Saying “I love you” too much?

11 comments

1. I don’t think it loses its meaning. There might not be that fireworks feeling like when it was said those first few times but there’s a depth and comfort to it that still feels important and special.

   Curious; why were you “demoted”?

2. [deleted]

3. Both of your opinions are valid…this isn’t something that is decided by fact.

   Is he entitled to feel its too much? Yes of course he is, that’s how he feels and he has autonomy over those feelings…And you’re entitled to feel what is too much for your threshold…but your threshold for hearing it isn’t the same as his.

   I’m sure everyone has a “too much” or “too little” threshold…but I’ve never actually felt like I’m hearing it too much or too little, I might say it once a day, might say it more, sometimes might say it less.

   You guys just have contrasting feelings on this, and that’s OK…how you navigate it may take give and take on both sides….unless if its an irreconcilable difference

4. My girl.

   Your bf has some strange ideas. My partner and I say “I love you” multiple times a day. She says it to her children every single time she speaks with them. We say it to each other every time we speak. You know what? it has never gotten even a little bit old, or lost even one tiny part of it’s meaning. I still get a warm feeling inside every time she says it to me. I mean – I LOVE her, why on earth wouldn’t I want her to know that?

   He’s also giving off pretty strong vibes that he doesn’t consider you a long term partner.

   Why on earth did you tolerate being “demoted” from fiancee back to gf? You offer this explanation:

   >I was demoted because being engaged was “too much pressure” for him and the thought of putting together a wedding when our families can’t stand each other and we’re still grieving the loss of our daughter was too much for him to handle. So he took the ring back so he doesn’t have to think about any of it anymore

   Sounds like there’s a lot going on but his excuses here are kind of thin. What did he think being engaged meant? Does he have some sort of timeline as to when you’ll get “promoted” again? I mean – if your families hate each other, that’s not likely to get solved in any reasonable amount of time (if ever). Getting engaged will pretty much always mean the “pressure” of putting together a wedding. And while I have never lost a child, I can’t imagine that’s something you get over pretty much EVER.

   So since his reasons are basically unsolvable issues, it sounds to me like he’s not planning on EVER marrying you, as he will always have the same 3 built-in excuses.

   Him telling you that you say “I love you” too much just feels like a ploy to get you to get frustrated enough to break up so that he won’t be the bad guy. Because honestly that’s bizarre.

   So I would suggest a nice, long, **calm**, sit down chat about your relationship, and specifically about a possible timeline for getting married. Because again – his excuses aren’t going away – so he needs to clarify what needs to happen before he will feel the time is right to get married. If he hedges, or cannot come up with any sort of reasonable list of goals to meet before he’s willing to get engaged…again, then you have your answer.

   All that being said, my profound condolences for the loss of your daughter. I can’t imagine what that feels like, and I am very sorry that you are going through that.

   Good luck, friend.

   ​

   Edit: just looked at your post history and saw the one about him looking at porn and messaging his ex. Ew, girl. no.

5. Maybe he’s not too romantic. the same thing happened to me he would constantly say romantic things out of nowhere the words lost its meaning i got the ick and broke up.

6. I’ve had the exact same experience in the past with this and also ‘I miss you’ and can see both sides of the argument.

   On the one hand if you’re an expressive person and you want to say those things, it’s hard to be asked to cut back on it because then you feel like you’re not being yourself and have been limited. Also like you said anything can happen and you never know when it’s the last time you see them

   But on the other hand, you can also say ‘I love you’ with actions so it’s not always just about the words.
   E.g. doing the cleaning when you know they’re stressed or ill, buying their favourite food as a little treat, planning a date night etc. Then when they do say it it has more impact, but you still know they love you because of all the actions they’ve been doing

7. Imo there’s different kinds of I love yous. The little “love you”s before you leave the house are different than the emotionally driven moments of expressing your love by saying something like “I love you so much, thank you for being a great partner”. So yeah, the words themselves mean different things in different contexts. If he feels the little love yous devalue the heartfelt ones then I guess you should compromise and break the habit of saying it when you leave the house etc. I’d keep the night ones for sure, morning ones are take it or leave it, and the heartfelt ones are a must, but only if they’re evenly given.

8. Your bf sounds like a total jerk tbh.

9. Being “demoted” ontop of him not wanting to say i love you is a bit sus. He needs to get his priorities straight and figure out what he wants before leading you on further

10. I think “I love you” gets even better with time. The longer youre together, the more life goals you achieve, the stronger the “I love you”s feel.

    My partner and I are about 30, have been together over 5 years, and we will just shout I love you to each other across the house that we own together. I love it so much

11. Gorl, after skimming through your post history, even if this guy was to marry you some day he would not make your life happy.