lunch in a special room with few kids from all years (until years 9-11 where i sat alone outside due to covide not allowing that room to happen)

    i also could not wander around certain areas of the school since this PE shed had a loud, faulty alarm that would beep every minute that took years to fix so i guess i just lost interest in friendship, everyone would go around this shed since its in the main field/astro where everyone goes at lunch but technically im still friends with them, just rather them walk to me (this almost never happened) than i walk to them,

    in PE the teacher would always (for some reason) put me with the exact same people, at least everyone still cared for me as i got loads of signings on the last day of year 11 so even if i dont interact with them, they still loved me
    forgot to say i finished the exams this year and im now going to college where they have no constant alarms (except for a quick weekly test), my high school has a sixth form but still id rather go somewhere more confortable (the bells in the sixth form also go off during the normal day)

12. You are not at all weird! From what you say you have perfectly acceptable social skills but just are not that inclined to be the initiator of a social group.

    Quite likely there is one (or more) people in your social circle who would be perfectly happy to go for a drink with you – if you just asked! But if you don’t feel like doing so and don’t miss it, that’s fine.

    If you sort of want to, but can’t quite do so, just take your courage in your hands and do it. What is the worst that can happen?

    If, and this is possible, you feel odd/uncomfortable going out without your wife – talk to her about it! Chances are she won’t mind!

    Personal view and experience – even being as you are, social interaction is a good long term investment in health of all kinds. It doesn’t have to be a huge group, or riotous partying, just whatever works for you as interesting and satisfying company.

13. Its becoming more common.

    Theres even a term for it “the friendship recession”.

    People are making less friends, and losing them quicker. Men seem to be effected more than women.

    [relevant video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VpOan0hqdNA&ab_channel=BigThink)

    Its a problem with many causes, and to be frank people should make more effort to see and keep their friends (advice i should really follow as well).

14. I have some friends who I think alot of and care about dearly. What’s sad is that I see them as besties but they have other best friends. If an event came up I’d ask them before they’d ask me if it was the other way round.

    I’d like to make some more friends as when you get older people go through paths in life and settle into relationships. Naturally you go different ways.

15. I have about two people I consider friends (IE. People I can rely on), and everyone else as casual acquaintances. I’m pretty social, but by the time you reach 30 everyone around your age is generally settled into their own friendship groups, married etc.

16. My husband is the same and he’s the loveliest person I know

17. I have two, my dad and my dog. Literally the only ones I talk to, I hate it so much. I’m so so lonely but have extreme social anxiety, 10+ years of therapy did no help at changing how painfully shy I am.

18. It’s not weird and you’re not alone on this. I can probably count on one hand who I consider friends but I don’t think I have any close friends tbh – only really people I ‘catch up with’ every few months or so.

19. I’m in a similar boat. I think it’s harder to find friends as an adult because most people build their social networks when they’re younger and don’t tend to stray too far outside their circle. I didn’t have many close friends at high school and also struggled to fit in at college/university. I suffer from social anxiety too and find it hard introduce myself and take the first step.

    I have online friends that I get on with but no-one that I could really confide in or share my problems with. For the most part I do ok. I have a few hobbies that I’m passionate about like reading, playing instruments, gaming etc, but it can be a little isolating. I kind of feel as though I’ve missed the boat.

20. I have 104 friends

21. Im 20 and have barely any friends 🙃

22. I think it’s more common for us Brits to not have close friends. My wife is a yank and she really struggled with the cultural difference when it comes to friendships over here. All her closest friends are immigrants too. Apparently we aren’t great at opening up and building close friendships in adulthood.

    Anyway, I’ve got a couple of close mates and do the odd thing with work colleagues. Few ‘football friends’ groups for just playing 5 a side with. Not anyone I hang out with every weekend.

23. I don’t find not having friends strange at all, my wife is like that, she doesn’t make friends easily and it takes her ages to warm up to people but to me it’s part of her charm. I’m a guy who has lots of friends but only about 9-10 of them are close friends, as in would put me up if I needed a place to stay or help me out with money.

