I(f16) and my bf(m18) have been dating for about 2 years. He’s christian and i am not, but i respect his beliefs and let him pick whatever religion he feels most drawn and comfortable with. he’s tried to force me into christianity multiple times and always brings up heaven and hell and how we won’t see each other if i believe in my religion (i’m hellenic polytheist). that i’ll be tortured and burned over and over again. i’ve asked him to not bring up religion around me because it makes me uncomfortable and he agrees that he’ll stop, but then he’ll bring it up over and over and over again every single day. i told him to stop bringing it up or else it may cause us to break up and he threw a tantrum and said “i’m just trying to share my jesus with you”. it bothers me so much.
i do not want kids. maybe it’s because i’m young, but i don’t want kids. i’ve never wanted children ever since i was little little. he comments that children are a way to bring us close to god and that we should get married as soon as i turn 18 so we can have sex for the first time and get pregnant. i don’t want to wait until marriage but i respect that he does, but he constantly says that i’m going to miss out if i don’t wait until i’m married to him specifically. he also comments that my sexuality is going to send me to hell, that being anything but cishet is wrong and a disgrace to our heavenly father. like what…? again, i respect his religion but i feel like he doesn’t respect me as a person all the time. i’ve always struggled with sexuality and gender and i feel like i can’t be open with my partner about it. i also kind of feel like he’s waiting until i’m 18 to rush into marriage, which i’m not comfortable with. i don’t really even want to be married because i don’t like feeling trapped (which he makes me feel all the time).
TW for sa. he also brings back a lot of trauma from a previous relationship where i was sa’d. he begs me to tell him in detail what another person did to me, how it felt, how many times it happened, etc. i’ve told him no and that i don’t want to talk about it anymore and he won’t stop pestering me until i finally talk about it. i’ve tried to break up with him on multiple occasions and he tells me no. he’ll reach out to my family and tell them i’m being childish and dramatic, he always convinces them that i’m in the wrong. he’s kind of made me lose all my friends and is somewhat controlling, i can’t even facetime my best friends without him having to be in the room. i don’t know what to do
TLDR: my bf is kind of controlling about religion, my friends, my sexuality, and marriage. he won’t let me leave or break up with him
37 comments
Dude sounds fucking crazy. Dump him.
This is an abusive relationship. The way he manipulates the situation every time you want to break up? Controls your communications with friends and family? You need to get away from him before it gets worse, and it will.
One of the biggest things I ever use to combat aggressive religion is that God loves everyone, no matter who they are. There are certain sins that may be harder for people to forgive but His love goes further than our comprehension. Your gods and your afterlife are just as valid to believe in, just like any religion it’s an understanding of how to live your life the best you can and not become a helpless mess every time you think about death. Now, I’m a transgender woman and I’m proud to be Catholic. Any religion should encourage its followers to accept people for who they are. If you bring up how it makes you uncomfortable and he continues to do it, that’s emotional abuse, not religious discipleship. Just be aware of the difference and don’t let him control you.
But other than that… yeah, no, break up and find someone more compatible. Maybe use some of what you’re learning here as a screen for any next relationships — religion & kids, I think, are a must, to get to the first date.
You are dating a psycho, leave. Run. Far away.
“I’ve tried to break up with him on multiple occasions and he tells me no.”
….c’mon, you know how bad this is. You know it’s terrible. You need people to believe in you and your views and tell you you’re right about this.
YOU ARE RIGHT ABOUT THIS.
There is literally NOBODY who gets to be that controlling of you without your consent.
His attitude and actions change or you leave. There’s no middle ground there when you’ve already talked to him about it and he ignores your genuine concerns.
You don’t need his agreement in order to end this and you absolutely *should* end it. If your parents are no help, reach out to a teacher you trust or a friend’s parents .
This is abusive. He is abusive.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Break up ASAP.
Bro just break up. Religion or not hes an asshole. And you’re 16. Way more fun to be had in life instead of arguing over heaven and hell.
Ok. You tell him one time you’re breaking up, block him on all media, and if your family lets him near…call the police. Report him for harassment and let them know he’s an adult and you’re a minor.
He doesn’t have to agree, you simply tell him that you don’t want to see him anymore and hang up. Block him. Don’t open the door if he comes to your house. If your family invites him over, leave. If he continues to bother you report it to the school.
Your last sentence says it all: *he won’t let me leave or break up with him*
He is not “kind of controling”, he is extremely controlling and does not respect you in the least tiny bit.
Get rid of this guy, OP. You deserve to be with someone who wants you to be more than a baby machine.
