So some backstory is my boyfriend and i have been dating for about a year and a half. four months ago he got his first job which requires him to rush from school to get there on time. in the school parking lot we park next to each other and back in so we can just pull our cars forward to get out of school quicker.
So it is a normal school day and i am putting my stuff in the back seat of my car and my boyfriend starts to drive. my door then gets caught on his car which then causes the hinges to break and other issues with the car door. i scream his name so he would stop, he rolls his window down, looks back, and says “oh shit i will call you” and then proceeds to drive off. he didn’t even ask if i was okay. shaken by the whole thing, i get in my car and don’t answer his phone calls. after some time i text him to not text me or try to talk to me. my family and i then get the repair estimate and it is about $2200 of repairs however, the car cannot get fixed until june ish. here is where i might be TA: the next day he is giving me the silent treatment and i freak out not even thinking about the fact that i had told him to not talk to me. we resolve it and i apologize for how i acted and i think that everything is normal. i was very wrong. two months goes by and he continues to distance himself while giving tons of mixed signals. continuing to never really respond to me or talk to me (in person, and over text) and always making excuses as to why he can’t hang out or see me but then getting mad at me for giving him distance. over these two months i continuously ask him if everything is okay, and confront him about the lack of effort. last saturday night we were in yet another one of these “discussions” and he eventually fesses up and says this: “the truth is is that after the car thing and you throwing everything on me and making me the bad guy and it being the end of the world over something small it really showed me who you were and while you acted like you hated me i had time to think about me and you and us and made me realize all the things that i put up with but didn’t see and so yeah i distanced myself and the more i did i got happier and no i wasn’t talking to other girls i was finding myself so maybe it seemed like i didn’t care and wasn’t giving effort cause truth is i was and i’m sorry about that i just didn’t know how to tell you so there you go there’s the truth.”
i then ask him what he wants to do since he says he is not happy with me and he claims he doesn’t know. i then suggest we both take some time to have space and that is what we are in now. i would like to try and make things work because in every relationship there is forgiveness and i think with time i can forgive him for the way he has treated me. i also have told him that i understand that it was just an accident and things happen. i would like to get some outside advice.
please send your advice!
EDIT: he is paying for the damages which is not the issue. it’s the resentment he has for me for getting angry at him for the actual crash
35 comments
Your boyfriend is an immature asshole 😂 this is entirely his fault. He needs to pay for the damage he caused. Even if it means threatening him with a court case
This guy does not apologize that day or the next day. You for whatever reason apologize to him He goes on to sulk and then blames you, i.e. not taking any responsibility or accountability for his actions and behavior not to mention not making good on what he did to your car.
Get the money and look at yourself on why you want to be with someone like that.
So why did you apologize? And for what? Why do you do that? Why do people keep apologizing for things that they don’t owe an apology for? Drag his ass to court if you need to. You owe nobody an apology. Exactly none. Please think of yourself and your self worth. And I wished everybody would stop apologizing for things they didn’t do just to keep the peace. Also I wish for people like your (hopefully ex-) bf to stop being assholes.
he literally made himself the victim after being reckless to your property.. & then you apologized to him for being upset ?
This sounds like the best $2200 spent. You got to get rid of a bad boyfriend.
Why didn’t you both report it to insurance and let them hash it out instead?
he made a mistake (that he hasn’t paid you for btw its been a long time and insurance or some other method of repair should have been taken care of already) and he feels bad so he’s blaming you for losing your temper at him over something that was 100% his fault.
I’d tell him ever since that happened you’ve been looking at how he is trying to dodge taking responsibility for his fuck up and it has really changed how you see him as well and you want you money.
He hit your parked car, and drove off. That’s actually a felony, and he’s lucky you didn’t call the police.
Why would you want to make this work? He hasn’t apologized so there’s no opportunity to forgive him, he hasn’t acknowledged wrong doing- he put all the wrong doing on you (deflecting) for your reaction (which was not unreasonable). He showed no consideration for the consequences of his own actions, the damage, possible injuries you may have sustained… his priorities have problems.
If my boyfriend hit my car and drove off… I’d accept the collect call just to yell at him while he was in jail (where I would’ve put him).
Sometimes the trash takes itself out, and thank goodness your trash has the good sense to pay for damages.
So. He does a bunch of damage. Doesn’t even check to see if you are ok. And can’t handle that it made you angry?
Even if you break up. Make sure he pays for your car.