24. This really depends on your definition of friend.

    I’m a 34F and live in a different town to all my “friends”. I have nobody to call to go out for a drink with. I don’t have any work friends (my choice – I keep work and personal life separate). I don’t even really have someone I could call in the middle of the night with an issue.

    I do have my partner of 7 years, I have his friends who I could call (they live in our town), my best friend is dependable but 250 miles away and we only see each other once a year. Lately I’ve really felt like I could use someone to go for a pint with but I haven’t a clue how I would go about making that friend. Realistically, if I went to the pub then it would just be men sat there and I’m not sure it’s a good idea to befriend random men in a pub as a female.

25. I’m exactly the same OP. I’m currently planning a wedding and have none of my own friends to invite. It’s either family or my fiancées friends who are my friends too but I’d never hang out with them on my own.

    I’d never really thought about this deeply until I was faced with trying to find a best man. I find it difficult to know when/if someone is a friend, acquaintance or just someone passing through my life. Think it stems back to childhood and moving around a lot.

26. You sound like me. I keep work colleagues at arms length and all my out of work friends are because of my wife. I enjoy their company but I have very little in common with them. I don’t have any true “mates” as such and tbh I have wondered over the years if it’s healthy but, the thing is, im happy and I highly doubt I’ll gain a so called ‘bestie’ anytime soon, so. The real question is, Does that bother me? Nah, people get on my nerves.

27. I’m the same. I keep it that way. People are inherently selfish so I’d rather have acquaintances than close people. I also don’t have the inclination to put the effort into fostering a friendship. If I’m honest I prefer animals 😆

28. Yep I got pretty much no friends anymore. I stopped drinking and doing drugs is the main reason tho.

29. I don’t have any friends, besides my partner who is my best friend apart from anything else.
    I don’t consider myself to be particularly introverted, but I so often find myself thinking “I can’t be bothered” when faced with a potential social situation. Besides, I don’t think I could afford to have a friend. You go out with your friend to do…what? Drink? Have you seen the price of a pint these days? God I sound like a right old miser

30. Why do you think we’re all on Reddit?…

31. I don’t really have any friends. One that I’ve known since a teen that I see every couple of months, but that’s it. I don’t have a ‘best friend’.

    I’m really socially awkward around people I don’t know. It makes me quiet and nervous, and I don’t know how to do the whole small talk thing. It frustrates me because I’m nice and I like people, but it makes it difficult for people to get to know me.

    When I started working in an office, someone I ended up friendly with told me she thought I didn’t like her at first because I didn’t talk to her much, so she thought I was being stuck up. In reality, I didn’t talk to anyone much at first because I struggle to join in on conversations with people I don’t know. My way of getting to know and feel comfortable with people is by observing the group and listening to people chatting. Once people get to know me, they tend to like me and understand I was just shy at first. The problem is finding the right social situations that give people enough time to realise I’m quiet initially, but if they’re willing to put the effort in and lead the conversation then, once I’m comfortable around you the resting bitch face disappears and I can form sentences and smile and joke and everything 😂

    I also work from home now, which I really like (because, pjs 😏), but I no longer have the social aspect of work.

    I’m mostly fine with not really having friends, but sometimes it bothers me. There have definitely been times in life that I’ve felt incredibly lonely, and it does concern me when I think about the possibility of growing old with no friends around. Lonely people die faster, apparently 😬

32. Loneliness is a huge issue in the uk . I was super lonely and depressed when I lived there , so yes I barely had any interactions aside from work. And when I had them they were super shallow.
    I thought this was a “me” problem but after leaving uk and being honest to a few people they opened themselves and mentioned being in the same situation

33. When I was a little kid, I had a best friend called Ben, then one day he just stopped coming around.

    It really confused me. I stopped making friends after that for a long time. I thought I was just not great or something. For five or six years.

    Many years later I was told by my mum that Ben died. Brain clot thing. Bam. No warning. His mum never really got over it. My parents thought it was too scary to tell me.

    I know that’s not quite on topic, but you made think of it, and I haven’t really discussed it with anyone, and it felt like the time.

34. Bro you at least have a wife 😂
    I don’t have friends that I could go out with (or at least not in this country) and I don’t have a girlfriend 😂😭