M30 here. I’ve seen this women in 2019. We went to some community college type school before and knew us but lost contact for a while. We then seen each other on Tinder, liked each other and decided to hang out. We met at her place, drank a lot to the point we both were very drunk and we talked about lots of things like how we both are depressed, though my depression was mild compared to hers I guess. In the end we ended up in bed and had sex. She gave me a bj and we had sex for a few minutes until my dick stoped working. Was the first time it happened for me and I felt extremely bad about it. We kept in touch after that encounter.
Around 2 months later we met again at her place. This time with another male friend from the same community college though he left after a while. We both kept drinking after he left and again ended up sleeping in bed though I guess this time sex wasn’t planned. Though I still felt bed about my dick not working last time so I started touching and massaging her. She didn’t mind and I kept going. I then started going to her private parts and she was moaning. She was moaning but after a while she started getting up and screaming at me that I can’t do with her as I please. I froze and stopped and basically kept quiet until I passed out from the alcohol. She left the room for a while but I noticed that she got back into bed after a while.
The next morning I woke up first and tried to stay quiet and sneak out. I felt guilty and my headache didn’t make thinks better. I guess at the time I wasn’t mature enough to stay and talk with her about it. I also had very toxic friends at the time which shaped my personality back then. She woke up though and I just apologized and went home. We didn’t communicate much since then. I told my best friend about it but he just said that I should forget about that stuck up b*tch. I’m not friends with him anymore.
I still feel guilty about that. Did I r*pe her? Or was it sexual assault?
2 years ago I started following her on insta and she followed me back but I haven’t messaged her. She doesn’t have any pictures on it besides her profile picture.
This guilty feeling has been following me ever since, along 2 relationships and my current relationship. Should I message her and talk to her or just leave her alone? She had a insta story last yeah where she was at some anime convention with some woman. I know she’s Bi so maybe she’s in a relationship now and I should just leave her be?
4 comments
I mean, you weren’t just some random guy, and you stopped when she asked, so I wouldn’t say it was sexual assault
Maybe some prior bad experience triggered her?
Or maybe she changed her mind after she got into it and decided she didn’t like that you were initiating sex and it made her feel used?
But I wouldn’t say it was assault, per se
Def not SA so I think that you should just leave it be and forget, cause she probably has, unless you want smth with her but you might be heading for a pretty awkward experience then
With your description, I don’t think it’s necessary to dwell on the past, she may have a new life and I think you should need to have a new life as well. It’s good enough that you didn’t force it when her body reacted with refusal, I guess you were assuming that both parties agreed, it’s not your fault.
I wouldn’t say SA, but I hope your behaviour has changed to the point where you get consent before trying to initiate sex.
That has to be the takeaway from this for me – get consent. Always. Especially when you’ve been drinking.