I was talking to this guy for a week and I know its gonna sound insane like I have menatl issues but he was special ok the only one I ever connected to on an app like that…and he said the same to me. We talked all day everyday about everything including trauma and family issues which obvisley made us feel close as well normal things. Maybe I wasnt in love but I think i was starting to fall for him. But he ghosted me and it shattered my heart he disnt even say I’m not interested anymore. Tbh he had a fair reason…..I just ended my past situationship 2 days to matching with him and I told him I wanted to get tested for stds first just to make sure before meeting him…..I thought I was being responsible but the thought that I might have something turned him off so much he ghosted me. He was special I dont talk to others on the app like that the convo is more surfacey. But regardless it seems most or alot of ppl just jump into a new realtionship every few months and idk how ppl can do that without having their heart ripped out. Maybe it’s me but I dont feel safe with anyone so I only let a select few even know me for real I guesse so when things end (even by my choice) it hurts so much. I dony understand ppl who date 20 or 30 ppl? Like do u not open ur heart just hang as friends and hook up then walk away? I feel like those ppl have their guard up and never open up till like the 3rd month or something?
8 comments
There are different answers to 2 different questions and has nothing to do with the other.
First question was why he ghosted you and didn’t want to continue, has nothing to do with being able to move on without breaking anyone’s heart, because his heart wasn’t in it and doubt you even connected physical and emotionally. He saw the redflags you were very open about, and he found someone with fewer or no issues to spend time with.
Second question about moving on from partner to partner in a few months without getting your heart ripped out. It’s situational but also biological as Men bond with Vasopressin vs. Oxytocin are hormones that bond people together. Vasopressin is a calming and familiar feeling of home and safety that comes from a relationship that becomes relaxing and effortless after over months or years to develop with someone. Oxytocin is the love high that comes with attraction that gives you nervous energy and passion which effects women more than men. Men don’t have that love high as much, but before meeting and approaching, they get that anxiety, but after they get comfortable the Oxytocin decreases and Vasopressin develops that loving committed feeling when they been with someone for a year or more.
So to answer that question, men don’t bond and have their heart broken until over a year with someone where as women get their heart broken within days or weeks of having that Oxytocin nervous energy giving them that love high, and hurts more when it ends quickly than after their emotions settle down and honeymoon phase is over.
It all seems so complicated to me.
If you have a heart like mine it’s impossible my friend! CDB
I don’t get this either. I’m (M) and I cannot understand how anyone turns off feelings or anything just like that. Even after a few months or weeks.
I can only say, like the above, it is because they aren’t in it from the beginning maybe?
It’s not going to be easy for us to understand how others think about emotions or dating in general.
I’ve tried and only become very frustrated.
I’ve currently got heartache from a <3 month casual. And it’s been a month since the ending. So men do get hurt easily too.
Well to be fair you met on an app
I think people date casually specifically BECAUSE they’ve gotten their heart broken or are at least afraid to. As a result, they become closed off to more deep connections and just pursue the physical aspect. It isn’t something I can relate to but I can see how one might end up there after one or more horrible heartbreaks.
Different people are wired differently, I think. And I suspect some have been through so much crap in the dating world that they grow used to it or something? I dunno, it’s not really something I’d be able to do.
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