I have a feeling i’m not the typical audience for this subreddit but anyway, I would like to ask a question to the people with social anxiety or those who struggle in social scenarios.
I’m quite an outgoing person. I like talking and engaging with people, bringing people together, inviting people into conversations etc.
So I was on a 3 day 2 night dive course a few weeks ago. There was a main saloon on the boat with 2 big tables and there were about 20-25 of us in total. I was sitting at one of the tables chatting with my instructor and a girl doing the same qualification as me, but noticed a couple people at the same table not saying anything but still listening. At this point we were the only 5 at the table, others were napping on the other one or sitting outside or in their cabins etc. It was very quiet. We reached a point where I could’ve made a comment or asked a question to continue the discussion but instead decided to ask the name of one of the guys who wasn’t saying anything because I’d made eye contact with him a few times but hadn’t talked to him or seen him talk with many other people on the trip so far (and for context this was the second day). He was very shy at first but I asked him about the degree he was studying and the 5 of us ended up having a 3 hour discussion just about marine science. It was probably one of the most insightful and all-round interesting conversations i’ve ever had.
I often find introverts are the most talkative because they finally get a chance to express their interests that they’d fear getting judged for in other situations (i.e when they bring up the topic rather than someone else asking about it first). Is that the case or is there another reason?
I guess my general question is: In these kinds of situations where you are listening to a conversation but not really involved yet, do you like to be directly addressed? Do you want to be asked questions and invited in or is it more comfortable to listen and chip in when you want to? Is it intimidating to try and join a conversation when you have to introduce yourself first? What would the best approach be?
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Cant really speak for all introverts, but in my own personal experience when it comes to conversations at times i do want to be directly addressed because i honestly do not know when to jump in and i do not want to be rude and cut other people off when they’re talking. But sometimes, there are certain conversations that i can’t participate in and do not fully understand, such as football conversations, I’m more knowledgeable with Rugby.
So i think it really does depend on the topic of the conversation. But either way, i think it would be good to check in with the person to see what they’re comfortable with, i just think everyone is different.
I don’t really think I care about being judged. I just anticipate not having anything to talk about with most people and/or people not wanting to hear what I have to say.
Most of the time, I don’t like when people try to make me talk, whether it’s introductions or anything else. It’s not about the types of things you’re asking here, though. It’s more so the person, their vibe, whether or not they come off as trying too hard or if they seem genuine, etc. Sometimes, I don’t actually want to be where I am, either, so I’d rather just get it over with and get out. I’m pretty much never going to “chip in,” regardless.
I think you’re asking about things where it depends on the person and that this is not something you can control or find a single approach that works with everyone. You’re also making the classic mistake of equating being an introvert to having social anxiety and/or struggling in social situations. Not the same things.
I think it’s important to approach introverts in a way that makes them comfortable
Some introverts may appreciate being directly addressed and invited into the conversation, while others may prefer to listen and chip in when they feel ready
It’s always best to respect their boundaries and let them decide how and when they want to participate.
Speaking for myself only here. It is intimidating to join in because I’m unsure if I’m wanted in the conversation. I usually assume people don’t want me to join in and I’d be intruding. I love it when someone purposely asks me questions or tries to get me involved. That and actually listening and responding to what I’m saying. The few people that do these I’ll always remember and be grateful for.
Just wanted to chime in to say that, despite widespread belief, **being introverted =/= being shy/having social anxiety**. Though you certainly can be/have both. If you think of your social needs as a battery, being introverted basically means draining that battery’s energy with each social interaction, while an extrovert recharges it. And being absent from social contact does the reverse.
For me, personally, god no, please don’t include me I’m perfectly happy that I’m keeping it together just standing here and listening.
For others it can be extremely helpful, unfortunately there’s not really a correct answer I’d think.
It’s nice to be polite though and you’re already working through it so I’m sure you’ll figure out the best combination over time.
Something that has not been addressed here so far is, at least in my personal case, I often do not feel I have much to contribute to the conversation, and I tend to stumble on my words when the spotlight is on me. When I’m in a familiar setting I can communicate just fine. Between being an introvert and my battery being dead, social anxiety, and I guess you could call it stage fright, it’s typically easier to just refrain from conversation. However! In situations where I’ve been able to observe for awhile and allowed to feel “comfortable” I would certainly be grateful for being asked to participate. Much easier than interjecting when I’m not sure if I’m wanted. Thanks for asking about this.