Curious for all the other couples out there, do you and your S/O have a trusting relationship with phones. Meaning if your S/O wanted to use it or do something on it, would that be allowed in your relationship?
I only ask cause awhile ago my boyf told me that he thought of our phones as the only private thing either of us had so no need to be on each others phone ever.
And as a very anxious person, I’ve never forgotten him saying that and have thought it was sus ever since.
I don’t have like a need to look thru it, but I do wonder sometimes what goes on in that head of his
TL;DR – do you and your partner go through each others phones
8 comments
Immediately we both have two phones ( 1 for work) so it’s rare we’d look in each others phones for whatever reason. Maybe when driving and controlling Spotify but that’s it, there may have been once or twice where I’m on deliveroo and he’ll take it to look at the menu or vice versa but that’s about it
If what your bf told you is giving you anxiety, maybe talk to him about it?
We know each others passcodes but never just go into each others phones. There are times (Spotify and directions) when driving that we do but other than that no
There’s two questions here. Could we use each others phones for a specific purpose? Yeah, doesn’t usually happen but we could and it’d be no issue. Do we ever go down through each others phones? No
I’m gonna give a long winded answer only because this particular issue was one of the main reasons why my marriage failed and trust was betrayed.
Me and my ex used to use each others phones for random things “see who texted me, answer the call for me, read this cool article” etc. never an issue.
It ONLY became an issue when private conversations I had with my friends and my sister were used against me. For example, if we had an argument I’d vent to my best friend or my sister or my mom, and when he started using those conversations as starting points for arguments such as “our personal problems are only between us” or “you don’t need to vent you need to talk to me” or “you make me look so bad”, that’s when phone issues arose.
Because then his requests to use my phone for something also came with the concern he would try to find something to start an argument with. So I started saying no. Me starting to say no meant to him that I had something to hide.
He assumed I had something to hide, I assumed his reasons for wanting my phone were nefarious, so we got caught in a loop.
Ultimately, if your SO allows you to use their phone for whatever reason it’s because they trust you, don’t betray that trust and then get upset when they no longer feel comfortable with allowing you access to their personal conversations.
It depends on how developed the relationship is and the boundaries we’ve established.
My stance with my ex-wife was that I was entitled to privacy but not secrecy. She had my password and unrestricted access to my phone. I was not bothered by the idea of her going through it. She might not have been thrilled with everything she found, but none of it was stuff I thought needed to be hidden. And, had she found anything she disliked, I would have been cool with talking about it.
But it took years to get there. I wouldn’t give my password to someone I’ve dated for a month. The trust just isn’t there yet. Not because I feel I need to hide things; it’s because our lives aren’t so intertwined that our phones are interchangeable.
Now, if you are asking whether it’s cool to proactively go through each other’s phones looking for wrongdoing: break up or practice being trusting. Relationships are built on trust. If you cannot trust them not to hurt you, then you should break up. Going through your SO’s stuff will only reinforce a habit of distrust; it never leads to a feeling of genuine trust and intimacy.
We don’t “go through” each other’s phones, but we have full access to them. Passwords and fingerprints. No problem using each other’s phones or reading each other’s messages to catch up on conversations with friends and family.
In my eyes, saying “no touchy” is kinda sus. I have no problem with my s/o’s holding my phone because I don’t lie or cheat. But that said if someone doesn’t trust me and wants to go through my phone I would let them, is so they learn how important trust is after I immediately break up with them after the find out it’s full of memes and pics of my pet 😂. Been down that road before, it reeks of insecurity and toxicity. Either u trust me or you don’t and we’re thru. The only time I can think of id be okay with it is if there was some extraordinary circumstance where I can see a valid reason that any rational person would be concerned.