Won’t let you dump him? He doesn’t have a choice! Finish with him and don’t agree to have him back. He is unable to respect your opinions or boundaries which is really worrying. You need to move on. Tell your family about what he’s doing so he’s not able to hide behind the good guy act with them.
Yea this dude is yikesville. You need to leave him.
>I’ve tried to break up with him and he just said no
Sounds like you didn’t break up with him hard enough. Block him. Cut contact. Tell your family that he pushed your boundaries and made you uncomfortable. Push back against any family who try to guilt you back into your relationship.
This is *your* life. You don’t have to give it to someone who can’t respect you.
Get your family involved and break up
Just break up with this piece of shit. He is abusive and is using HIS religion to abuse you. Just end it.
“Religion is peace”
“You will burn in hell”
I love religious people lol
You won’t burn in hell, but you will burn in this relationship. So do yourself a favor and cut the ties now.
Won’t “let you leave”? Ending a relationship only takes one of you. Tell him to fuck off.
I just read another comment that said to have a trusted family member with you when you break up–DEFINITELY do that.
more conservative fundie christians pick em young, dude you gotta run like yesterday. theres plenty of fish and youre still a kid
Talk to a supportive adult about how to talk to your family. I don’t think they know what is really going on, otherwise they wouldn’t listen to him. Then break up with him by text or email and block him. He has lost the privilege of a kind and in-person breakup.
Dam RUN you are not compatible and he sounds controlling.
This is clearly NOT the kind of man you want to or should be with.. sounds toxic on so many levels and he has some issues that he needs to deal with before he can be in a healthy, functional relationship. It seems to me that you know you aren’t meant to be with him. At this point you’re wasting your time, and time is extremely valuable.
This is abuse and you should leave now as it’s in the early stages.
https://www.thehotline.org
Nothing worse then someone that pushes religion onto people. Also you are 16… you have lots to learn and lots to experience. If you already have these issues in a relationship at this age… it’s time to go solo or find someone to experience and grow up with.
Break up with him he sounds like a dick
Dump him block his number go to a tea her and tell them if you need to. Dont talk to him or call him. Express to your pare ts that you do t want to see him and you need their support.
This is abuse. I am so sorry.
He has plans for you that have nothing to do with what you want. And he wants marriage specifically to trap you. He’s already isolating you.
You don’t need his permission or his input to break up with him. You just do it. If he’ll make it difficult doing it face to face, don’t do it that way. Refuse to see him. Reach out to your friends for help.
Being non-cis will send you to hell but being an abusive manipulator is the path to heaven? What a hypocrite. Best of luck OP you are so much better off without him
Your boyfriend is manipulating the fuck outa you. He wants to turn you into his ideal version of a wife which you obviously don’t want to be. He does not respect you. He’s trying to scare you into being Christian with hell and scare you into marriage with him. Break up.
Record and file away every instance of him being abusive (because that’s what he is).
Break up with him over text, don’t reply to anything he says & don’t pick up your phone, do not let him talk you into anything. If he asks “what’s wrong with me”, hand him the list and block him.
If he tries to come to your house or accost you in person, call the police. Stalking and harassment is a crime in most countries and you have proof of him abusing you.
He’s tried to isolate you but you said you have some best friends still, right? Tell them what’s happening, ask them if they can tell an adult they trust, on your behalf. There has to be an adult with half an ounce of sense in them *somewhere* around you.
Let as many people as possible know what’s happening!! The more that people know, the fewer chances for your boyfriend to get away with…something horrible if he takes that route.
Finally, you should care about people’s religion and spirituality. It is one of those “big” things that can make or break relationships, like opinions on money, children, and gender roles.
Don’t wait for his permission to end things.
Don’t listen to anyone who says you shouldn’t end things.
Don’t do or say anything you don’t want to do.
You’re already a survivor; you can survive this, but you need to look after yourself and shut down anyone that says anything different.
* [RAINN] (https://www.rainn.org/about-national-sexual-assault-telephone-hotline) has a multitude of tools for current and recovering sexual assault victims in the US. This includes a free, confidential 24/7 hotline that can be reached at 800-656-HOPE.
* HotPeachPages has an [international directory] (http://www.hotpeachpages.net/a/countries.html) for abuse hotlines, shelters, refuges, domestic violence information, crisis centers, and women’s organizations in over 110 languages.
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This is what dating a conservative man is like now.
Don’t do it.
1-800-799-7233 this is the number for the national domestic abuse hotline. They may be able to help you and get resources to get you out of this relationship. Please call them asap.
Red flags everywhere. Leave the relationship as fast as you can and don’t look back.
Break up with him. Now.
He doesn’t get a say in this. Leave.