>he is paying for the damages which is not the issue. it’s the resentment he has for me for getting angry at him for the actual crash
Unpopular opinion but I get where he’s coming from to a point. He shouldn’t have rushed off, but you explaining the job thing explains why. You shouldn’t’ve avoided his calls – maybe he was trying to check on you and work it out ASAP but since he had to run to work opted to call. You didn’t answer and told him you didn’t want to talk so what should he have done?
If my partner ignored me after a big event and refused to talk to work anything out or hear an apology I’d question the relationship too. Seems to me like the damage is done, get your money and move on.
Might be an unpopular opinion but it sounds like you both handled the situation poorly and immaturely, and that there’s other issues in the relationship since he’s questioning everything. Take your space and accept that your relationship might be over.
LMAO. Sorry this is just objectively hilarious (at his expense OBVIOUSLY). Dude fucks up girlfriends car – “Oh shit I’ll call you” – and drives off hahaha. He’s immature, get the money and dump his ass. He’ll figure it out one day, or not. This doesn’t need to be your problem though.
You don’t make him happy. He said as much. Sounds like your relationship was toxic before the accident. You two are both young. You will both move on and then probably move on from the next relationship, and a number of others.
What more is there to say? Don’t hang onto a relationship where one person isn’t happy. Get your money, move on.
Get a new boyfriend.
He’s sulking because he wants you to say “Aw babe I’m sorry, actually it was my fault! You don’t have to pay:)”
Except that it is his fault. And he’s being a huge fucking baby about it.
You break it, You own it.
tell him to give you his insurance. 🙂 atleast on face value it won’t come from his pocket. till months later when his premium goes up 🙂
Leave his ass like he left you. He could have seriously hurt you and he did it give a shit. Make him pay then cut his ass off and never talk to him again. Dude is a immature sad excuse
RE: your EDIT AGAIN.
Has his behavior around this change anything on your view of being in relationship with him?
We all say things when we are that upset. You apologized in any decent human being would understand that. The fact that he’s treating you badly several months later and still being a jerk should tell you something about his character.
Get the money and dump his ass.
I think, he’s mad because you didin’t respond to his calls, and maybe he said “I call you later” after see quickly that u seemed to be ok and just damage the car, so when he tried to call you, you didn’t respond because you were mad with him for not stayed to cheek out on you, but you knowed he needed to rush to got on time at work (that’s not an exceuse), maybe he asumed that was ok just going to work and call you later, but you felt like no important, so if you didn’t yet, tell him how do you felt about it, so he can understand your side and see why you had been mad with him at first.
As you say, in every relationship there is problems, forgiveness, discussions, etz, the important thing is to know how to solve them, talk them, and move on, if you or him can’t do this with the car thing, then is better he finish to pay the car and stay away.
He is behaving with a massive lack of maturity and responsibility. He caused the damage so it’s right for him to pay to fix it. The fact that he’s lying to others about what happened is worse.
Personally I think you should reconsider the relationship once you get the money. Forgiveness is good, but when the person who wronged you doesn’t show understanding of what they did wrong it’s a strong sign that something like that will happen again.
Get paid for the damage, then tell him to pound sand.
He’s a dick. Get out of that relationship while you can.
So what would you like us to tell you? He’s a dick. He’s paying for the damages… obviously was looking for a reason to leave…
You’re getting out clean.. let him go and move on…
I think he sucks.
Well yeah, it is his fault and he should handle it like an adult. And not throw a hissy fit like a child.
He broke your car. He acts like a jerk when he doesn’t want to pay to fix it. He Later he spreads rumors you broke your own car.
Get your money and fix your car, then DTMFA.
No yeah I’d break up with you.
Should have just let the insurances handle it would cost more long run but resentment would probably be way less.
He is made because you have asked him to take responsibility for his very costly mistake? Doesn’t sound like boyfriend material. Also, hopefully this never happens to you again, but you should have filed a police report for the accident and then filed claims through your insurance. Your insurance would have than filed a claim against his insurance.
End it. If he reacts this way over damage he caused, which you had every right to call him out on, then imagine how he would behave if you accidentally got pregnant.
Let him pay and then get yourself a better guy.
So he did a hit-and-run and hasn’t paid for the damages yet AND is being a crap boyfriend? Get it in writing about him admitting to causing the damages and agreeing to pay for them and take him to small claims court. And break up after you get his confession.
INFO: did you tell the friend what actually happened?