Just wondering what others do with the ‘stuff’ after a relationship ends poorly. Say infidelity or other toxic endings. What happens to the jewelry, photos, other gifts or momentos?
I’m struggling to let go/pawn a ring. But I can’t wear it either. Feels like bad juju and like its the last piece of me to let go. Its hiding in my closet, but its still there. Everything else got purged.
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The shit I could sell, I did. The shit I couldn’t, I tossed. The stuff I really liked, I kept.
I usually either give it back if it’s expensive or throw it out.
I think I gave a few things to the ex-wife or her family. Gave her the Nintendo switch explicitly to give to her little bro and she kept it for herself – I remember now why she’s an ex-wife 😂
A few other things I gave to her family, but mostly because I felt they’d get more use out of them.
Only thing that I’m wondering about now is where my wedding ring is.. originally kept it as a reminder to avoid bad decisions. But should probably at least remember where it is because it’s not an insignificant valued ring.
Should note I’ve no problems holding onto things from previous relationships but tend to be pragmatic and just want to see their utility maximised. Also feels rude profiting from a gift.
You throw it all away or sell it. It wont do you any good to keep 99% of it and will serve as a constant reminder.
In the case of your ring you need to mentally realize the ring is yours. Its not from the relationship anymore, it doesn’t symbolize anything anymore. It’s just a ring. If it was just a ring again would you still wear it? Could you wear it and not be reminded of its previous life? Did you like this ring enough to want to wear it? If it was some sort of promise or engagement ring I would ditch it, if it was a birthday gift or something like that it would be a bit different.
I’m not too sentimental, generally.
If something makes me feel icky or brings bad thoughts, I get rid of it. Otherwise, if it has some utility, I keep it.
Point is, your feelings about the thing should determine what happens to it.
I have gotten rid of pretty much every gift/photo/item that an ex girlfriend has given me unless it had some practical use.
I just get rid of everything regardless of why the break occurred. If they want out of my life, I completely toss them from my life and don’t look back.
I keep the nice stuff and donate the rest but I’m not a nostalgic person. I can wear the handbag or jewelry and not feel anything for the person or the situation.
Your feelings are totally valid. I would wrap it in toilet paper, put it in a box and then in storage somewhere. Focus on healing. You can pawn it when you’re ready.
in anger i threw away an apple watch (that i didn’t really want in the first place) that she gave me lol. she fished it out of the trash and kept it
gave her back the engagement ring
didn’t untag pics on social media though
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Sold the engagement/wedding set, then turned around and used the proceeds towards buying her out of the equity in our house. Practical gifts, like the watch she got me for my birthday 10 years ago, absolutely keeping. Other stuff….souvenirs, mementos, etc….shitcanned.
one time, in my youth, i mailed it all to my ex. a small box of pictures/mementos, books they had gotten me, etc. stuff that i couldn’t throw out but also couldn’t have in the house. i don’t necessarily recommend this approach lol but for me at that time it worked.
now …. if i’m not giving it back, i donate or sell.
Send all to goodwill!
Technically I paid for it because he didnt pay the bills he was supposed too so I kept what mattered to me. Sold or gave the rest away. Sold the rings to pay for the divorce lawyer to be honest so that tells you how sentimental they where for me.
Burn it
When it comes to jewelery, I wear it with the attitude I earned it !!! Something’s I have sold, others burned or given away.
Keep it all in a box and then mope over it all in times of vulnerability. What, doesn’t everyone else?
Anything that gives me that unpleasant clench in the pit of my stomach when I see it goes straight in the trash.
Monetary value is irrelevant. I don’t want money for it. What would I spend it on? The money would be just as dirty as the object.
I sold my engagement ring and diamond earrings for first, last and deposit, and then some. Noooo regrets.
I had a short-lived, toxic relationship that I struggled with a lot. I actually boxed everything up and gave it to a friend to hold until I felt that I could deal with it. As it turns out, I got over it and ended up telling her to toss the box when she moved.
Try having a friend hold the ring for a while and just see how you feel about it in a few months.
My marriage ended amicably, but after I moved out I wanted a fresh start so I did a massive decluttering effort to get rid of anything from our relationship: gifts, mementos, things that reminded me of him, etc.
Most things I sold or donated and replaced (e.g. some glassware)
A few things I kept, as they were gifts to me for my bridal shower: champagne flutes, some bakeware
The ring I held on to for about 3 years before I decided it was time. I sold it and donated all of the money to a cause I volunteer for. The ring had some bad juju, I didn’t want to keep the money (although I did think of using to buy something special, like another piece of jewellry). It felt good then, and it feels good now thinking back that I was able to put some good back into the world
I keep and continue to wear anything I like, such as jewelry. I don’t consider it to have bad juju. I simply take it back as my own.
Same with if we had a song that was “our song.” I’m not letting some guy ruin a perfectly good song. I take it back as my own again.
A breakup takes enough emotionally. It doesn’t need to also take my stuff.
I have a small box for each major person from my past. The box usually starts with a ton of stuff I can’t part with but can’t look at either. Whenever I do a spring cleaning / purge I go through the boxes, about 2-3 times a year.
