I’m \[27F\] seeking some advice and guidance regarding a challenging situation I’m facing with my boyfriend \[29M\]. We’ve been together for two years and have always been open to experimenting with drugs on special occasions. However, lately, I’ve noticed that things have taken a troubling turn.
Around 8 months ago, we tried cocaine for the first time during New Year’s. While I haven’t had any issues with it, my boyfriend seems to be using it more frequently now. Initially, it was just occasional use during parties or festivals, which didn’t concern me much. However, he’s now started taking it even when we’re alone at home, when we go out with friends, or just when he wants to listen to music. The increasing frequency of his usage is worrying, and it’s starting to affect his personality and behavior.
He can’t seem to be still or enjoy quiet moments anymore, and I fear he might be developing a dependency on it. I’ve tried to talk to him about my concerns, but he tends to brush it off, claiming that cocaine is no different from my regular weed usage. He insists that they are just different drugs, with cocaine being more harmful to the body. However, I disagree with his perspective, as I don’t believe the two are comparable.
I’m feeling increasingly frustrated and worried about the direction our relationship is taking. Our upcoming vacation is approaching, and I fear this issue might ruin our time together. I haven’t confided in anyone about this yet, and I’m unsure of who might be right in this situation.
I’d genuinely appreciate any advice or insight you can offer. How should I approach this delicate matter with him, and how can I make him understand my concerns? I want to find a way to address this before it creates further problems between us.
Thank you all for taking the time to read and help. Your input means a lot to me.
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TL;DR: My boyfriend and I have experimented with drugs before, but his increasing cocaine use is worrying me. He dismisses my concerns, and I need advice on how to approach this delicate matter before it creates further problems between us.
3 comments
Girl, I feel you. I’ve been through this with a close friend of mine.
In my opinion, the next time there’s a conversation about it, I would gently tell him that cocaine usage will not be tolerated during the vacation. It affects you negatively. You want to have a future with him but his blooming cocaine addiction could potentially interfere with those plans.
He needs to know your serious. If he can’t follow through with this reasonable request, then he truly doesn’t prioritize you and your feelings. It’ll lead to more trouble down the road. Do you want to be in a relationship where your feelings are second to his addiction?
He either fixes this behavior immediately or there’ll be some hard consequences for the relationship.
You can’t be delicate with it. You need to state what you will tolerate. You can say if you don’t stop with the cocaine use, I will leave. If you use cocaine while on vacation, I will fly home. You have to state what you will tolerate and stick with whatever consequences you lay out.
I suggest you find a therapist to talk to about so you have support while navigating his addiction. And maybe look into your own weed usage.
Your bf isn’t developing a dependency on it; he’s already there.
His insistence that it’s the same as your weed usage is a deflection and wrong. This is typically how someone who doesn’t see a problem with their drug use answers.
This is an incredibly delicate topic to approach with someone the correct way. Is there anything going on in his life that is stressing him out or would be causing him to want to use more?
You can come to him gently, with concern, and let him know that you’re worried about his use and that you are there for him if he is struggling with anything. That you’re worried about the increase in frequency of his usage, and that you’re beginning to notice significant changes in his behaviour and personality. That this behaviour is not sustainable for him and his future, as well as the future of the relationship.
I don’t agree that weed use and coke are the same at all, but you may need to cut down on the weed in solidarity with him if he is willing to change. You guys used to experiment together, so I’m sure he still sees himself the same as you.