Im 18 turning 19 in a month. I will be going into my second year of university in about 2 months. I feel very shitty right now. I see people talking about how much they miss their teenage years and stuff, and it makes me feel so hateful for myself as I really want to go to house parties and have friends to go out and do things. During my teen years i was always very shy and kept to myself so i didnt really go to any house parties. On top of this, COVID happened when i was 16-17 so i missed out on those years too and only gave more an excuse to stick to myself more. I have friends i talk to still on Discord who have been my friends since secondary but we all go different unis and we only really play video games all day which isnt what i want to be doing.
During my first year of uni i was fairly isolative and didnt make many friends. On top of this, i didnt go out a whole lot. I know feel so depressed that i missed out on going to house parties and whatnot during my teenage years. While ill still be a teenager at 19, it is my last year and i have a lot of pressure on myself to do so. I really want to make lots of friends and go to house parties and such next year, but whenever there are people in a social setting i just for some reason close up and dont really conversate, only to hate myself hours after for not making much of an interaction or having a very short lived conversation. I think i have social anxiety or something of that sort because i feel so alien and not normal. On top of this, im not sure where to make said friends either. There are societies at my uni but there arent really any that peak my interest. I am unsure what to do and i have spent most my summer holidays dreading (but also sort of look forward to) my second year. It doesnt help i have a lot of academic pressure since im doing an engineering degree, but i want to be a lot more social this year i just dont know how. I really need any sort of help right now. Thank you.