Hello community. 30M here trying to wrap around why I have this issue. Basically I tend to be hated/disliked at the beginning of large amount of interactions.
If the relationship survive this early stage then friends tend to really appreciate who I am. I never got someone to really describe why is like that but some sort of pedantic aura. When they get to know me better they say it’s a misunderstanding, and that I am just frank and try to be as honest and possible.
A good amount of close friends told me that they value me as someone they can trust and from whom will get good advice.
Problem here is while I have a good amount of close 1 to 1 friends, this social debuff is a pain for groups.
Here is where problem number two comes by.. I don’t know why but in groups there is a tendency to direct the attacks into me. Some sort of trying to put me down and see how much I can take. In the past I would take the blame and do some self deprecating jokes to help the groups but I have been working around boundaries so i guess is not that any longer. Also I noticed that some people that cannot own its own bullshit gets on their nerves with my frankness and willingness to take care of my issues…
The not taking bullshit part was massive in one beloved group of mine not much time ago. The person with the most personal issues was quite popular but I did not care much about her (I was just neutral). She picked on me and turned the whole group against me less my best friend. Was a horrible experience as I was suddenly ignored until by pushing different members admited the fear they have for this insane woman… The situation was so bad I almost denounced her for harassment
So in groups of relatively new people the “I look somehow soft” might be the problem while in case of more developed relationships the “I don’t take your bullshit” becomes the problem.
I know I am kind of a try hard when it comes to form relationships.
Note: I am quite extroverted. I would speak to most people at a new office, meeting, and so on. This comes from having been relocated 11 times during my lifetime and having to learn to make relationships fast.
Tldr. People think I am a totaldickhead until they get to know me better. Also in groups settings people tend to gang against me. It’s a problem to get new relationships but after the threshold a good amount of people like me. Problem is that I need to keep meeting new people as I keep relocating