I haven’t had friends since I was very little but about two years ago there was a person I hung out with maybe two three times. They were really cool. I reached out to them recently and they asked how I was doing. I overshared because I wanted to be honest when I should’ve just said I was good even if it was a massive lie.
They had their messages saying “read” before and now it just says delivered. It might not be that bad to someone that has any friends or contact but to me it hit me like a truck, I still wish we could be friends. I feel so hurt and stupid.
I was suicidal for a long time DO NOT SEND “HELP AND SUPPORT” STUFF IT’S UNHELPFUL AND ANNOYING! I just wanted to highlight where I’m at socially—basically the lowest of the low. Already going to therapy.
Any advice or similar experiences? I really want to become social.
2 comments
Prove to me they blocked you.
Give me the sheet of paper that says “You are blocked.” Not “I think I’ve been blocked because my texts aren’t showing as Read.”
Give me the sheet of paper where your friend confirms in plain words that “You overshared and now I am blocking you because you overshared with me.”
What I am doing is a process in DBT therapy and other therapies called Examining The Evidence. It’s a wise process to do with one’s self as well, speaking as someone who has a history of assuming a grand plot where plain ignorance or forgetfulness were the root cause of discord.
Essentially, based on the information you are presenting, you have already decided that you are blocked, and you have already decided that you overshared, without seeing what anyone else in your circle thinks. Most important of all, the person with whom you were interacting. Regardless of whether that is true or not.
You can’t make them answer. We have control of ourselves, and that’s it. We can train our reactions, model our responses, be mindful in our actions, and inspire action and feeling in other people, but we do not get a say in what they do or how they do it.
I would ask, while we’re on that thread, why do you want to be social?
Being social won’t make you happy. That’s ignoring what’s making you unhappy. To further illustrate:
“Why do you want to be social?”
“So that I can have friends.”
“And what then?”
“What?”
“You have friends now. Let’s say that you have people who want to hang out with you whenever you ask, or at least share a conversation. What happens now? You have achieved your stated goal of getting friends. Are you happy?”
I pose that line because you don’t get happiness from having friends. You do get happiness from experiences in life, and those experiences are potentially enhanced by the presence of favored people. But that’s a means to an end – not an end in itself.
I understand that you want or need there to be a reason behind this person stopping contact. When a person is used to feeling anxious all of the time then that person’s mind will automatically try and keep life events framed in anxiety, because it isn’t fun or nice or good, but it is familiar. It’s a place you’ve been for a long, long time.
Honestly buddy, we’ve all been there. And in the moment it is embarrassing and stupid to us. But don’t worry about it. If you want to get more of social life the best thing might be joining a local club or being active in your local community. You will be forced to be around other people and they around you. It’s the best way of making friends AND they live nearby. This is honestly not something you should let bother you. On the other persons behalf it wasn’t at all a nice thing to do but that’s their problem and their loss. Don’t let it get to you mate.