Each time I look through the boxes I inevitable find a few things that mean nothing to me anymore so I get rid of those items. After a couple years I’m typically left with a few items from each person that I like to keep as mementos of that happy moment in my life, even if the relationship ship itself ended horrifically.
Give it back or toss it.
Keep the valuables I like, sell the ones I don’t like.
Delete/throw away sentimental shit that only had value to me, such as pics, cards, used underwear, etc.
Depends on if I like it or not lol I keep it if it’s good.
I’m a goldsmith, we get this question a lot actually. My recommendation for good jewellery that you don’t want to part with but can’t wear is to hold onto it. In the future you may have someone you want to make something for, either yourself or a relative of some sort. We see a lot of old rings from previous relationships get turned into graduation gifts for children, sweet 16 necklaces, family rings, etc. Precious metals and gemstones don’t go bad, they can always be remade into something new at a later date. If it wasn’t requested back by the ex, hold onto it in a safe place. One day you might have an idea for a better use.
Yep, as many others have probably said, toss what’s trash, keep what’s valuable, and fuck the rest. Out of sight out of mind. Do yourself a favor and subtract it from your life.
If it ends poorly, most of it is donated or thrown in the trash (if unable to donate).
That is, unless the gift is particularly useful. No one’s taking my electric kettle away from me!
I gave my jewelry to my nieces. This was over 10 years ago when they were little girls and I was fresh out of the breakup and in pain. Now they’re young adults, and I’m not in the thick of the pain anymore, and it warms my heart when I see them wearing it.
Saved it barely wore it for 4yrs now started wearing it as it’s beautiful I chose / designed it and it’s part of my personal history and I got lots of compliments on it. I’m not super sentimental about things though x
I kept the expensive jewelry. I also kept the photos (because they’re my memories—even if it was shitty, it was still part of my life and I’m allowed to have them), but I put them away.
The ring I keep thinking I should sell, just haven’t got around to it.
Other momentos I trashed.
Depends on the guy. I had a major heartbreak in my twenties and I put everything in a trash bag and asked my dad though tears to put it in the attic of my childhood house. It’s been several years now and weirdly I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to deal with these memorabilias. Not that I’m not over him, but I don’t like revisiting this horrible period of my life and I think it’s quite awkward to ask my Dad about it.
Last breakup, like someone said here, I sold the things I didn’t like (an ugly expensive bag that he brought me for christmas, among other things. I felt so good) and kept the ones I liked – gold earings, nice pottery bowls, an IPad, some good woolen socks, etc. It doesn’t bother me because I was over this douche before he left me.
I still have the enlarged wedding photo we had framed. He didn’t want it, I kept it because I looked cute 😀 It’s not on my wall but its in storage. It doesn’t evoke any emotions for me, so… Usually, when I am done processing break up, I don’t attach any sentimental values to gifts and stuff.
Depends on how the relationship ended. If it was bad I burn it or sell it away.
Several year long relationship that ended on less than ideal terms, The two major items I could not part with were a rare first edition of a book (we are talking a few hundred years old), which just stayed in its place on a shelf, and a necklace he had made for me that is a beautiful filigree with diamonds on a lavaliere.
I figured that someday I’d be ready to wear the necklace again without feeling sad about how it ended – that I could just enjoy the item without any memories attached. So I gave it to my mom for safekeeping until I want to have it back in my possession.
That was in 2011.
I’m over the relationship, and I would have no problem having the necklace back in my possession, but I also just… don’t have any need for it?? And yet, it feels wrong somehow to just let it go. At some point, when I have the time and inclination, I’ll take it to a jeweler to have the stones removed and the metal melted down, and have it remade into earrings or something.
Sell it on [https://www.neverlikeditanyway.com/](https://www.neverlikeditanyway.com/) 🙂
May I ask why not return the ring to the person if you received it?
If you bought it.. just sell it on OfferUp
If it ends badly burn it or throw it off a cliff. If it’s worth some cash then sell it. If the money feels “dirty” donate it to charity. They won’t mind where it came from.
When I got divorced, I threw out a lot of photos, mementos, and other trinkets as part of the healing process. I’m not saying you have to, but I found it necessary as a sort of symbolic parting from the past and a making room for the future.
The one thing I did keep was my wedding ring, as it was a family heirloom from my grandmother, and I thought it would be nice to keep it for my daughter when she’s old enough (if she wants it). I was able to separate the marriage from the ring itself. But if you can’t, do not feel bad for getting rid of yours when you’re ready.
I buried some jewelry and trinkets in the desert.
Jewelry – if it’s worth keeping, just use it. Otherwise, sell it. Photos go to the trash can. Gifts or mementos, possibly trash or sell. Depending on if it’s trinkets or something useful. If it’s something you use everyday, then keep. I don’t personally attach emotional value to materia.
Get rid of it. No matter how small or what reason you have of keeping it. Your next love will find it weird and take a step back.
I’ve kept everything, even notes and ticket stubs, I don’t really attach meaning to items. A lot of it is stuff that you’d think I got myself. Funny enough a lot of stuff I have that’s kind of nice or expensive is THEIR EX’s crap.